I don't like rules, but I like structure

Post Reply New Topic

I like being able to set my own routines, and I find it hard to work with things or situations that don't have some sort of a definite structure to them, yet at the same time I hate following rules that have been imposed on me by other people. Is this strange at all for an aspie?

I guess if I were to provide an analogy, it's like I want to be told "OK, this is how it's done, and here's what we recommend you do to get this task done, but you don't have to do it exactly the way we tell you to" whenever I'm provided with a task.

Perhaps slightly outside the norm for autism spectrum, but very much inside it among coders & hackers. I just hack the things I myself am running in order to obtain the details I need to continue my work, or I void my warranties in order to gain administrative access so I can organize things the way I need them working.

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos

I think I fall into this category to a degree. I am very much about rules when it comes to things like driving--I will curse at other drivers just as readily for yielding their right-of-way as for running a stop light! But when it comes to social rules, I rebel a bit. I like to know what to expect, but there are so many social rules that aren't commonsense (or even logical) in their origins that I find myself inadvertently breaking them; and even if I know of them, I will break them sometimes just for the joy of watching the response from others and laughing at the absurdity

Recently, my husband was trying to decide upon a nice shirt to wear to a concert. (Apparently everything suitable was in the laundry.) I suggested a bright blue shirt or a bright green shirt, both of which look very flattering on him. He rejected those options on the grounds that it was a week before Easter, and he could not wear bright colors or light fabrics until after Easter, even though it was a warm week and the flowers and trees were blooming in an abundance of equally bright colors. I could not understand what Easter had to do with anything: if the weather is warm and vernal, why should he not wear "spring clothes" simply because of an arbitrary church holiday? He also will not wear "summer clothes" like stone-colored chinos after Labor Day, even though we have summer weather here even well into October... very puzzling.

i can relate to that. i definitely need structure, but also need to do things my way. not to long ago i came up with my own way of solving something and my teacher said, "you can't do it that way! "guess what, i just did and it works for ME

I like structure and rules. The rules I don't like is illogical ones. For instance, I hate when people say "you need to do this or that because I SAID SO!" That's not logical in my mind that I have to follow a rule based on an I said so and no other reasoning. The other rules I dislike are ones that are imposed on you because someone else decided to f**k up and ruin it for everyone else, for example: my school wouldn't allow you to wear a hoodie because someone decided to choke someone by pulling on the hood when walking behind them. I can't stand that i couldn't wear my favorite article of clothing because of an immature dumbass that I don't even know nor even goes to our school anymore, decided to do something stupid like that. I also hate the double standard rules, the one where you can't eat in the classroom but the teacher will in front you type of thing.

Liking structure and hating rules IS NOT inconsistent.

Rules are created by others, and they don't always mandate the best way to do something.

If a rule creates a bad structure, that merits disliking it.

I never had an issue with rules but I liked structure. Only reason why I followed rules was because I didn't like being punished or having a consequence. I did have a problem with justice though because I noticed it was okay for other kids to do things but whenever I did it, it was a big deal and I had to be the one in trouble for it and being told I can't do it. I would point out other kids do it too and the teacher wouldn't care. They would just say "don't worry about Jeff what they do, you only worry about you." I felt singled out and discriminated. I had an issue with that double standard. I did get in trouble a lot because of it and I didn't care, I would only be upset about the unfairness. Even my mother saw the BS and think it happened because I was a sped student and on the IEP and she agrees it is unfair. I have noticed how rules tend to be enforced with special needs but yet they let normal kids get away with breaking social rules and things. I just noticed it at age ten and didn't realize it. I just saw how I was treated compared to other kids and I was sick of being different and wanted to be treated normal.

For years as a child I thought rules were made for control and to push people around and dictate and have power and watch them suffer if hey break it so you give them a punishment. So I was waiting to be the boss, being an adult, having kids of my own to have my turn with it because it looked so much fun. Now I know that isn't the case and you don't make rules to be controlling or to push people around, rules are made so people are safe and to make the environment safer and so things get done too like why a teacher has rules about turning in assignments and so things are fair and convenient for everyone else like the teacher or work has rules about being late. Throwing your weight around will lose peoples respect. We may not agree to a rule so we tend to find it stupid. I am sure anyone does. Some rules I may break because how is anyone going to know I am doing it? Such as how you do things you know. Or what about living in Washington and you drive down to Portland just to evade sales tax when you go see a movie or eat out or buy food or shop, how is anyone going to know? My parents did this a lot when we were little and other times it was because we would go to Saturday Market or wanted to go to Powells Books or go to Costco and they didn't that up in the Vancouver area and they had lot of stuff down there our town didn't have so we went there a lot so most of the time it wasn't to evade sales tax. Also if we happened to be down there, we did stuff down there we could have done in our town so why would we have to drive all the way across the river just so we are not breaking the law lol just to see a movie or to eat somewhere. Plus don't forget how when Janzten beach Mall was built, that was for Washingtonians to drive there to enjoy the sales free tax shopping because it was so close to the state border. So that was our city encouraging them to break the law lol but adly the mall went dead in the 90's and most of it got town down and little bit of it was left and it turned into a box development and then the rest of the mall was torn down two years ago and only Burlington was left which used to be a Kmart and they built other box stores next to it. Now it's all a big box development now. I can see why the law would be in place but I also find it a stupid law too. I can just put in my story of having the father telling his whole family, "kids, we are going to go grocery shopping and we are going all the way down to Portland to do it so we won't have to pay sales tax. That will save us some money." LOL.

I'm another one who likes structure but doesn't like rules.

It's called "being a slave to fashion." A typical NT affliction.

I don't like stupid rules. As I've aged, I've gotten more careful about dismissing them out of hand, though. I try to see the context in which they made sense to the person who made them. I think everyone goes through that to some extent. Learning the ways one can break the rules more or less correlates to maturity. I probably don't follow them much more than I ever did, but I find that things work better when I take care how I break them.