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ImAnAspie
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18 May 2014, 4:40 pm

During one on one conversations, do you become aware or fear that you may be boring the other person?

For me, I quite often say to the other person "If I'm boring you, just say so."

I often feel like I'm boring people. They become quiet. Can anyone else tell if they're boring people and how?


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justkillingtime
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18 May 2014, 5:38 pm

They cut the conversation short and leave.


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wozeree
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18 May 2014, 5:44 pm

ImAnAspie wrote:
During one on one conversations, do you become aware or fear that you may be boring the other person?

For me, I quite often say to the other person "If I'm boring you, just say so."

I often feel like I'm boring people. They become quiet. Can anyone else tell if they're boring people and how?


Oh no, don't say that! Try to watch their body language or not go on too long, but don't say that, it's just all kinds of insecure. It's almost asking them to be bored by you. A social predator will pick up on that immediately and you will pay.



skibum
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18 May 2014, 6:45 pm

I am often not aware that everyone is not fascinated with the latest innovations of ski boot design. I don't always know when people are bored with me or my conversation. In fact, I very seldom know.


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Who_Am_I
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18 May 2014, 7:04 pm

Quote:
Aware of boring people?


Of course I'm aware of boring people; they're everywhere.


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AlienorAspie
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18 May 2014, 7:17 pm

Haha that is honestly what I thought the thread meant


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Rocket123
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18 May 2014, 7:30 pm

I consider myself somewhat of a boring person, particularly from a conversational perspective. For some reason (executive function?), I struggle to find topics to discuss while in the midst of a conversation. So, I am apt to remain on a single topic for a long time.

Sometimes, when I am planning to meet someone, I will come up with a list of topics to talk about. This only works, when I am planning to meet a specific person. It does not work when I am planning to be at an event (say a family event). I cannot prepare a list of topics for ?no one in particular?.

As a note, I would prefer to simply talk to others about the things that interest me. For example, I could talk about my process of learning about Aspergers for many hours. Unfortunately, that stuff is not interesting to others.



tarantella64
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18 May 2014, 7:39 pm

Ha, and my immediate reaction was shame: No, I'm probably not as aware of boring people as I should be, tune them out immediately and focus on the interesting people. Selfish etc.



tarantella64
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18 May 2014, 7:41 pm

Bit of a poster boy for this board, if you ask me:

http://books.google.com/books/about/Avo ... lIPgAACAAJ



ImeldaJace
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18 May 2014, 8:59 pm

I usually can't tell if I'm boring someone, at least when they are trying to be polite about it. I can tell if my brother is getting bored. He looks away from me. Now that I write that I wonder if that is one way to tell. :chin: Sometimes when I've been talking to someone and they have to look away at something like a computer screen, they say "I'm still listening." This has always confused me because it's pretty obvious that they are still listening when they are still talking back and forth with me. So maybe if they look away and are not really saying anything except "a huh", then someone is not listening?

I know asking the person if they're bored doesn't work a lot of the time because they will just be polite and say "no" no matter what they are actually feeling. I can ask when I'm talking to my mom, but that's because she understands about Aspergers. We also came up with a funny code phrase that she has started to use to tell me that she is bored with hearing about service dogs or something. She says "no one else cares about Greenland." This is a quote from a friend of mine. Once I was with a group of friends and I was telling them all about Greenland. At one point my best friend turned to me and said "(ImeldaJace), no one else cares about Greenland." and all of us burst out laughing because it was just a really funny situation. So that phrase has kind of become a running joke with my family.



AspieWolf
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18 May 2014, 9:16 pm

I don't care if I bore them. I just can't stand being bored by someone else and that means almost everyone else in the world.


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18 May 2014, 10:02 pm

I'm very aware of boring people they all seem like zombies...no personality.


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Ronbrgundy
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18 May 2014, 10:25 pm

Hi I NT my friend has Aspergers so I come on here sometimes. Hung out with him today.

I see a lot of talk on here about the whole boring topic.

