Figuring people out without intuition

Post Reply New Topic

I have trouble figuring people out in terms of what they like and respond to. Things like giving the right kinds of gifts and compliments and doing favors people will appreciate. Some people like compliments and others don't. Some people like to be left alone when they're sad, others want a listening ear, and others want solutions. Some people like to be affectionately teased and others get offended. Some people think others are too clingy and other people enjoy interpersonal warmth. Stuff like that. Especially confused with NTs. The more NT they are, the more of a cipher they are to me. It seems like people think it means less if you have to ask. Is this because they feel like a true "connection" with another person is unspoken and if you have to discuss it, it means you don't "get" them or have much in common?

I'm on a quest to have better social skills. I've recently learned I have Asperger's. All these years, I thought the word "intuition" referred to the very careful attention, analysis, and mimicry I used in order to befriend and please other people. But now I know it is something different. What is it? Is it something Aspies can cultivate at all, or are we stuck with doing it all cognitively? And if so, what are some tricks so it doesn't take so long? Can we do it cognitively as fast as NTs do it intuitively?

I really want to get past my inhibitions and express my love for my friends and family. I have no idea what would be considered too standoffish OR too creepily familiar. (Especially when it comes to romance). Help a sister out!

the cognitive process is usually far slower than intuition but there are exceptions - sometimes intuition has to slowly percolate up from the deep dark cobwebby parts of the unconscious into waking life.

If you've got friends, then you're obviously already doing something right. I think you know!

To me intuition is being able to figure people out the way you can figure a dog out or vice versa. You understand on one level but are separate on others. Molly knows her dog and the dog knows Molly. but Molly will never act like a dog and the dog will never act like Molly.

I've been told I have good intuition, but it usually isn't specifically in reference to social interaction. I'm just generally an analytical thinker. I think I sometimes focus too much on finding the truth rather than finding what is helpful. I don't like things that seem like BS to me. People seem to interpret this as being negative. I don't mind offering sympathy, but I don't know how to give encouragement and pep-talks the way NTs do. It's just so awkward for me. I do understand, but it's just hard for me to act a certain way.

Cats are awesome

Most NT's are doing everything that animals do on 'Dog Whisperer,' or a nature documentary, except they are just verbal enough to chatter. I try to be courteous, but, in retrospect, they were no more meaningful than Mad Libs, or the droning voices on Charlie Brown.

Anyone with a mind for trivia will know there is always a trigger or anchor, a system of penalties and rewards.

I can sometimes tell you what one of them will do, even before they come into a room, based on the situation -- a complicated set of actions, in perfect order -- but, they will say I have no idea what they are thinking.

I believe that NT memory rings a bell, on a subconscious level, and they call this intuition.

In the rare instances, when I have heard of mysticism, there was vagueness or chicanery. I believe that synesthesia may be used that way, but people are calling it something else.

ive always felt an extra special connection with animals. and am told they act differently around me. dogs that are aressive to strangers are friendly to me and the same with pets that run away from strangers. and wild animals seem to let me get extra close like birds and rabbits.

Working a crap job in a restaurant as a younger man was invaluable to me, socially, even if it ret*d my career prospects. I started out a bit wooden, but always polite and attentive. This became my default state when I felt stressed.

It gave me a chance to observe people - customers and other staff. I noticed some of the other staff always did exceptionally well making tips, so I was given a financial incentive and an opportunity to learn and experiment in an environment that I eventually became very comfortable in.

It hasn't instilled me with perfect (far from it) social grace or the 'gift of the gab', and I HATE being waited-on, but I learned the importance of charming people and how to read and manipulate them to a certain extent. I can make people feel at ease, and I am quite adept at reading body language or facial expressions coupled with being pretty fearless for someone who would later find out they were autistic. I believe I can do these things better than some NT folk.

Are these things intuitive? I think so, but only in the way that learning something with lots of practice can become intuitive or at least create the illusion of intuition. There are still social situations that I NEVER see myself enjoying, because under certain conditions all my good learned behaviour can give way to stress and irrationality.

I still have my problems, and being autistic there's a reasonable chance that I actually get EVERYTHING WRONG and people are just too intimidated and I've been humoured most of my life. Social paranoia? Nah.

Without Intuition (I have none), I rely on my (somewhat imperfect) cognition.