Communication

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I am curious to see if others share my communication problem. I cannot talk to people unless there is an objective to achieve. For example I can communicate with a stranger to get directions to a location but I cannot communicate after this point. If some random person says hello to me I fail to respond as there is no objective. I fail at frivolous small talk for a similar reason as I cannot see a point. Is anyone else like this, do you require an objective for communication to be possible?

Thank you.

Welcome to WP CuddleHug. I like your screen name, it's really cute.

I have not heard of that particular issue but I have a similar issue sometimes. Not always, but fairly often. Sometimes I can't start something unless an outside force gets me started. Once I start I can carry on to completion and often times do the task extremely thoroughly and well but that first start seems impossible. Maybe that is a similar thing that happens in your ability to speak.

This happens to me constantly. Basically I need an outside force for me to start doing anything even if it is something I really want to do!

Sorry, ADD moment Back to the original post...

I have had this happen in a way, but only when I am really overwhelmed. Then my speech comes out funny, and I just talk to get my needs across. The rest of the time I can be pretty chatty, but what I say always has to mean something, if that makes any sense. I can't do regular social chit chat very easily, or at least I just don't tend to do it. My conversations with people seem always to be informative, like giving directions or talking about a special interest, or in someway intellectually stimulating.

This is it right there, the part I bolded.
Probably mostly no one on the planet communicates if they cannot identify an objective or reason for communicating, just like you. =)

For NTs, small talk is not just random noise making like blowing bubbles in a bath, it has an objective, it always does.
There are many objectives for small talk, not just one for all of it, which makes it harder to identify.

You're not missing out on small talk because "there is no point to it," you are missing out because YOU cannot figure out why they're doing it.
(don't feel like the lone stranger, me too)

Pay attention here.
You may not know why they are talking because you do not value their reasons.

As an example, I may not value sports cars, I may even think they're stupid, penis extensions. I may even choose to never buy a sports car.
But some people do like sports cars. In fact many people like sports cars enough to buy one.
I may not have to buy one, but someday I may have to ride in one.
And if I want a ride from my friend with a sports car, I better not spend all my time making faces and puking noises and sneering at him about how tiny his penis must obviously be for liking such a "superficial" thing.
That's not a good way to make and keep friends.

But what if he lets me drive it (or makes me) and what if some pretty girl pulls up beside me and starts making eyes at me?
Well, I might start changing my mind right quick about how much Imma hatin sports cars, huh?

And it also may be that if you did understand the reasons they talk you might find it much easier and even enjoyable.





Just a thought.

140lb
I just read your response and please forgive me for being ignorant, I feel kind of embarrassed that I am ignorant about this, but I don't understand how you are referring to penis size and what that means with sport cars. I don't know what a penis extension is. Sorry for being ignorant.

Oh, sorry, shanzy cars and monsterously useless city driven pickup trucks are (unconsciously) used as a courtship display of "resources" and/or the ability to provide for a female, if one wants to be kind and "generous" about it.
Often the owners are obvious in their pride that it proves their masculinity.

So, many people -men and women alike in my experience- consider it as "compensating for some other lack" of ability to satisfy a female, basically saying he's got tiny manhood (both literally and figuratively), plus it's really easy to believe that when you actually talk to these kinds of guys.

Men can't "surgically" enhance their penis as much as women could enhance their cleavages with implants, so they buy a truck.
Thus a penis extension, "my truck's bigger 'en yur truck."

Oh, did I say obvious in their pride? I mean Obnoxious.

Also my point would have been easily made without having added the distraction of "penis extension."
Sorry about that.

Thank you for explaining. No worries about the extension addition. I am glad to learn what you meant since I am sure that a lot of people are like that. Seems silly and ridiculous to me. I never really understood all the courtship rituals. I am glad my husband and my brothers are super down to earth and would not do anything like that.

Probably because they're secure in their masculinity, which over all is much better than trying to park those monstrous things. =)

140lb wrote:

Haha i believe this too.it reminds me of the south park episode where they change the average penis size. people are more angry and more willing to confront and fight or be aggressive for the same reasons.there is a guy in my neighbourhood that always leaves his garage open to show off his corvette stingray

As far as communicating,i have issues as well chit chat seems pointless.to me its an exchange of information.its easier when I'm engaged by someone but can usually only come up with one liner comments if any.if i engage someone for info i usually rehearse it in my mind first but its still sometimes comes out awkward.if someone says hi i usually just say hi back and continue on my way.

I do not know them.
so
there is no reason.

Sorry for being a little crass:

When one becomes an adult--whether man or woman--one is cognizant of the meaning behind the clliched phrase:

"It's not the meat--it's the motion."