Guys: do people think you're effeminate?

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I got into an argument over this the other day, because supposedly effeminate qualities I have, like certain ways I hold my hands, are things I see in guys all over the spectrum as someone who works with special populations. I insist it's an autism thing, not a gender or sexuality thing, but others feel differently. Are there other guys here who do things (gestures, postures, etc.) that people try to tell you are un-manly somehow?

I sometimes wonder if that's not why I am ultra-competitive and hot headed. It's my way of subconsciously trying to hide those qualities. I don't know if I do have such qualities but I WAS accused of being gay (the WORST thing you could be accused of in the 90s!) all through my school years. It wasn't because I didn't have a girlfriend because a lot of guys that age didn't either. I wouldn't be surprised if this wasn't the case: I have had FAR more attention from women when I mention that I have slept with a girl (literally not figuratively) or that I did have a relationship. Maybe they were always interested and that was their signal that I am heterosexual after all. I was told all the time how much of a wimp and wuss I was growing up so it makes logical sense although I don't know if that was the reason.

When I was growing up (probably ~ age 7), the older boys in the neighborhood used to tease me, calling my “Sally”. I absolutely hated it. When I was in middle school, I was told that I “carry my books like a girl”. Also, I was bad at almost all "guy" sports.

There were other things, of course. But these were the things that came immediately to mind.

I remember walking from an examination with a psychologist and my brother was waiting in the car apparently observing me, he told me to walk more assertively, or manly. Although I don't really identify being a man with style, being a man is doing what's right even though it might not be easy, which is why people say to "man up" when someone is doing the wrong thing because of a lack of courage.

Emotionally I think I identify more with women than men, and I hadn't shown any interest in sports up until very recently. I appreciate poetry, art, and all the 'softer' things in life, so I'm definitely quite effeminate, though not less manly for it I think.

Interesting. My ex totally presents as gay. (And is not without some man-interest.) But yes, the way he holds his hands (and now he's an Astaire song), mannerisms when excited, sitting posture often, quite feminine...of course, he'd be the worst-dressed gay man I'd ever met in my life, but yeah, if I didn't know him and I met him, I'd assume he was gay.

Even at 6'2'' with big beard, and the sort of physique one gets from heavy lifting all day every day, I come across as fairly effeminate. Always have done. People used to think I was gay (even close friends) until I married. Not that I have any issues with gay people at all. In fact I am a big gay-rights supporter, perhaps because I've been mistaken for gay so many times!

Nope. Not as far as I know, anyways.

I've had way too many people think I'am gay and this pisses me off. I don't have anything against gay people but others shouldn't be making these assumptions based on one's appearance and speech!

Many people said I was gay during muddle and high school. (They meant it as an insult and I understood it but I didn't understand why it was supposed to be insulting, so I didn't care.) Still now, some people comment that I am not "manly".

being male is a matter of chromosomes, but "masculinity" is a social construct & more often taught indirectly than directly. it's not surprising that early in life an aspie wouldn't know how to present it effectively.

I don't know how others see me but i found i had some effeminate qualities and tried to hide them back in high school,correcting them as they came.it still happens sometimes to this day.I've been asked if i was gay(not that theres anything wrong with it)because i hadn't had a girlfriend or sex it a long time(like five years)it was never a priority to sleep with everything that moved.i too have identified more with women than men and after a long time,for a while i had to even question my sexuality looking for a logical answer for the way i am.

Not sure...I know I don't come across as "masculine" as others because I don't take an interest in typical "guy" stuff.

I certainly get hit on by a fair number of gay men when I travel.

People seem to view me as having an almost genderless personality.