I got surprised to discover how others see me!

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So, I always thought others saw me as shy and sensitive and that I was appropriate, as you can read in previous posts. But I decided yesterday to ask a couple of friends how they saw me and here are some things they answered:
- I am like a robot
- I am cold sometimes as I try to "rationalize" everything
- when we are talking sometimes I simply space out
- I stare at people (damn it! I could swear I had learned appropriate eye contact!)
- everyone thinks I am weird
- when we talk it seems like I am not interested in chitchat but that I am analyzing everyone
- I move too much and speak too fast and people don't understand what I am saying
- I am naive and don't get many things I should

that was very surprising because I could swear my acting normal was perfectly normal! Guess what, I am more clueless than I had thought

ADDED: another friend gave me feedback and that is what she said: I am always moving my fingers (maybe that was what the others meant by moving too much), in class I act weird as I move my fingers, rock, and look at completely random places spacing out. She said it was like I was in a parallel universe. Well, I can't deny that description was not far from the truth but I had thought I didn't stim as much outside home (I try to control it when I am not at home)

Last edited by linatet on 06 May 2014, 6:05 pm, edited 2 times in total.

This isn't so strange. We often have a poor self perception versus how others see us.

yeah. The strange thing was, my self perception was so poor I couldn't see maybe I had poor self perception.
I got very surprised. Really. Before I could have bet all my money I was faking it right.

Welcome to having Aspergers. This stuff is pretty standard. The only thing worst is getting branded as quiet all the time while not realizing (or in my case admitting) that I am not talking enough to meet the socially normal standards.

Yep, that's my story too. It was a humbling realization.

I know, everywhere I read about aspergers they say it. But somehow I didn't realize it could apply to me, you know?

Hey Linatet: I forgot what you are going for in University.

Are you going for Cognitive Neuroscience? I bet you'd be good at that.

I am studying international affairs and law. But I am still not sure.
oh thanks! Why do you think so? Also I think neuroscience is very interesting. Problem is I would have to study biology or psychology aaaall the way

I think you have a fascination with the subject of neuroscience. I think this just might be the future of autism.

yeah i lack self awareness too. the only way for me to know is for people to tell me. the best way for me to fake it is to have a friend train me instead of trying to wing it. but even nt's have at least some trouble with that. i remember an actor talking about seeing herself in her first film and thinking, "is that really how i sound?!" "is that really how i move and walk?!"

What makes everyone think that others perceptions are so accurate? And our perception of ourselves is so wrong?

Perception is not straight forward and is coloured by many things such as believe systems and rituals and social norms common to that culture. What is weird in one culture or subgroup of a culture is not weird or is even normal in another.

I personally find others perceptions of me are useless or inaccurate. I mean hell they don't even understand why I like the paleo diet and why eating processed foods everyday is not exactly paleo and will basically negate any beneficial effects it has, especially for me as I have digestive difficulties with grains and dairy and don't seem to be well adapted to them.

And that is another thing, things like lactose intolerance is seen as a disorder or an illness when in actual fact it is really just about being adapted to dairy consumption or not. We all assume that all humans should be adapted to dairy (even though it has only been part of a diet for a tiny faction of the time humans have spent evolving) and that those who are not are ill or defective. Why should all humans be adapted to dairy consumption? Because out modern day society says so? When did society become god?

Do most people actually question that assumption...the answer is no. They just make it and judge the poor soul based on their own limited understanding of what is really going on.

Perception alone is not always a very accurate way of gauging something.

Hell i have to avoid the human race so it does not keep trying to feed me toxic processed s**t. If I decline to eat it I am seen as being difficult or too fussy or boring when in actual fact I just want to be healthy and have energy and vitality. I simply don't have those things when I include processed foods, grains, processed sugars and dairy in my diet.

I don't want to feel tired and lethargic and depressed and have awful mood swings and gut pain and diarrhea and migraine headaches and numb patches of skin etc just become someone thinks I am an arse for not wanting to join them in eating a slice of cake every day.

Nor do I want them pissing on my parade with their so called pity whereby they convince themselves that my paleo diet and life without junk food must be so horrible I must be being tortured. Actually I love my paleo diet, I love the food, I love the energy it gives and I love not feeling physically unwell and tired every day. I really don't miss the toxic crap that others want me to poison my system with and my life is not torture. If anything is torture it is their lack of understanding and and so called empathy. My fresh rib eye steak, roast butter nut squash and fresh vegetables are very satisfying, much more that than frozen flavourless nutrition less pizza they are eating.

Then there are those who think that I think eating the paleo diet makes me more virtuous or superior. Oh for ferk sake. Let us try this again for the 150th time. I eat paleo diet because I enjoy the food and feel much healthier. Ego has nothing whatsoever to do with it.

Humans are delusional. They convince themselves that showing me pity means they are empathic. If they are so empathic then why don't they understand what I am really feeling? Why don't they pick up on my excitement and the joy that the paleo diet brings me? Why can't they pick on and understand that I am enjoying this whole new wonderful exploration of food and feeling absolutely ferking great whilst I am doing it.

I'll leave them to their 'Junk food laden I am feeling tired and run down" world I think. It's where they seem to be happiest. But I am not following suit.

I am looking for paleo meet up in Norfolk. I tried meet up.com. There is no group here. I can try and start one but not for a week or so, my hard drive needs replacing and my pc is going in for repairs.

They might get.

My point is that people can perceive things incorrectly and tend to do so in a way defined by their believe system. Do not confuse their perception of you with truth. They are not actually the same thing. Question things. Even other peoples opinions.

Do you, for the love of all that is holy (if you believe in that kind of thing, which I am agnostic in regards to these days) want to rely on the perceptions of people who can't understand something so basic as that which I have outlined above?

I know I sure as hell don't.

But hey, go for it if you want to. I'm still taking a pass.

I have made virtually exactly the same realizations as you myself recently.

It's astonishing how clueless I've been about these things most of my life. Similarly to raisedbyignorance I was really surprised when I overheard someone I worked with closely once say to others that I was extremely quiet all the time, as I had just thought I acted normally because he didn't say much either (I didn't realize it was because of me he was quiet, as with other people he was always extremely talkative, almost to their detriment). I've also only recently realized that although I feel very sensitive and caring about other people inside my head, people have no way of actually knowing this when I probably don't ever give any impression of these things outwardly.

I don't worry about other people's perceptions of me.
I just be myself and try to be considerate of other people.
That's the best I can do.

one of those friends started training me today. She was going to introduce me to her friends and told me when someone says for instance : "I like band x" instead of answering "I read a research about music types blablabla" I should say something as in "I like it too!". She said people are not interested in quantum physics (I never talked about quantum physics but maybe this is how the things I talk about sound to them). It seems obvious that I shouldn't talk about theories and researches but besides that I really don't know what to say.
then when she introduced me to her friends the group talked for half an hour or so. She whispered to me "say something!" but I really didn't know what to say.
I agree self perception is difficult for everyone, for instance Facebook and the internet is full of "how I see me - how others see me - how I actually am" jokes

Last edited by linatet on 06 May 2014, 12:00 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I am using perception here not in a judgemental or understanding way (for instance, how others judge how I act) but rather objectively as I act, like I didn't realize I stared at people.