How do you "let go"? I need help here.

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I was told yesterday that "I like to walk in my disability" and that I mention it more than anyone else whom this person knows who has a disability. This person also told me that if I choose to dwell there that I would suffer constantly and that I should let it go and be freed from it because God wants me to be free from my disability. He also said that he had had many fractures before including very serious ones and those fractures had made him "disabled" but he was able to be freed from that and now no one could ever tell.

Now I am a little confused about what to do with this. I do talk about my Asperger's a lot and I do talk about it in terms of it being a disability at times. And since a lot of the symptoms and traits cause me impairment, it can seem as if I talk about the disabling parts of it. But I don't talk that way to everyone. I talk about it at length regularly to a couple of people and I talk about it a lot here. I have mentioned to other people that I have Asperger's and I will explain things to them if they want to know but I don't go on and on about it except to two people in my life and one is my husband and the other is my brother. If I do or say something weird in front of people who know me, I will say, "that's an Aspie thing" and usually that is the extent of it.

Now this person in particular, I have spoken to at length about it because he runs a program for disabled people that I signed up to participate in as a disabled person. When I signed up for the program, my intent was to be a student. But because I am so high functioning they thought I was trying to be a volunteer. So they set me up for that. So I spent a lot of time explaining to this person about my Asperger's and my specific issues that would challenge me in that particular setting. I also told two other people who were leaders in the program, one of them was the one who was coordinating a technical part of the program and needed to know what my needs were and the other person was the person who first signed me up. That person went and told other leaders in the program that I was Aspie. I did not mind that but that person is the one who told the other leaders, not me.

Then as I was in the waiting area, I had one conversation with a mom of another Spectrum kid and I mentioned to her that I was Aspie. She was pretty insensitive to me about it but I did not really make anything of it. After that I have specifically avoided conversations with any of these people.

Well yesterday we had a class and after the class I told the director about some of the issues I was having that were challenging for me and that would prevent me from doing the job and these issues were all because of my Asperger's disability. And I also briefly mentioned the one conversation I had had with the parent. Basically my inability to do the volunteer work was because of sensory and precessing issues. When I said this to him, he responded by what I said in my first paragraph of this post.

So my questions are, do you guys think that I like to "Walk in my disability and dwell in it?" And secondly, how do I just "Let it go and be free from it?"

I have also been told that I use Asperger's and "Pain", first it was just "Pain" and now it's "Asperger's and pain" as excuses of why I can't do things. But I don't really understand what I am supposed tell people. The conversation would go something like this, "Why can't you be in this room with us?" and I might say, "I can't tolerate the music." Then they would say, "Why not?" So what am I supposed to say then if I can't say, "Because it hurts me." or "Because I have Asperger's and I can't take the sensory overload." What am I supposed to say or do then if I can't say those things? Before I knew I had Asperger's I just said it hurt me.

But I responded to this person in the program and told him that I just very recently found out I have Asperger's and so I don't really know when I can talk about freely or not so please forgive me if I talked about it too much to him. And I told him that I am just learning how to live with it and be around other people with it and how not to hide and mask everything like I had to do before I knew. And since I was never completely socially integrated or accepted I don't really know how to do this. I also said that I can relate to him having had serious fractures because I also had a serious muscle issue that took me three years to work through but I healed from that physically and so I was able to "let that go" and "be free" from that. But a mental thing is different. If people have known that they are on the Spectrum all their lives, then they are more used to it and perhaps more able to "Let it go" and "Be free" from the "disability." And I told him this as well. But for someone who just found out, I think you have to be able to come to terms with it first and then learn how to live with it with and be with others in a way that you did not know how to do before before you can learn to "let it go" and "be free" from it. I was hoping that a program specifically designed for disabled people would help me with that but I think they just expect me to be able to do it myself. I don't know. Has anyone of you guys learned to "let it go" and "be free" from the disability of being on the Spectrum? Has anyone of you guys managed to not let your symptoms or traits not impair your life? Has anyone of you guys just been able to "rise above it?" and live in a way that no one would ever notice if you did not tell them?

