Help! I'm WAY too obsessed with my former teacher!

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I'm a 22 year old girl with high functioning Autism. In middle school(9 years ago), I had the most wonderful teacher. She was my computer teacher, and she was my favorite teacher in middle school and of all-time. I was also her favorite student(she made it obvious). She and I have been keeping in touch since I graduated middle school, and she and I are still really close friends to this day. She's my best friend, actually. She and I have had this special bond with each other since I was in middle school, a bond like no other, and it all happened naturally without any force. My connection with her was very instant too. She and I went from meeting each other for the first time to having a close bond with each other in only a week or two! It's like she was born to be my best friend!

The problem is, I am very obsessed with her, so obsessed that it's not good. I was obsessed with her in middle school, and i'm still obsessed with her to this day! I didn't even want to leave middle school because I didn't want to say goodbye to her! It's not healthy! First off, I reach out to her too much. I don't reach out to her every single day because I don't want to overwhelm her, but I reach out to her 1-2 times a week. She's really laid back about me reaching out to her very often, and she says that i'm never bothering her and that she loves hearing from me, but she might only be saying that. She's probably very overwhelmed by me. It makes me very happy when she replies to me, and it makes me sad when she doesn't reply. She's very busy with work and her family, but she always makes an effort to get back to me. I also love to read my texts and e-mails from her over and over again because they make me feel good. I also follow her on Instagram, and my face lights up whenever she posts on there. I have liked and commented on every single one of her Instagram posts. I'm also extremely attached to her, like I can't let go! I have separation anxiety when it comes to saying goodbye to her. I also think of her and talk about her every single day! I even love to look back on my memories with her from when I was only in middle school.

I'm obsessed with her mainly because of how comforting she is! She is the sweetest, kindest, most caring and nurturing woman i've ever met, and she's wonderful with kids. She always says how sweet I am and how much she loves me, but I try my hardest not to take advantage of her kindness. She's not young. She's almost 50 years old(she was 40 when I had her in middle school, although she looked way younger)! One comforting thing about her is her voice! She has a sweet, relaxing voice and she's naturally soft spoken. Her voice makes me melt! Not only does she have a sweet voice, but she talks in a really sweet tone of voice. The tone of voice she speaks with is really comforting. Not only is she very comforting to be around, but she's naturally really pretty, she smiles a lot and she has a very positive attitude. She encourages me to have a positive outlook on life, one of the things I love about her! I also love it when she calls me terms of endearment, "Sweetie" for example. However, the #1 reason why i'm so obsessed with her and attached to her is definitely because she's my best friend and one of my only friends. I have trouble making friends due to having Autism, and she was one of the only people who actually made an effort to really get to know me and befriend me. I have this really special connection with her that i've never had with my peers. My peers are mostly nice to me, but they never invite me anywhere.

How do I get over my obsession with this teacher? I still want to be friends with her, but I want my friendship with her to be a healthy friendship, not an obsessive one. Does anyone have any advice for me? Thank you!

Hey Alexa, welcome to WrongPlanet!

I think you’re trying to read her mind rather than going off what she says to you. If you were overwhelming her then she would probably say so. So don’t beat yourself up over that.

As for a more healthy relationship - difficult right now to form alternative relationships. You could try seeing how long you can go without messaging her, and keep trying to beat your record? But imo by far the most effective thing is finding a replacement.

I don't have much advice but I know how you feel regarding having an obsession with another female, as I sort of have one too.
You're lucky, because the woman you're obsessed with likes you. The woman I'm obsessed with doesn't like me. In fact she hates me.
We used to be friends a few years ago and I was obsessed with her but the obsession caused me to become jealous of her because she had all the guys after her even though she was like 60 and not even very attractive. She was so smug about it too like she wanted to make me feel jealous, but then when I did get jealous she turned nasty.
This caused us to argue and she made me feel upset, so we didn't talk any more. Then she moved from the area but is still about on Facebook, and I wanted to forget about our silly argument and move on, so I sent her a friend request hoping that she was forgiving, but she blocked me! Which is frustrating because I'm still kind of obsessed to the point where I want to be friends and learn more about her.
For some reason she just fascinated me, because she had some odd ways and some people said she has bipolar but I can't be sure. I'd like to find out more about that but I can't. I don't want to keep asking the people who know her about her because I don't want it to be obvious that I'm obsessed or anything.

Might be worth thinking about becoming snail mail penpals instead, including actually putting pen to paper instead of printing off a letter to send. Physically writing a letter puts me in a different mindset than typing does. It's a different feeling when you know you won't hear back for a week & can't go sharing the newest(!) news(!) quickly, easily, and constantly.

I guess that's not as rare for girls on the spectrum. You are focussing on her because she's nice and smart and not rejecting towards you in opposite to not even few other people. Stop that and become aware of yourself more. You are totally fine regardless of what others may have told you. Do focus a bit on yourself regarding improvements. Making friends is not as difficult as soon as you improve at dealing with eye-contact.

I can understand this, I've had my share of obsessions with people.
The only way to approach it is to be really mindful of boundaries and do your best not to cross any.
Always be aware that although she is wonderful and supportive, she has her own life and need for privacy. Being a teacher she also has to be careful not to get too close with students.
As long as you are mindful of that, continuing the friendship will probably be OK.

I don't think you need to get over this person and probably couldn't if you tried. She is clearly very special to you and she obviously enjoys your company too. Your feelings for her are very intense and maybe stronger than her's for you , but it sounds much more a genuine reciprocal relationship than creepy stalking. She may have been a former teacher, but you are now two adults who have chosen to be friends with each other. You are careful not to smother her or cling to her. I say enjoy this special person as long as both your circumstances allow

When I was a teenager, apart from having one friend who was younger then me, and then he moved abroad, and another friend on and off who was either a bully to me or a friend compared to when... (He would bully me for years and then switch to being best friends when he had noo friends, but if he found another friend he would turn on me again... (Though we kept our peace later and as adults he is the only one from school who has kept in touch and I really appreciate that. He calls in on average once a year).
But anyway... I did find that I had elderly friends some 50 or 60 years older then me. My best elderly friend was a retired school teacher (Apart from my Grandad who I adored). Oh. I did have a friend for the first two years of secondary school. She was about 5 years older then me and a prefect. She looked after me and stopped me from being bulied, as I was allowed to stand there with her in the corridor during break and lunch times. If I had been out in the school yard I would have been bullied. I remember her name and what she looked like. Only once saw her again about two years after she had left school so she must have been around 20. I have never seen her since and do not know what happened to her. I would love to know!
But this elderly retired school teacher was lovely. Somehow I could connect with those who were my grandparents ages, but less so with those of my parents ages. Yet, as I am now my parents age when they were my age, there are no one my grandparents age left. One guy we know is in his late 80's. My grandad would be 100 now if he was alive.

I think it is good to have your friend who is a teacher. A word of advice. Stay friendly. Do not think you have to distance yourself. Yes, once or twice a week is fine as she has her family to attend to... Why I say this. Time is short. Love the friendships you have and can get. Talk to her explaining how you feel if you feel it will help. Do not try to seperate yourself from her friendship because you don't know how long people will live for. The retired school teacher who was my friend (And she became a family friend so we all loved her) died of cancer when I was in my 20's. I still miss her to this day!
My Grandad died in my 20's. I really miss him as well.
I miss all the people I knew. I seemed to share my parents friends rather then have my own friends, but I do have a friend or two of my own. Not many but the few I do have are special. One from Ireland, and a lovely special person who is lovely who I met in here.