People on the AS can sustain friendships. Effort is required

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StarCity
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05 May 2014, 4:57 pm

Making friends & keeping those friendships going is no easy task, especially for people like myself who are on the AS.
The thing is that IT IS possible.

It's just a matter of "give & take". Realising that not everyone thinks the same way I do, and allowing other people to have a different opinion and/or outlook to mine.

I don't like having too many friends because it gets overwhelming, but 3 or 4 is fine. The people I choose to be my friend are those that accept me for ME (the rest are aquaitances). True friends realise that I have good days and bad days. Who understand that I may arrange to meet up but then cancel due to being overloaded by something that happened that day. Who are Ok with that so long as I let them know before the time that we had arranged to meet up.

Today I met up with 2 GREAT friends.
An incident occured where the two of us on the spectrum got "too much input" but it was resolved by us hugging eachother which in fact brought us closer together.

This is the song that all 3 of us decided sums up our trio friendship:
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gs2ocwf8gaM[/youtube]


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We, the people on the Autistic Spectrum have a choice.
We can either try to "fit in" with the rest of society, or we can be so egocentric that we can't be bothered.
I choose the actor. I observe NT's. I listen to their socializing. I practice it, so in social situations I can just emulate/mimic what is expected.
It isn't natural for me, but it enables me to "fit in".
It is VERY tiring and draining, but at least we can appear like them even though it is an act. Like being on the stage.
They can't see it is emulation, and so we are accepted.


binaryodes
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05 May 2014, 5:31 pm

That
Is
Awesome
:D

Its the kind of friendship circle ive never dared to even dream about. It is hard to find that kind of synchronicity/emotional intimacy however. I for example dont really understand how give and take works. Im liable to either take nothing or give everything. I also have only just discovered that banter entails the exchange of insults. Before I generally perceived it to be offensive and meant to sting so replied in kind.

Its not just a matter of give and take its about finding people who intuitively understand your needs and your flaws but are willing to accept you nonetheless. If you're as flawed and paranoid as I am its very hard to both find and maintain friendships. When you DO find such a friendship however i've heard whisperings that it can be quite the experience.


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GibbieGal
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05 May 2014, 7:50 pm

Thanks for posting!



EzraS
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05 May 2014, 10:21 pm

i only have one actual friend and thats only because he's always maintained the friendship.



MrGrumpy
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06 May 2014, 10:20 am

NT proverb - "A friend in need is a friend indeed"

ND proverb - "A friend in need is a bloody nuisance"



ZombieBrideXD
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06 May 2014, 12:30 pm

i can agree! i have mad lots of friends but wasnt able to keep them.



sometimes two people just click and become friends

my best friend is Rachel, weve been together for 10 years, we met when we were 7, both outcasts and got along right away. Shes not so much of an outcast anymore and even though were 9 months apart, she seems older than me now. but we still get along


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GibbieGal
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06 May 2014, 5:28 pm

EzraS wrote:
i only have one actual friend and thats only because he's always maintained the friendship.

Me too. And sometimes I feel resentful about it 'cause we don't have that much in common (we're not even from the same generation - which is fine, but awkward) and I feel like she needs me to be more involved and I either can't or won't.