What keeps you ?on the sidelines??

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Last week, I was describing several ?events? (for lack of a better word) from my past to my therapist. Each event involved a group activity where I chose to not participate and instead simply observe.

As an example, when I was young, I attended a cub scout outing at the roller rink. I wasn?t good at roller skating (as I had balance issues). In addition, the skates hurt my feet. So, I spent 2 hours watching the other kids skate. I couldn?t wait for the event to end.

At the end of the session, the therapist asked, ?Rocket ? What keeps you on sidelines??

I spent the past week thinking about this. I came up with the following:
- Feelings of not belonging
- Feelings of inadequacy
- Tendency to get frustrated easily (with tasks that I am clearly inferior at vis a vis my peers) and quit

I was curious if others in this forum had similar experiences (of preferring the sidelines, to being in the action). And, if so, why?

Dyspraxia and fear of humiliation? And painful memories of both?

Reading your post, I wondered if your therapist understood the innate balance issues some ASD people have. The therapist appears to have interpreted your dyspraxia/staying on the sidelines as having a solely emotional cause..

If that is what happened, might be time to consider whether this therapist can meet your needs?
I am wary of the tendency of therapists to "psychologise" features of ASD that are hard wired into our brains.
Who benefits from that approach? Not the client...

Oh, I never really thought about this before. But now you point it out, yes, I always stay on the sidelines. There is very few activities where I don't.

I'm not sure why it is. I guess it's because those types of activities tend to overwhelm me and I don't want to get into that situation, especially with a lot of people around. If I do, I know I'll be misunderstood and it be worse by people trying to touch me and asking me questions when I just need some time to myself.

As well as that, they're activities I feel too weak to be involved in. They rely on social interaction so much I just don't see why I should bother I guess.

But it's not really something I've thought about before. If I come up with anything more I'll try to remember to post it here.

It can be several things depending on the setting

Awareness of not belonging, knowing that I'm likely not welcome or wondering if I am
Being poor at the activity in question, and not wanting to humiliate myself and the group by making me (and us) look dumb
Participation doesn't occur to me
Not knowing how to be part of it
Having a hard time cooperating
Being content with watching

have always been on the inside looking out, or the outside looking in.

I can relate w/ stories from my own childhood.

Anxiety, fear of judgement of others, not feeling like I fit in naturally, poor balance/coordination when it came to sports and things etc.

However, I DID often participate in things vs. always stay on the sidelines. Especially sports. I wasn't the greatest at them, but I'd find my niche and play with others.

I'd say the biggest "sidelining," I've done throughout my life in terms of group activities would be whenever dancing is involved. I had such terrible coordination and anxiety there was no way I'd make an attempt at dancing. But I'd still enjoy the time OK observing others, analyzing the sound/light systems, enjoying the music/band etc. Currently my balance, coordination, and motor skills are much better and there may be a time in the future where I'd actually attempt to learn to dance a little. But it's still not really my thing. (although, once in a blue moon I'll do a little bit of "dancing," to some music on the radio after a workout/stretch if no one else is around - just to test my coordination/balance etc and get a bit of a core workout and have a little fun if I'm in the mood for it.) I'd learn to dance a bit for sure if I were getting married, or if I were obligated to dance with someone at their wedding (i.e. in the future if my god daughter were getting married and I was asked to have a dance with her or something) - then I'd practice practice practice ahead of time in order to be able to do that one dance, and I'm sure I'd do ok with it.

Over all I'd say it comes down to anxiety, fear, lack of self confidence and not feeling like you fit in.

I'm always on the sidelines, I never really thought about it either.
I'm just naturally in my own head in my own thoughts.
I have no instinct for social interaction.
Interacting with others is difficult and overwhelming and I don't know how.

I've noticed that I have no voice in a crowd.
Many years ago I was in a self defense class because of problems with an abusive person.
The class of about 20 to 30 women was instructed to yell "no" really loud all together. I couldn't do that. I wanted to run out of the class because the yelling was freaking me, but I just froze and stood there silently. I don't know why I couldn't yell with the crowd.
I never went back to that class.

I was at a cross country running event at my granddaughter's school.
When everyone was yelling and cheering my granddaughter on, I just stood there silently. I can't cheer like that even though I was so proud of her.
I didn't even think about it at the time but I thought about it afterwards.

I wouldn't be freaked out by others yelling like that, but I wouldn't have participated either. It just feels so awkward and strange to do. I've never been one to participate when my class was supposed to say something in chorus, I just kept quiet. Also, when I was little and listened to stories or watched puppet theater where they tried to get the children to shout and be active parts of the story, I was just turned off by that. and felt awkward about it. I liked being a passive observer.