I know I'm not NT because...

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For those on the spectrum who find themselves questioning their diagnosis sometimes ("Maybe I'm just introverted or depressed or...etc.?"), is there something that you find yourself pointing out to reassure yourself that yes, you probably are on the spectrum after all? It can be confusing when other people mistake you for "normal" and explain that whatever you are struggling with is no different than what everyone else has to deal with.

In my case, out of many things, my psychologist brought up one thing that she found most convincing: I often don't talk because "I don't have anything to say." I'm not just shy or inhibited; I actually don't have anything goin' on in there (at least not something that would be used in a conversation). Maybe I'm paying more attention to my inner world than to people? I don't know. But for some reason, this stood out to her.

What about you?

i am "not all there"

Every time I wonder if I am NT I get a big reminder that I am not. Usually it's a sensory overload thing or a huge gap in my ability to communicate of do things that involve executive function. Or the people who know me best tell me I did or said something "Autistic".

er...in this part of the country, you'd just be called sensible.

This is an interesting topic. And one I think about a lot (as I frequently question my diagnosis).

Like you, in many situations, I often do not have anything to say. I do wish I could think of something to say that will result in a meaningful conversation. But, for some reason, it is very difficult for me. Even when I am with people I am very comfortable with (including family, siblings, etc.).

There are some exceptions, of course. When I am at a store and I need something (e.g. I need help finding a product), I have no issues asking for help. Or, when I am at work, and I need to collaborate with someone on an assignment, I have no issues asking for help or suggesting a possible solution. But, if I am with those same work colleagues and at an event (say a celebration lunch), I have difficulty talking about anything but work. Which is typically something people are not interested in discussing during that type of event.

Back to your question. I have asked myself, what if they ruled out Aspergers and attributed my “deficits in social communication and social interaction” to simply “being shy and introverted” or perhaps Social Anxiety, then what?

Well, then I would ask, how would you explain my “Restricted, repetitive patterns of behavior, interests, or activities”. I imagine, some of this could (possibly?) be explained by Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder (i.e., OCPD), which is quite different from OCD. As that could explain a lot of things (including: forest vs tree thinking, black and white thinking, perfectionism, routines, lack of flexibility, various obsessions, etc.).

But, still, that would not explain other things. Such as:
- Deficits in Executive Functioning (which were quite prominent from the neuropsychological testing)
- Deficits in Sensory Processing (particularly auditory and tactile, motor skills, etc.)
- Near constant worry (which I have experienced from early childhood – which could be explained by an anxiety disorder)
- Near-constant dysphoria (which I have experienced from early childhood – which could be explained by a mood disorder)

that is funny!

I actually get that way too sometimes, in fact, it happens to me fairly often. It can make for difficult or awkward moments if people are expecting an answer of a response from me.

-The fact that i dont 100% know what im doing in a Social Situation, even when i feel confident, someone comes along and points out what im doing/ not doing

- constant need for routine and structure

- sensory sensitivities, can wear all the clothes my sister wears or plug my ears more than others

- My Test Results

You explained in several words what it took me several paragraphs to describe. There is no clear definition of what "normal" is.

I have ASD - A Sensible Disorder. Okay...that works.

My sensory issues are the biggest giveaway for me.

I live my life by my own rules.

Well, I don't want to have Asperger's in the sense that I'm afraid of "losing" it. It's not something I like, it's just the diagnosis I wound up receiving after a lot of deliberation as a way to describe my brain.

If I ever doubt that I'm not normal, I have only to look at the fact that strong emotional or social energy directed at me is unpleasant. I can be around people who are depressed or sick and feel energetic and compassionate, but drop me around sensitive, cloying people who want to connect and include me in social rituals and I can easily become sick. There's the distinct sense of being entrapped and invaded, though I enjoy superficial or one-way transfers of energy around town where I'm making people smile or cheering them up. I don't even mind being a confessional (and have been on more than one occasion), as long as the focus of that emotional energy isn't me and connecting to me.

It wasn't this bad in childhood. I don't know why it's gotten worse.

As a child I just hated it when adults would approach me and talk sweetly. I could "feel" that they were trying to open me up, and it made me uncomfortable so I wouldn't talk or show them anything I was drawing and writing because I knew it would be analyzed. As you can guess, the professionals my parents were taking me to had a fun time with me.

There are only a few exceptions to this, and they're highly offbeat people to begin with.

Last edited by ReverieMe on 04 May 2014, 2:09 am, edited 1 time in total.

Definitely my sensory issues. My other issues could potentially be caused by other things, but my sensory issues are what wrap everything into that neat little package known as an autism spectrum disorder. I mean, what are the odds that someone with sensory issues, obsessive interests, executive functioning deficits, concrete/literal thought patterns, social difficulties, emotional problems, stimming behaviors, and delayed language development is NOT on the spectrum?

Another thing that stands out to me is that I never quite feel that I'm on the same wavelength as other people around me. It does rarely happen that other people actually understand me somewhat, and that I understand them somewhat, but it just seems to me that NTs can "get" each other better. It's not a case of aspies having tighter connections to other aspies either, because I actually have a hard time connecting to most aspies as well, with my father (who I'm 95% sure is on the spectrum) being somewhat of an exception, though not entirely.

The biggest clue for me is my lifelong sense of "Who the f**k are these weird alien creatures all over my planet?"

I sometimes wonder about this, since I'm not even officially diagnosed. There is no single trait that convinced me beyond reasonable doubt that I have AS, but the combination of all of them does. All of that is just too much to be a coincidence. Even if it was, it would only mean that I'm not technically an aspie - but still close enough to one for all practical intents and purposes.

Since joining WP I've written a sizeable list of traits that might make me an aspie. (I wonder if an NT would write such a list, by the way? )

I mentioned that my difficulties in having anything to say were convincing to my psychologist (not sure why); for me it was social withdrawal when I was 12. I was homeschooled but we belonged to a co-op and there were lots of opportunities to have a decent social life. When I start believing the story that people around me tell ("You were just improperly socialized as a homeschooler - get around people more and you'll be fine!"), I remind myself that even socially-backward homeschoolers don't decide to stop all unnecessary communication with anyone for many years on end. When my family would go to other people's houses, my mom and sister would go have lots of fun interacting with all of their friends; I would sit in a corner and read, draw, try to sleep...people would try to speak to me and, so far as possible, I would just nod or shake my head.