people's urge to say things they know are mean

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Do you often wonder why people (mostly NTs) like to be mean and joke around with each other? To be more specific, when I was in high-school, trying to fit in, and when I hung out with people, they often enjoy saying mean jokes to each other. Like jokes that seem to put each other down, and kind of like being dicks- they think it's cool to do that. Being older, I notice it's still like that too with older people even though it's somewhat less. What's really weird is that I often find when your hanging with guys, sometimes women, when you tell them something you don't like i.e. like a nickname you don't like, a joke you don't like to hear, or something specific that is upsetting or maybe gross- it often makes them want to say it to you even more. It's like once they are aware that you don't want them to say something; it's makes it almost hard for them to resist saying it- like an innate response. I've seen it with all type of people do that even friends that really respect me. It's weird- it's like they have to put a lot of effort in fighting the urge of not saying it and finally give in in saying it, even if they know they'll kind of feel bad afterwords. "I'm sorry I just had to say it." is often fallowed. I never can understand why it's such an urge for people to do that. I find it strange. Do you notice that too and do you find that to be strange and wonder why?

Yes, I've definitely noticed this and I don't understand it at all.

I used to work with those types and they were all women. All they seemed to want to talk about was sex, drugs and bodily functions. After one year of being coworkers with them, I've decided that I was going to hang out with an older group of people.

I have seen it a lot in my class, it seems to be everyday thing for them. Usually these mean jokes end up being funny (nearly) for everyone and to that person. When these jokes are made about me, I feel myself bad, and when someone is calling me with names, I get angry instantly.

Sorry to say this, but up until last year i was in schools for ASD kids my whole life and they acted the same way.
The problem i think for a lot of people on the spectrum is they are not constantly around a crowd of ASD people, only NT people, so they think certain behavior that's not nice is limited to NT's, but that's not true. Autistic kids can be plenty crude and mean as hell to each other. I've said and done things with and to other autistic kids i'm ashamed of.

We're not as removed from NT's as some might like to think.

If someone totally random is doing this to you, then yes, they are likely being a jerk.

If it's an actual friend doing it, that's likely not what it is.

It is likely something called "banter", the definition of which is: "an exchange of light, playful, teasing remarks; good-natured raillery". Though "light" can vary depending on who is saying it and their personality. But regardless of that part, banter is never meant to actually insult/hurt... it's just part of the fun and humor.

This happens for me when gaming, if I'm playing with/against (usually against) some friend of mine as an opponent.... we'll just have this nonstop flow of random verbal jabs and taunts and insults, some of which I suppose could sound mean to an outside observer, but this is all understood among everyone I know, and usually just leaves everyone involved laughing alot. Nobody is hurt, everybody is giggling.... but, that's BECAUSE of the understanding of what it actually is. And it's pretty much always done in a "funny as it can possibly be" way.

If trying to do the banter thing with someone that DOESNT get what it is, then yeah, it can hurt them.... and there's a decent chance that some of that hitting you is exactly that. People trying to do that, but not knowing/understanding that you simply dont recognize it as such. It's one of those things where people tend to assume that the person they're doing it with will get it. Not all of it though is that. Definitely not all of it. There'll be some genuinely insulting jerks out there.

I didnt really understand it back when I was a kid, but it was a concept I eventually learned over time, and learned to recognize. Which is good, since I'm into gaming, as it's EXTREMELY frequent among gamers, particulary those that are actually friends with one another. Of course some players really are just jerkwads and will be genuinely insulting, but I just ignore that sort.

Dont be TOO bothered if you have some trouble discerning all of this.... I think that sort of difficulty is very common around here, you're definitely not the only one.

That is very true, we all do things to hurt each other I am not somebody who dose this normally with intention normally by mistake and I do explain myself normally I do it by prehaps being straight forward with people, however I will add that it is true AS people can be horrid to each other in my secondary school I went to a centre for autism and one girl thier who was AS bullied me quite a bit and was at time extreamly mean to me.

And I thought this was an ASD thing. I got under the impression on here and at my group that some people with an ASD say things they know full well is rude or not nice or will be offensive because they have to get it off their mind or it will exhaust them. They see it as not being able to be themselves by speaking their mind. I saw it as a tic thing, the thing people with Tourette's get when they hold in their tics. So NTs have this issue too I see so it's a human thing, not an ASD thing.

the thing with the autism thing for me is speaking my mind, without knowing i'm being a jerk, just being honest and blunt. had that happen online a couple of days ago. i basically attacked someone in the process of making a point about something. i was out of line and didn't realize it and had to apologize to that person. so that's where i had to get an issue off my mind, but accidentally attacked someone in the process.

Now there's someone else I'm purposely attacking, knowing full well i'm being mean. but in my mind he's an evil sot who was attacking me when I first started, and now that i've gained a lot of popularity and he's probably sorry he messed with me, i'm rubbing his nose in it by using some of things he said against me in my signature. ironically he happens to be an aspie.

The reason they do it is to establish dominance.

When you are inherently social (like NTs are) you assume everyone is "one big unit trying to survive". In that unit there has to be a hierarchy of dominance in order to establish peace within that group.

Banter is a way to enforce dominance over others. NTs think of it as "social play", but people with AS often do not, because they are not inherently social. AS people tend to think of people as equal individuals. NTs do really not. Not because NTs are evil, but because you cannot have a coherent group synergy without a clear social hierarchy. People with AS do not need a group to feel good, so they do not see why anyone should be allowed to dominate them with banter.

This is exactly what happens between dogs (NTs) and cats (people with AS).

There are only two categories, truth and falsehood. If someone is "mean" for the sake of it, it is probably falsehood and the person not worth your time. Don't let bullies block your thought-pipeline.