Why do people say thanks or talk because of random deeds ?

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Yeah i just want to know if anyone else has run into this, i guess problem or whatever you wanna call it.

I often find it quite annoying. I dont really like to suddenly get approached by people or suddenly get thanked for stuff.

Just the other day i was out shopping, there was a hope mess of some kind of cards at the clerk on the floor where the customer pay, so while standing line, having nothing better to do. i just picked them up and put them into their box , and then back on the counter. Now i didn do this to get thanked or anything, i just kinda do stuff like that without much thought, like if it was stuff lying on my floor at home. But why do people say thanks. ?.

It was the same some time ago when i went shopping again, there are those news paper stands with free news papers, if you know of those, It had been wet and windy so those were blowing all over the place. so i was running around getting some excercise picking them up. Suddenly some older guy almost gave my a heart attack standing behind me, commentating on how nice it was that someone is keeping the city nice and clean.

I just feel like people doing that, discourages myself from doing stuff like that, because i really dont want the attention, but it seems whenever you do things out of the ordinary it attacts attention. Its kinda discourages me and makes me think about, that i should just keep a low profile and let stuff be where it is.

Guess it might be kinda random. just thought i would put it out there, and see what people thinks and if others have run into this, and what you say or do if people suddenly come up to you and want to talk and comment on what you are doing.

Thanks.

The reason people say thanks or compliment you is because those kinds of things are very nice and thoughtful and helpful things and people really do genuinely appreciate that you would do something like that. So they express their gratitude. That expression of gratitude is very appropriate and you should not be discouraged by it. If you feel discouraged about it that stems from an insecurity inside of you and I completely understand that because I have felt that way myself sometimes. But it is very appropriate and very nice for them to respond that way.

Yeah I feel kind of the same way. I know people are just trying to be nice but it really makes me not want to do those kinds of things because I don't want to draw attention to myself. And sometimes it feels like people make a big deal over things that to me are really ordinary.

I feel the same way about getting compliments from random people, although it is nice thing to do, it would mean a lot more to me coming from someone who knows me. I'm not going around expecting to be complimented on how I look, I'm just being me.



I hate when people do that, suddenly start talking to me when I don't even know they are there.

It's random and my brain classifies it as useless, so it annoys me.

I feel the same way at times, and I certainly do not like being startled. But overall, I staunchly defend other people's right to also do as they please (just like me) as long as no harm is done to anyone.

It's natural to want to express your appreciation for good deeds. It provides incentive for another person to continue to perform these deeds.

They are just expressing gratitude because you did something that was helpful, intentionally or not. I also thank people when they do something nice.

I'd rather that people do thank me for doing a random deed, because it makes me feel that I've done something nice to help them out. I like being the nice guy.

I tend to feel really embarrassed when anyone notices me when I'm just off in my own world doing something helpful. Over the years, I've learned not to hate being acknowledged for things, but I don't know if I'll ever really like it. A better, yet uncommon thing I've seen a few people do is join in on helping out (like, if I was picking up litter on the sidewalk) rather than say anything to me about it. I loved those people.

yes its just people showing they respect what someone did for them/someone else.

perhaps OP,were not brought up with enough compliments being said?
that was the case in own situation and its only in the past year or so have gotten used to people saying thanks,before it felt like was being insulted almost.

YES. I don't like these "thank-yous" or compliments. They are unnecessary; I do things because I consider them to be the right thing to do, not because I need or want acknowledgment. Once or twice, I've even decided to not help people just to avoid being deluged with effusive displays of gratitude, because gratitude is only one half of it; there's an expected social ritual wherein the deed-doer must acknowledge and respond to the gratitude. The thanker ropes the thanked into this interaction without the consent of the thanked; depending on the circumstances, it's mildly socially coercive, like so many social rituals are. I just wanted to do the deed and get away, not spend my time on an unsolicited social exchange and bother with saying "you're welcome;" talking in general tires me out. I often just mutter, "sure," or "mm-mmm," and walk off.

Another aspect that irks me is that the acknowledgment reinforces the idea that the good deed is something special. What I want is for everyone to do the same sorts of things, for the good deeds to become common behavior, so common that no one would ever even consider bothering with gratitude. Such deeds would be expected, like everyone expects a newcomer to go to the end when joining a line (that's a queue in the UK) rather than stepping in front of everyone else who is waiting. If society operated that way, it would provide the further benefit of rooting out the people who exploit others' gratitude, doing good deeds mainly to garner attention for themselves.

I can only guess why things are this way; maybe people are self-centered sharks and need constant reinforcement to behave in ways that benefit others, or maybe the more emotionally-oriented people in society just assume that everyone needs the same coddling they need to do good, or the more socially-oriented people assume that everyone needs acknowledgment, and they are therefore the ones to perpetuate this unnecessary custom.

Yep, me too. It makes me feel like I'm getting trapped into a conversation I don't want to have. Sometimes those people start talking a lot and it is hard to get away from them.



Exactly. I wish it was just ordinary enough for people to do nice things so no one would make a big deal out of it.

At the same time I admit I am cynical enough of people, when a person says something nice to me I start wondering what they might want.

People say thanks because it's the polite thing to do. If I do something like mentioned above, I certainly wouldn't mind being thanked for it. It's not annoying to me.

Just pause a moment and reflect on what would happen if you got your wish and all NTs stopped showing the social norms of good manners because you 'don't like the attention'.

Society would fall apart pretty quickly.

We expect folk to tolerate a lot of stuff that we do that is really quite disruptive. So moaning about the really non-disruptive, kindly motivated stuff that NTs do seems to me to be spectacularly unwise, both from the stand point of ethics, and practical outcomes.

That is ridiculous. Society would not "fall apart" just because people stop saying "thank you."

Also, there is just one custom under discussion here, hardly a significant portion of "the social norms of good manners."

As a child, my parents ?pounded? into me the need to have good manners. As such, I was taught to always say ?please? and ?thank you?. It?s automatic. I don?t even think about it.

Interestingly, I also say ?bless you? whenever I hear someone sneeze. Even if I don?t know them.