Aspies and Driving

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I'm 22 years old (going to turn 23 in July), and not only do I not have a driver's license, I do not even know how to drive. I quit Driver's Ed when I was seventeen because I had a humiliating experience.

It would be nice if I lived in a city that had adequate public transportation, but that's not the case. I live in a city that is sprawling, not pedestrian-friendly, and has a very small, developing downtown area, so driving here is not an option, it is pretty much a necessity.

I plan to take Adult Driver's Ed this summer and I hope to at least have my license by the time school starts up again in August. Even if I don't yet have a car by then, I at least want to be able to drive. I find it humiliating, not to mention inconvenient, not knowing how to drive.

I need to get over the anxiety I have over driving. I had an acquaintance (who was about twenty years old) who was recently killed in a car accident. All the traffic scares me. I'm afraid of driving fast on the roads, and especially on the interstate highways.

So, I could pay $80 for one class, and an additional $90 for an optional driving lesson with an instructor, both of which I plan to take. For all you drivers out there, do you have to deal with anxiety when you're driving? Or am I just worrying too much?

i'm only anxious when i have to drive somewhere i'm not faniliar with. i wasn't a good driver for the first half dozen years of driving. i still have trouble parking.

Don't feel bad.

I'm 32 and don't drive. While I'm competent enough to operate a motor vehicle, I freeze up and become irrational around residential areas, especially during the day. This makes owning a vehicle pretty pointless.

I attribute this to being traumatised by a road traffic accident when I was 6 years old. Luckily I myself wasn't injured, but I remember quite intimately the gory vision of a little girl who had been scalped by road burn. I was morbidly fascinated by the lack of blood and the exposed skull at the time, it was only later at the age of 17 (when I started driving lessons) when I was struck by the impact this unpleasant event.

Even if you're the safest and most considerate driver ever, there's still a chance some idiot kid will find a way to bounce of your bonnet and die. Not acceptable.

EDIT: bonnet = hood

I deal with driving anxiety a lot. I started drivers Ed the day I turned 16 because I was so excited to finally learn how to drive. I soon learned that I hated driving. It's scary. I hate having to go fast or change lanes. My mom made me finish drivers Ed and get my license last year right before I turned 18. I still really dislike driving and I don't know if I will ever feel really comfortable with it. I can never get myself to drive over the speed limit which makes drivers behind me annoyed, so I end up being even more nervous. My mom says that she wants to get me a bumper sticker that says "I drive the speed limit." She saw one on a commercial van once. She never got it though.

what got me over my anxiety while driving was driving empty back roads for hours, the more time you spend behind the wheel the better you will get

I have to agree with chris5000. The more you do it, the more you get better and more confidant you will become. I learned to drive when I was 13 and I drove mostly on dirt road in the rural areas of Idaho.

The hardest part of learning to drive, for me, was getting past the anxiety enough to get my drivers' license. The. Hardest. Part. I was terrified of failing the test over and over and over. I was terrified I wouldn't be able to control the car. I was, above all, terrified that I'd cause an accident and be responsible for someone's death.

Getting past that last one was the hardest part. By a lot. I still have days-- precious few, but days-- when that fear makes it difficult for me to make myself get in the car.

I started being terrified when I was about 14. By the time all my classmates were getting licenses, the mere thought of learning to drive made me see spots (literally) and go mute. I got a 90-day permit and tried to learn when I was 17, but my sainted father was much too eager that I learn to drive, and become an excellent driver, in a tearing hurry. I couldn't even handle driving on country back roads with him...

...so his mother taught me to drive. Sort of. I was still too terrified of having to sit in an actual car with an actual police officer and actually drive, and I let the permit expire without taking the driving test.

So I went to college. I HATED being stuck in Morgantown (town of about 40K, with a student population of another 40K-- way too big for this hick). The only thing I hated more than Morgantown was the dormitory...

...and I realized that I had a choice: I could either swallow my fear, learn to drive all over again, and pass that damn test, or I could spend the rest of my life trapped in downtown housing in a place like Morgantown.

I finally had something I was more scared of than the car. More scared of than the cops. So I got another 90-day permit and learned to drive. Learned to parallel park. Took the test. Got my license.

If you have anything vaguely approximating normal reaction time, steering is EASY. Don't worry too much about that.

The hardest parts of common driving are controlling the speed and being aware of everything that is going on around you.

The trick to controlling speed is not to get in a hurry. Yes, you can annoy other drivers by going too slowly-- so stick a sign on the back bumper that says "Student Driver," and pull over a lot to let people past you. Yes, you can get pulled over for driving too slowly-- tell the officer that you are still learning to drive and want to be careful, or that you're unfamiliar with the area and need to go slowly. Most of them will be grateful for your caution.

You will get better at it as time goes on-- I almost always drive the speed limit now, unless I'm stuck on the Interstate and the speed of traffic is 5 or 10 miles faster. I can deal with that if the weather is good; more than that I WILL NOT DO.

