Can parent get guardianship behind child's back?

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My mom tells me I have Borderline Personality Disorder. She claims my psychiatrist diagnosed me but I do not remember ANYTHING about him discussing it with me. If I was diagnosed with that, it was behind my back. My mom once told me that people with conditions like Borderline Personality Disorder probably shouldn't be told of their diagnosis. My mom has always been HELL BENT on getting guardianship of me ever since I turned 21. She says she regrets not getting it when she legally had the chance when I was a child or when she FORCED me to get SSI. I had learned from that experience not to be so quick to bow down to my mom when she asks for things like this from me. She said I never "respected" her, but she's she done lost any respect or trust I ever had for her ever since she lied to me at a neurologist appointment when she told me they had told her I was "scaring" them with my behavior. All I was doing was arguing with my mom. An argument SHE had started. When I asked the neurologist if she had said that she said no and when I called my mom out on her lie, she admitted to lying but said she had every right in the world too. Right then and there is when I lost any trust I ever had for my mom.

Apparently now that I'm an adult she can't get it without my permission because she kept asking me to say yes to it. Looking back in hindsight, my mom pestering me for permission to get guardianship of me reminds me of this account of one of my mom's friends who had a friend who claimed to have space aliens come into her house and ask for her permission to abduct her. She naturally said no and they went away. The aliens took "No you cannot abduct me!" a lot better than my mom took, "No, you can't have guardianship of me!" But seeing how my mom can apparently have me diagnosed with BPD behind my back, I wonder now if she can get guardianship of me behind my back too.

First of all, welcome to WP.

About your question. I don't know how these things actually work legally but I assume that unless you are declared mentally incompetent and unable to make decisions for yourself, than I don't think she can get guardianship without your consent if you are of legal age.

she can kind of but you will be informed when you get the court date and unless your are very impaired I dont think she would win in court

Hi, Welcome to Wrong Planet!  :D

Even if your mom were the most reasonable and honest person in the world (and she clearly isn't!), but even if she were, you still have the right to make your own decisions regarding your own life.

Okay, honest to gosh as a backup, you want to start thinking about getting a lawyer.  Just in case you need him or her, just to have a lawyer in reserve.  As one possibility, ASAN might have a chapter in your state and outside chance might be able to recommend a lawyer familiar with issues pertaining to persons on the Asperger's-Autism Spectrum.  Disclosure: I'm a member of ASAN and kind of a leader in reserve for part of Houston, although we're not active currently.
http://autisticadvocacy.org/chapters/
(might be able to help, but please try not to be against them if they can't)

With SSI, do you know if you can you work seasonal, like for example for H&R Block during the early part of tax season and remain eligible as long as you make less than a certain amount?  Or, perhaps school towards a good job?  but please be advised it's currently a difficult economy even still and more of a numbers game than usual.

And please keep using us here at WrongPlanet as a resource as much or as little as you wish!

As for the BPD, you have the right to access your medical records. Call the psychiatrist's office and ask them to mail them to you. You can probably even get the psychiatrist on the phone to tell you if you have the diagnosis. Having all of your medical paperwork handy will also help in the case that your mom does take you to court to get guardianship.

Has she told you why she wants the guardianship?

Technically, yeah, but only if you can't take care of yourself.

I think your mom is being either overbearing or outright abusive--she probably wouldn't be the right person to be your guardian if you needed one. Lying to you "for your own good"? Really, that's wrong of her. She reminds me of my mom... suffice it to say, I have nightmares most nights about her forcing me to move back in with her.

By the way, people with borderline personality disorder absolutely should be told about their diagnosis, and have it explained what BPD is and how it affects them. If you do have BPD--ask your therapist; your mom has a history of lying and you really can't trust her--then you should learn about it, and about your particular case, in the process of going through therapy for it. The more you know about yourself, the better. In fact, one of the difficulties that BPD poses is poor self-awareness--in other words, the more you know about yourself, the easier it gets to deal with BPD. I don't know if you actually have BPD--your mom claims you do, but you have reason to doubt her claims. Whether you do or don't, you ought to know one way or the other so you can properly work on the problem, whatever it happens to be.

You sound like you are trying to create healthy boundaries between you and your mother. You are grown, and your mother should not be running your life. That you refuse to let her says to me that you want to be independent and are willing to take responsibility for your own life. Even if you were living with your mother, she would still have to respect you as an adult.

If you are worried about becoming incapacitated, have you considered getting an advance directive or living will or similar document written up? That lets you designate someone who can make medical decisions for you--someone other than your mom, perhaps a relative or spouse. And it would let you say, "I do not want my mother to have guardianship. Instead, I want Person X to make decisions for me." Do make sure you can trust this person. A relative is probably best; a longtime friend will do if you can't trust your family. I don't know all the details, but a lawyer would.

Do you need someone to have guardianship? or is this just something your mother wants to do? Is she having difficulty letting go, and exaggerating your disability as a way of trying to keep you under her control? Or is she paranoid about your not being able to take care of yourself, and being overprotective?

If you do need help of the nature that a guardian would provide, that doesn't necessarily mean you need to have someone actually have guardianship. If you can hire an aide to do things for you when you can't--say, for example, you can't handle your own bills, so an aide could handle them--then you don't need a guardian even though you cannot do some things for yourself. The critical question for guardianship isn't whether you can do things or not--it's whether you can make your own major decisions, including knowing how to find help when you can't do something. If you can make your own decisions, then your mother doesn't have a case, nor should she try to butt in. Some parents find it very hard to let go of grown children, and when the child has a disability, the parents may become even more overprotective.

+1

Guardianship (at least in the USA) requires a court hearing, and the person in question MUST be present unless they are otherwise already institutionalized. It can't be done behind your back if you are able and willing to attend the hearing. The worst that could happen is someone drugging you so you come across as incompetent when you appear in court, but that's really being paranoid.