A Question on observations

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I was at a movie theater over the weekend and a person whom seamed effeminate (possibly gay?) sat down in three rows front of us.... and the person I was with started to make subtle jokes about him to me along with stereotypical hand motions that would be "common" with those whom are gay being that the theater was dark I doubt he saw or herd some of the jokes (the person whom was next to me was whispering them close to my ear) basically "I said so what?! lets enjoy the movie here". Yesterday I was eating at a restaurant with a family member and two or three tables away from us a guy sat down and a family member got close to me and said he's "mental or not normal" (because he was doing karate moves while waiting for his food). again I shrugged my shoulders as if to say who cares?! and continue to eat my burger.

Now I've seen both the person in the theater and the person at the restaurant their gestures for lack of a better word and to be truthful it really didn't bother me too much to the point where I had to "inform" the person I was with that those people were different but rather shrugged my shoulders and went on with my life. Is that a "normal" reaction for those whom are on the spectrum to basically say who cares how the other person is acting (as long as it's not suspicious) and just continue to go on about your own life?

Should I have played into the person's jokes at the theater or talked about how different the person at the restaurant acted at the restaurant would that be "normal"?



So I must ask am I really that different to the point where my observation of people are different that I don't get into or play into others jokes am I really that different where
9 times outta 10 I just see a person I really don't see anything different unless it's really obvious am I really that different that I go about my life I don't stand or sit around and gawk or stare at the person as most NT's do?!

If I understand correctly, it's not that you didn't observe them, you just didn't feel the need to share these observations with the people you were with and/or to make fun of them. That seems to be typical for those on the spectrum. Non-autistics have the urge to share (everything) with others, we don't.

Yea pretty much...Which made me wonder if I wasn't "normal" because I didn't care enough to partake in their observation(s). Very rarely do I feel the need to comment about others unless it affects me directly....

Perhaps you have experienced enough hurtful comments directed towards you that you don't wish to participate in making hurtful comments to others.

Still do it's kinda funny that the ones whom supposedly "love us the most" are the ones whom make the most hurtful of comments...

I think not caring about stuff like that goes with being on the spectrum. I know I don't care and I don't understand why I should be interested. Probably also you might have taken it personally. I know I would have to a degree, because I know people talk about me....looks weird, moves weird, acts weird, somethings wrong with that kid etc. On one of my teen forums I'm a mod on a sub-forum called Island Of Misfits. Our members include a kid with epilepsy, a blind kid and a kid in a wheelchair. I'm sure they've been talked about too. It's something we all share in common.

I agree. And you are perhaps right that it may not be normal, not sure.

A lot of people will listen to this kind of thing and feel uncomfortable but do nothing.

Think of those experiments where an authority told the study participant to punish a victim with enough electricity to kill and they protested but pushed the button. It was fake and no one died. Tells you something about human beings. We often know what's right but won't necessarily do the right thing against others or against an authority.

Just saying that the behavior of making fun of someone for their presumed gayness isn't necessarily something that's right or should be participated in.

I'm feeling that the reactions of your companions seem very immature, and that to observe and notice a person who is "different" but keep it to yourself and not make a big deal about it is simply a sign of maturity, whatever age you are.

Silly people make a big deal out of someone they think is a little odd or unusual. More serious, mature people with more important things to care about aren't interested in these shallow judgement calls on others.


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I am glad you did not partake in your friend's reactions. I think your friend just does not understand these types of things and is immature as well.

I saw a visibly disabled person doing some very interesting moves while I was at the park the other day. I was curious about whether he was stimming or whether he was hallucinating or simply playing an imaginary game but my curiosity was just that, curiosity as to what the movements were doing for him. There was no criticalness nor was there any mocking in my thoughts towards him. I did not have a chance to get to talk to him but I was hoping to understand how those movements were helping him, if they were soothing or just fun for him. I wonder every now and then what other people think of me when I am rocking or stimming. But when I am actually doing it, I usually don't care what they think.

As far as you not noticing, I think that you were just focusing on wanting to see the movie and on eating your meal so you could not have cared less what the person in the other row was doing. And shrugging your shoulders is a great response I think because it shows that you are mature enough to not be bothered when someone else is doing something like that.

Last edited by skibum on 23 Jun 2014, 6:42 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I agree with others in that it's just immature, but I disagree that the 'not-caring' response is unique to or natural of the spectrum.

The "who cares" response can also be the response of a person, who has come so far as to realize, that details/unusual traits in other peoples behavior is unimportant and shouldn´t take up too much energy.
No, you did right by not encouraging further discussion of the matter.