I often passed for an NT unless people got to know me pretty well. Then they would always see my quirks and even though they might not know enough about the Spectrum to be able to identify that, they always told me that they thought I was odd or different after I told them. And people who knew me really well often criticized me or reprimanded me for Spectrum related stuff. So I did spend my life managing to get by not knowing that I was disabled but I was never "Normal" or "free" from the issues I struggle with. And I don't know how to "let go" of sensory overload issues. Do any of you?

But do you guys think I can just do that or does this person not really understand what we are dealing with here? I am really curious because if this person is right in what he is saying to me than I should try to do that. Do you guys think I like to walk in my disability and dwell in it? Maybe I do. I don't know.

I don't think that you "walk" in your disability at all---honestly. I believe you try to adjust to life with it. You don't escape from your responsibilities because of it. You and your husband have a good understanding borne out of love. I'm glad you have a partner like that.

I might be irritated, say, if you say I shouldn't dribble a basketball in a backyard near you, not knowing of your Asperger's, or of Asperger's in general. I would think that I have a right to dribble a basketball in my own backyard. However, should you explain yourself like you explain yourself here, I would, at least, try to be more sensitive to how you feel, and try to make accommodations for you. That would be neighborly of me.

I am fortunate that I understand sensory issues somewhat, as I have some to a mild degree.

Obviously, since you are in an ASD forum, you SHOULD talk about your ASD; otherwise, you'd be defeating your purpose for being here.

I feel bad that you had a traumatizing day recently.

I wish you could move out to the country so you could buy a horse and take care of him/her. I think you would have thrived in 19th-century America.

Are you doing anything special for Memorial Day?

Thanks Kraftie, Thank you for your response and encouragement to my OP. We are not sure what we are dong this weekend. Husband is off Monday rather than today. There is a kayak tour tonight so I will probably go. We are trying to see what we would like to do Monday. Maybe some projects that need attending with the car and house and maybe some disc golf or biking after that would be nice. Are you doing anything special?

I don't want to hijack my own thread so we'll make sure to get back to topic quickly. Thanks for asking though.

I was in my doctor's office yesterday and the music in the waiting room was so loud that it was hurting me. I didn't say anything though. It's not worth it - I just absorb the pain and add it to my trove.
Sounds like the people in this disibillity support program aren't that supportive. This bit about God wanting you to get over it is a bit presumptuous. How does this guy know what God wants?
I'm not sure how one's lets go of autism, but I suggest letting go of this group.

I hope, some day, that you'll be able to move to a rural place.

Sometimes, I find that there are some people who do not make progress because they feel having a disorder dooms them--not realizing that, within a vast majority of disorders, improvement is possible.

I know, in my life, that I had to be kicked in the butt at times. I'm rather apathetic by nature. I've never really had ambition. I am frequently content to just loll around watching TV.

However, a snobby-condescending remark by a co-worker provided me with the impetus, at age 36, to pursue a college education. My main motivation was to acquire knowledge; however, the desire to prove this co-worker wrong entered into the equation as well.

Despite my apathetic nature, I managed to graduate Magna cum laude with a 3.8 GPA.

Because of my apathetic nature, I've only had one part-time stint in a job helping disabled people function in the outer society. I didn't succeed primarily because my client didn't want to succeed; however, I realized that the onus was on ME to provide my client with incentive. I didn't do that, so I failed.

I've been fortunate in keeping a clerical civil service job for 33 years, despite my apathetic nature.

I understand apathy; that's why I'm so irritated by it. That's why I want to fight it with all my might.

It takes perception to know whether somebody really 'walks" in his/her disability. I've made mistakes in perception; I'm more careful about judging people now.

Only you can decide what your potential is and only you can go after it; its not an accommodating world and all you can really rely on is knowing your capabilities. Idk what this chap really meant to say to you, it could have been a 'motivational' speech he gives as standard to people that can pass as NT.