Being aware of everything around you is, I think, probably the hardest part for us non-multitaskers. This is what I do: I use my rearview mirror if my kids are acting up, or if I'm backing up, or if I'm leading someone someplace. The rest of the time, I don't worry about what's behind me. I use my rearview mirror, my side view mirrors, a quick glance over my shoulder, and a quick glance out the window in the direction I am merging when changing lanes (which I don't do unless I need to, and you shouldn't either-- weaving in and out of traffic is difficult and dangerous, and won't get you there any faster). I try to be aware of what is going on on the on ramps if I'm driving on the Interstate-- you are supposed to either slow down or merge left so drivers merging onto the highway have enough room to get up to highway speed.

Other than that, I worry about what is in front of me. Most problems are going to come from the direction the vehicle is heading: sudden stops, people cutting you off, animals crossing the roadway, impulsively darting children, morons who ignore stop signs.

Does this system work?? Well, I've been driving for seventeen years now. I've logged between 300 and 400 thousand miles. I've been across the country from north to south and east to west. I've undertaken more 1000+ mile drives than I care to count. I've driven on country roads, in small towns, in unfamiliar suburbs, in Pittsburgh and Atlanta and Miami and St. Louis, even in New York City (something I hope never to do again). I've pulled a trailer and driven a ginormous U-Haul truck.

I've been involved in three accidents. Only one of them was my fault-- and it happened when I was still learning to drive; if I hadn't been so afraid of messing up, I would have seen that very poorly placed stop sign. No one died.

Once we were hit from behind by a guy who swore up and down that he was rushing a heart attack victim to the hospital-- no one died; the only injury was some claw marks on my face and chest from a very agitated kitten (note: pets really should travel in carriers). And once some jerk in a sports car backed into us in a parking lot. He was really unpleasant until DH told him he could go ahead and call the cops if he wanted to, because we had the right-of-way and we'd be GLAD to have a new door put on the car at his insurance company's expense.

Other roadside disasters:

I've run out of gas twice (both times in unfamiliar vehicles with defective gauges). I've had four alternators, one fuel pump, and one water pump quit on me. I've had two radiators fail, had a timing chain snap, and had one total engine failure. I've changed about a dozen tires, jumped a battery at least that many times, and replaced the battery twice. The last time the alternator quit, I didn't even stress out. I just changed plans and coasted it into the mechanic's yard (country shop)!

Long story short, the fear is the hardest part. If you have anything like normal visual processing speed, you can probably do this, and it's probably not nearly as bad as you think.

I personally enjoy driving. It's one of the few elements of my life that I feel like I have true control over. To me it is like a complex math equation involving speed and timing to pass other cars (thank god it's acceptable to use the horn in Mass), angles involved in parking, etc. However, I tend to get very angry with people that don't obey the rules of the road, who drive too slow, and I suck when I get stuck in traffic, because that's when I start to zone out and I've gotten close to rear-ending people way to often.

Having been to Arlington myself, I did find driving intimidating after seeing that traffic. I did get my license late too.

I learned to drive on gravel and unpopular side roads when I was 17. The first time I drove on a major road I almost hit a Jeep while trying not to hit a man with a cart full of pop cans. There were many times (and still sometimes are times) that I just got too nervous and made too many mistakes and had to take a break. It would make me feel out of control and almost sick to continue. But it got easier, especially when I just stuck to familiar roads. I still get confused about left and right and north/east/south/west, though. Other drivers tend to frustrate me, too, and I'm glad I don't live in a more popular city.

The only thing that still makes me nervous is the interstate. The last time I drove on the interstate, it started raining really hard and I couldn't find an exit and my car roof was leaking. When I got to a gas station I was shaking, and I've avoided going by myself ever since. I do love to go along when others drive. lol

You're definitely just worrying too much.

My twin brother is extremely anxious about driving & has never had a drivers licence because of it. He had a learners a couple times, but didn't like driving. Can't handle the thought of the possibility of hitting and killing someone. Meanwhile he'll ride as a passenger where he has no direct control over the vehicle. I'd think someone would want to be behind the wheel so they could know for sure that the vehicle would be operated in a safe way.

Myself, I like driving and it sucked when I had to go a few years without a car & a year of that without a drivers licence. I've been back on the road for several months and am enjoying the convenience of it. For how much more I can get done in a day w/o having to take transit and do a lot of walking I don't know how I managed to get through those few years without!

PS: How to drive: Point & go.

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No for supporting trump. Because doing so is deplorable.

Thanks for the advice, everybody!

I'd hate to sound selfish, but my biggest fear is not hitting and killing someone (though that is a very scary prospect), it's either looking like an idiot on the road, losing control of my vehicle (the idea of driving 40+ mph on city roads terrifies me), or killing myself.

Up until now, I've mostly relied on cab services and sometimes rides from other people. I feel like a nuisance calling people up for rides, and I hate relying on cabs because they're often unpredictable.

Also, it might be important to mention that I will be living in a university dorm next school year, so I might be able to get away with not having a car if my roommate does, though I won't use that as an excuse to not try to get one.

I'm taking driving lessons, and hope to pass for the test in a month. I've grown somewhat comfortable behind the wheel now, but I started out really anxious. Initially I had trouble with speed, because I was really fearful I'd hit someone; which is a fear I don't think will ever leave, but at least my speed isn't annoying drivers anymore! The more you drive, the easier it gets.