Pushing

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I live with my mom who is retired and though on the spectrum was never diagnosed. She is more verbal and social than I am. If we speak a dozen words in a day, that's cool with me. But not for her.

I put my dog to sleep about 2 1/2 weeks ago and have been struggling a lot since then. I miss my dog Bunny so much I find it very hard to function. And since her death, I have much less patience, tolerance to noise, smells, etc. And I have become much less verbal and have little patience with being pushed to be verbal, to interact with others.

I have done a little more than the bare minimum to get by, doing errands here and there when I can get myself to care enough to go do them, or at least want get out of the house.

My mom really wanted me to go with her to see her mom at my uncle's house for Mother's Day. I didn't want to go, so there was a hassle back and forth and finally I said I'd go because by then, even if I'd had stayed home, she had ruined it for me, I would have felt guilty and conflicted. So I went, and hated it. I hate small talk, I resented the attempts of others to interact with me, being asked how my job search is going (not well, and while you're at it why not give me a paper cut and pour lemon juice on it). Resenting the push to interact, the weight of their expectation. And I've been in my room ever since I got home.

I think this will be the last time she pushes me to go to some family get together of any kind. No more. I'm 45 and I've had it. If I want to go, I'll go, but I'm not going because I ought to, because she's pushing me.

How do I handle her pushing me all the time to be more social, to talk to her?

She feels she needs to push me. Me, I just wish I could move out. I don't want to be around her and at this point I'd like to get a snack in the kitchen but I don't want to be around her or for her to talk to me and then feel that I have to make a response, even if it is just yes or no.

She keeps pushing and pushing and I don't want to talk, interact, etc. I don't know what to do.

Just tell her that you don't want to talk and that you are not going to talk. If she tries to talk to you then just ignore her. You can also set up a talk time where you talk to her for maybe one hour in the day maybe over a cup of tea or something. That time can be designated talk time. That way she knows you are making an effort to not be disrespectful to her in her home. You are also meeting her need and then you have the rest of the time to not talk if you don't want to.

I am so sorry to hear about your dog. I can very much understand how your dog's death would affect you as it did. It's almost like a best friend or a kind of anchor being taken from you. That is very hard.