In light of what you guys are saying and from what of know of this guy, it probably was motivational. It's funny though because I am not the kind of person who needs that kind of motivational talk at all. Kraftie, that is so inspiring how you got through school as well as you did and how you have been able to keep your job.

I have had many challenges with school even though I have always been on honor roll and dean's list. I even have my name in that Academic Society honor key list book. But I was not able to finish college because of sensory issues and then I had trouble keeping jobs but I never gave up and I have always tried, tried and tried again. I have never let any of my issues stop me from going as far as I could go in whatever I tried. I might not have gotten as far as other people could have in many of my tries but in one venture, I far surpassed my peers in record time. In a matter of about 5 years I was able to put together my own technical swim program and had decent success pulling in about $400.00 to $600.00 a week. But after awhile I had to stop because of politics. It became increasingly difficult to be a private contractor because of insurances and getting pool space and travel expenses were a lot once we moved out of the immediate area that I was working and where we moved to I was not able to get a pool to contract out. I also sang semi professionally for eight years but it is very difficult to eek out a living doing that. So I have never let my "disability" hold me back as far as I can take myself. But it has held me back for reasons that I can't change or control.

And now that I know I am on the Spectrum, I came to this group hoping to get help so that I could learn things that might help me with the parts I can't control or change. So for him to just say that I need to "let it go" and "be free" from it and stop walking or dwelling in my disability is very discouraging. I might definitely consider stopping this group like Ann2011 suggested.

The guy obviously didn't know you or the nature of ASDs. Forget about him; don't let him influence your world-view.

You could sing, too? Man-o-man!

You can let it to and be free with enough to us and effort in particular ways, but something else will be difficult because there are things that are harder. So I think if you want one thing, you might be able to make it happen, at a cost. Whether the price is worth it is the question.

I don't usually do well with people that need to be impatient with me.

To me, dwelling on autism and disability is like if I use autism to eggsplain to others too many of the things that I do, like if I tell others often that some small thing that I did and they probably didn't even notice as something weird was caused by autism, or if I tell others that I absolutely can't do something because of "my autism" and "my disability", then they will probably think that I am dwelling.

I don't know eggsacly what the person means by "let go" and "be free", but I have my own approach which is not bringing up autism as the eggsplanation for what I do, while still doing a lot of things in an autistic way, like I might remember all the numbers from some eggsperiments, but I wouldn't tell others that this is caused by autism or my autistic brain, I would just engage in this behavior as my normal behavior and let it be, and others can comment on it if they want to, and I don't mind if they do, but it is not necessary for it to be mentioned or discussed. Or if I am behaving a certain way socially, I don't say that it is caused by autism, I just behave that way because that is how I am.

Also, I never say that I absolutely can't do something because of autism or disability. Of course, I don't want to do certain things that cause sensory overload, but sometimes I need to do them, so I go ahead and do them, knowing that there will be sensory overload and pain, but those are stressors of daily life that I have to deal with if I am to do what I want to do in life, so I do them as long as they are not too frequent, like I don't have to attend an hour meeting eberryday or present my poster for four hours eberry week. I try to keep a balance of protecting myself from sensory overload and still doing the things that I want or need to do.

Don't let others influence your thoughts, do what you want, dwell on autism, talk about it, be firm on what you say because only you know what's really going on. Only you know if your lying to yourself or exaggerating. The more you talk the more people will understand. Just don't follow their lame advice like "Let go" "be free". Tell that guy pain is all relative and his pain doesn't make yours any less.

' let it goooo, let it goooo, cant hold it back anymooore, let it gooo, let it gooo, the perfect giirll is gooone, here i stannnd and here i staaay, let the storm rage oooon, the cold never bothered me anyways'

in all seriousness though, after a while, i had to admit that i am in a NT world, and i have to adapt. Not everything is possible, and i will never be an NT, but i learned that i can adapt in my own way, and learn how to cope in a NT world as a person with ASD. i let go of the disability label and listened to myself as an individual with struggles.