My friend who has Aspergers is not boring. I see him withdraw sometimes when he feels like he is being judged or made fun of, or if he is having sensory overload. He will talk much less. Today he had a very good day and was chatty. I was also chatty. Our conversation played well off each other. It actually has been better for me to have him talk versus not talking. He is pretty good about talking about different topics though rather than just his special interests.

NT's worry about this same thing "am I boring this person with my conversation?". When I was underconfident and had social anxiety very bad, this feeling was worse for me. As I became more confident in my own skin, older, better at conversation I stopped feeling this way. I am not saying I never get a bad reaction. Sometimes I will say something, and by the response or body language the other person does not really take what I said as I wanted. I will sometimes replay these conversations to friends and ask their opinion of who was "right" so to speak.

Have you ever heard the saying "if you're bored then you're boring" ? I have found this to be true in life. In all honesty unless you can tie the reason for your being bored back to having a condition of autism or aspergers, in all likelihood you are boring. Its not a sin necessarily. I have been bored / boring person myself at times. I have had to force myself out of my shell and experience new hobbies, people, places, things.



wozeree
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18 May 2014, 10:48 pm

skibum wrote:
I am often not aware that everyone is not fascinated with the latest innovations of ski boot design. I don't always know when people are bored with me or my conversation. In fact, I very seldom know.


That just cracks me up. But have you ever thought about writing an article for a magazine or newspaper? OR maybe putting up a YouTube skibum channel?

I know better than to talk about any of my special interests and sometimes its so hard! One of them is kind of mainstream and my friend uses a password related to it for all of her websites, so whenever I have to do something for her and she gives me a password I have to grit my teeth really hard! Owww. Why are they so much fun to talk about?

I'm afraid that thing about if you are bored you are boring is the opposite with us. We are anything but bored with the subject, but the subjects are not interesting to everybody else.

And like man you go to a party and people talk about the most mundane stuff - I think my topics would be WAY more interesting - but I know better than to try it.

Anyway, I'm not sure ImAnAspie was talking about going on about his special interests, he may have just meant being boring in general and having nothing of interest to say. Join the human race! At the last party I went to, one of the big wigs of my company came and sat down across from me and went on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on about his young son who is just starting a business. Literally I thought he would never stop, it went on for like 45 minutes and then when he was done he said, Oh I just stopped by to say hi, I'm leaving now. The whole human race is hideously boring!

I've noticed that most of the people I know have a hard time talking about anything that is not part of their own life. Most people aren't remotely interested in talking about art, literature, science, or anything like that unless they can talk about their own art collection or their kid's scientific discovery or a book they just read. They can't think outside their own experience.

It really baffles me. How can you not be interested in the bigger world, and how can you function if you aren't?



ImAnAspie
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18 May 2014, 10:56 pm

Who_Am_I wrote:
Quote:
Aware of boring people?


Of course I'm aware of boring people; they're everywhere.


Boom tish!

Sorry, my mistake. I suppose it could be taken either way!

Aware of ... "the fact that you may be" ... boring people!

A heading is a heading. It doesn?t need to be a sentence. It?s an indication of the subject matter to follow but with limited space, it's hard to be precise.

Sorry people!


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Your Aspie score: 151 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 60 of 200

Formally diagnosed in 2007.

Learn the simple joy of being satisfied with little, rather than always wanting more.



Last edited by ImAnAspie on 18 May 2014, 11:01 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Who_Am_I
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18 May 2014, 10:57 pm

ImAnAspie wrote:
Who_Am_I wrote:
Quote:
Aware of boring people?


Of course I'm aware of boring people; they're everywhere.


Boom tish!

Sorry, my mistake. I forgot to cater for e v e r y o n e:

For those who couldn't work it out ( :roll: )

Aware of ... "the fact that you may be" ... boring people!

A heading is a heading. It doesn?t need to be a sentence. It?s an indication of the subject matter to follow.


So I see you don't understand jokes...


_________________
Music Theory 101: Cadences.
Authentic cadence: V-I
Plagal cadence: IV-I
Deceptive cadence: V- ANYTHING BUT I ! !! !
Beethoven cadence: V-I-V-I-V-V-V-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I
-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I! I! I! I I I