When people talk to you from a distance

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dianthus
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30 Apr 2014, 3:15 pm

Sometimes I have trouble determining whether a person is talking to me or not, if they are at a distance from me (more than a few feet away) especially if they don't look at me or somehow get my attention first before they speak. I mean if I know we are the only two people in the room then yeah it's pretty obvious they are talking to me. But in a group setting or a public place I'm not always sure, especially if they don't use my name.

In my job I visit a lot of different stores, while I am busy doing something a person might suddenly start talking to me from across the store, like 10-20 feet away. Most of the time they don't use my name or do anything to get my attention first, they just start talking, and it is very weird. It is like this disembodied voice suddenly comes out of nowhere, and I don't know how they expect me to understand that they are talking to me. I've trained myself to just assume that they are but I never really feel sure about it.

I notice this too when I am shopping, especially if I am really absorbed in looking at something, I might be aware that there are people and voices around me but I can't determine when a person is talking to me or not. Like I might hear a store employee greeting someone or asking if they need help and I just assume they are talking to someone else because they never got my attention or anything. But then I look up and realize they are looking at me waiting for an answer.

Does anyone else struggle with this?



TungleVatn
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30 Apr 2014, 3:44 pm

Yeah that happens to me. I just look at the person who is talking and see who they're trying to communicate with. For me it's more like if I'm not the only one around the person who's talking and they aren't looking at me, and it doesn't seem to be one on one, I can't tell if they are talking to all of us or just someone else. But I just listen anyway because it's too loud to be personal and I won't miss anything.



binaryodes
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30 Apr 2014, 3:48 pm

If someone is looking right at you then theyre probably trying to talk to you. I dont make eye contact...ever however so I wouldnt necessarily be aware if someone was looking right at me. Hmmm not especially helpful. What I do is point at my chest and mouth "me?" I also raise my eyebrows. That may look unnatural and rehearsed as most of my gestures probably do (Hahahaha I call them gestures as if ive practised in front of a mirror)


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dianthus
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30 Apr 2014, 5:24 pm

binaryodes wrote:
If someone is looking right at you then theyre probably trying to talk to you.


Usually that's true but sometimes when I look up to check they are not even looking at me. So then I have to really study them to figure out who they are talking to.

Or people talk to me while they are walking around and I don't even know where they are exactly. I just hear a voice coming from somewhere. I don't know how these people expect me to know that they are talking to me. Sometimes I can't even hear what they are saying.



kraftiekortie
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30 Apr 2014, 8:03 pm

I've been known to think that somebody's talking to me, when they're actually talking to somebody else.



EzraS
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01 May 2014, 1:01 am

people usually have to let me know they are talking to me.
they have to get my attention or it won't register.



League_Girl
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01 May 2014, 9:21 am

I always look when I hear someone talk to see if they are looking at me. If not, I assume they are not talking to me. If I am the only one in the room or area, then I assume they are talking to me unless they have their phone up to their ear. Don't get me started on bluetooths. :x Or what about someone talking on their phone in the restroom. Yeah that has happened with NTs too and the phone person always seems to take offense. One time I was going to my job training and some lady asks me if I have a lighter and I say no. She got mad at me saying she was on the phone. I didn't know she was on the phone, I was in a rush so I didn't look at her closely and I didn't see the phone to her ear and she goes "I am on the phone, excuse me" and then I hear her say something to the person on the other end about it. When I posted about it here years back, someone told me it was her problem and not mine and not an ASD error. I have seen my mom answer someone while we were both looking in a store and it turned out that worker was on the phone. So embarrassing. That is why I have learned to look to someone first when they start speaking to make sure they are talking to me. If I am not sure, just ask "Are you talking to me?" So that meant I had to look at someone when I talk to them so they know I am talking to them, I don't need to look at their eyes, just look at their faces or whatever.

I was going for a walk yesterday and there were a bunch of people and I heard someone shout "When's your baby due?" and I knew he was talking to me because I'm pregnant. I think I do good at knowing when people are talking to me.


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01 May 2014, 10:21 am

If they have a loud voice I prefer they talk to me from a distance.


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loner1984
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01 May 2014, 8:19 pm

I prefer longer distance. I dont need to look at them or anything.

I really hate it when people suddenly pop up i mean like 30cm in front of your face and starts talking, i just want to push them far away. I have like a 2 meter circle around me, thats my personal space. Not to mention how they stand that close and they flap their hands and their arms like they have tics. Talk with much and keep limbs calm.