Main Differences with AS between Girls and Boys???

Post Reply New Topic

From what I've read somewhere, aspie girls are better in socializing than boys...because they tend to 'imitate' other people so they can appear like a chameleon in social situations

AS girls tend to be avid observer of people as well

I'm guessing that aspie girls have some sort of coping mechanism when to comes to socialising

What do you think??

I do think of myself as a bit of a chameleon at times. I am careful to tailor conversation to the people around me so that I say what is true but in a way that blends in with their views. I tend to see the positives or negatives in things and choose to express the points that make me look like I agree with what they say. I usually feel inadequate and assume I am screwing up somehow, so I just want to not feel that.

I only came to understand a few years ago that I was doing this, and I decided that I don't like it. I am 46. I have as much right as anyone else to my own opinions. The problem is that I do not like conflict or confrontation, so it is really hard for me to allow that to happen, and except in the few times that I don't care, or am in the mood to rip into someone.
I am sort of training myself to be me and not a reflection of those around me. I am actively trying to claim my right to be me, regardless of who may or may not like it. Sometimes it appears people think I am making trouble, but I am focused on learning to not let it bother me, how my words might sound to others, why they might be getting upset, etc., and plow on like it's a training session or something. I have managed to make myself believe that it doesn't actually matter if they get upset, that they will get over it, like I have had to so many times. I am not trying to hurt anyone, so they can accept me or go jump in the lake, I don't care which.

Fess up - are you another psych student?

I never was more adept socially, but I did have that "mother hen" friend who pulled me into most social situations.

but you still got dates and hook up with guys,How you do that.

Yes,I would say aspie women have better social skill or
they are just more socially active or always around people,
or they just meet the ''right''people compare to aspie men.

I have always been an excellent chameleon ever since I was really small. I still did not ever have more than a handful of friends though.

Socializing has never been a good skill of mine....maybe some girls with AS are better at blending in due to that, but I am not one of them. I do observe people and what not but that doesn't mean I'd know how to imitate them or even pull it off successfully. So I think that is more of a it depends on the individual thing then the main difference between males and females with autism.

Yes,but you had dates,boyfriends before.So,you do something right
to meet guys.

And what good is that when, the resulting relationships never work out? Maybe at first glance that seems like it makes life all that much easier, but honestly being in a relationship just to have it end abruptly because you fail at intimacy wears on you after a while. But in reality I cannot walk up to anyone I don't know unless its like the cashier at the store I am supposed to walk up to to buy things...but yeah cannot initiate interaction. Suppose in my case sometimes people initiate interaction with me, so then I'll talk to them but if they never said anything to me I would have never said anything to them.

There is more to social interaction than initially getting a date or starting an intimate relationship....and impression i got was this thread was about general social interaction not dating per say.

Girls are girls and boys are boys?

(The coping mechanism is probably that society has different expectations of girls and boys; girls are shy and get taken care of by others, boys, are ostracized. It's not about the people themselves, its about the society we live in. Similarly, in other places there aren't differences girls have a harder time because of expectations.)

Totally agree. My daughter does not fit this supposed mold of girls being able to "hide" due to better social skills and/or mimickry either. She definately doesn't spend (or waste if you asked her) time studying how people interact. She not only doesn't do it, she doesn't care and views most interactions as "stupid" she views most of her female peers as "stupid" and feels like even if she made the effort there would be nothing in common because she doesn't like dolls, princess, clothes, or other "girl" stuff. She is her own person.

I completely disagree, there should be no differences in how autism expresses itself in boys and girls. Are we really meant to be believe that autism expresses itself so differently in girls that it doesn't even look like autism?

This theory is fallacious, and doesn't even make sense. Why would girls be able to socialize better, is the female brain significantly different from the male brain? Also one aspect of autism is having a poor theory of mind, so imitating others should be difficult for all people with autism.


I agree that girls can get away with being shy, but shyness in itself is not an indicator of autism. I think there is over-diagnosis of boys - I think nerds are a group that have the potential to be wrongly diagnosed. However most of the arguments for under-diagnosis of girls rely on this dubious idea that girls have better social adaptation, and can pass better for NT.

So well that they are indistinguishable?

---

The discussion so far is actually very interesting, but I cannot help myself:

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZvWCdnkPkPE[/youtube]

Carry on!

interesting theory.

independent of the reason of the differences, I read girls IN GENERAL are better at social skills in familiar situations, but fall behind boys in less familiar situations. Also they tend to internalize their troubles whilst boys are more prone to aggressive attacks etc their difficulties appear more. I don't know the link of this study by heart unfortunately.

in my case particularly I was always mimicking other people and was an avid observer of people. This is still my special interest (behavior and culture) because I always wanted to understand why they did what they did. Fortunately I have a slightly older sister (one year and a half) so I mimicked her and fit in. I was so good at it to the point I spoke the same thing as her in the same time (like movie twins) and people couldn't tell our voices apart. I also was 'mothered' by other girls that helped me with social stuff (still do).
but then, if I didn't have this sister to mimick or if I hadn't been mothered then I would be a total complete misfit friendless weird girl. Maybe this is the difference from other boys or girls. Life outcomes matter so much in the development of personality, also of our aspie traits of course,

isn't talking to guys social interaction? is dating social interaction?

Yeah, I know what you mean. I'm suspicious of that theory as well.

There is a way of measuring it though. You could take a group of girls and boys who were diagnosed as obviously autistic at a very young age, and compare their outcomes.

If we assume that people are "autistic for life" (autism is a lifelong condition), then if the girls seem to fit in and socialize better as adults then that shows they in general somehow have better coping mechanisms to deal with autism.

I have no idea whether there have been any studies that show this, I'm just speculating