Could an otherwise inappropriate gift be OK for an Aspie?

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I'm new here, so first off--hello everyone! Now my question:

My boyfriend and I are both Aspies. I've never really done well with the gift-giving thing, and don't really "celebrate" holidays, but lately have decided to make more of an effort to outwardly show people that I care. So, my boyfriend's birthday is coming up. He is turning 35, and I have no idea what to get him. Most of the "Top Gifts For Men" articles I come across on the net suggest clothes, fancy grooming products, flashy accessories, or sports-related items. My bf has no interest in sports, has not changed his style of clothing since seventh grade (nor does he want to), and has no interest in fancy grooming products. I've seen enough unused or discarded gifts from other people around his apartment throughout the three years we have been together to know that he doesn't want any of the "typical" guy gifts. So that leaves me stumped.

The only thing I can really think of relates to my bf's strong interest in "unlocking" and "fixing" electronics. As in, he likes to mess around with cell phones, tablets, etc. and customize the roms or find ways around whatever restrictions were placed by the manufacturer or service provider, etc. He also loves to fix broken TVs, computers, cell phones, tablets, etc. As weird as it sounds, I think if I bought him a box of broken phones and tablets he'd love it, but I have been told by my sister and parents that it is not an appropriate thing to give someone for their birthday. Other than the broken box of electronics, I have no idea how his interest could translate into a gift.

Does anyone have any thoughts or suggestions?

You should buy him what you think he would like, and not worry about what other people think about it. The only thing that matters is what he thinks about the gift, not what other people think about it. I would say that for anybody, whether or not they were an aspie.

Thanks for your reply.

His family always has a big dinner the weekend after the birthday of whatever family member. His aunts, cousins, etc. all come over, and gifts are given after dinner. I was planning to give him my gift at the dinner table, same as everyone else, so the broken electronics wouldn't work if they aren't "appropriate."

I might just have to stick with the original gift idea but save giving it to him for some other time.

lovesGSDS,
just buy him what he wants-presents shoud be chosen based on what a person likes otherwise what is the point in buying something thats only going to be chucked out,not used or returned to the shop for store credit? its a waste of effort getting them and a waste of money,may as well just get him something he coud really like.

KB8CWB, that looks like heaven.

Get him the broken electronics for him to fix and play with. It seems like he would enjoy it. I the other family members do not understand then they have been the bad gift givers, not you.

The box of broken electronics sounds like a good gift choice. You should go with that.

Hallmarks of an appropriate gift:

1)the gift is something the recipient will enjoy

2)the gift will cause no harm (it would be inappropriate to give alcohol to a recovering alcoholic even if he would enjoy it)

3)the gift breaks no laws (was not stolen, is not illegal drugs etc.)

Your proposed gift fulfills those hallmarks wonderfully. It seems like your family members thought too narrowly about point (1). They have probably never before seen somebody enjoying a gift of broken electronics and for people who don't like to tinker, it would be a cruel passive-aggressive joke. The great majority of people want to receive electronics that work. However, just because this gift would be inappropriate for most people (thus violating point 1) doesn't mean it's inappropriate for him. He loves to tinker and what bothers other people (having to fix something broken) would be a source of joy to him. They are thinking too narrowly.

It will be a fine gift and I hope you do give it to him.

It sounds like a great idea and I bet he will really like it! However, if you're worried about what his family might say, just give it to him before or after the dinner, and give him something like a small gift card to a restaurant he likes at the dinner. Good luck!

That gleamingly neat and organized workspace is a thing of utter beauty!

I'd love that as a gift if that was my interest!

It doesn't matter if other people don't find it appropriate. It's not for them. It only matters if he would like it.

I think a gift that lets the person know that you know and understand them is better than a "socially appropriate" gift.

Seriously, KB8CWB, I just can't get over how awesome that room looks. I think I will definitely go with the tools for this birthday (something he will like AND that is "presentable" at the family dinner), but for Christmas... I want to make an organized space like that for him. I know he would absolutely love it! Right now all of his parts and tools are in a bunch of different plastic bins. I don't know how he has them organized, but I'm certainly going to make it my mission to find out.