Can an Aspie become socially popular?

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I know a boy who seemed typically Aspie all through childhood, I won't list all the details but his mum did worry about him and went to see if she could get him diagnosed with an ASD but for some reason they didn't get him a diagnosis. It wasn't his upbringing because he had an older sister (2 years older) who was like a typical NT, and his mum and dad were really nice (I went round there a lot when I was a child).

I have him on Facebook, and now he seems to have gone from an anxious, unsociable, odd little boy to quite an outgoing, popular young man. At the moment he is in Spain on a vacation with 3 friends (all his age), and he is always doing things and has a very busy social life. I can't seem to gain all that, even my Aspie friend has ditched me for a boyfriend, and I try to make friends but just can't.

Is it luck? Or a fluke? Could he have grown out of his very likely Aspieness, or is it possible for an Aspie to somehow be able to make friends that close and keep those friendships close enough to be able to go out and do things with them? All I can do is get acquainted to people, and I can't seem to go further than that, and I only have mild Asperger's too - and I'm female.

One of my aspie friends has tons and tons of friends and I sometimes envy him. But he tells me they all could still tell he is off. Also he uses beer to cope and it helps him better in social situations. He has overcame a lot to a point where his symptoms don't impair him.

I know a guy who is stereotypically as Aspie as it gets and he seems to have no shortage of friends, particularly of the female variety. Maybe it's just my perception but it seems he is doing much better than I was at his age.

Where did the autistic adults go? They're just as common as the autistic children, but we see a significant drop in their public visibility as they get older. This, I take it, is a sign that at the very least, with experience, a person with autism will become so close enough to "normal" that nobody takes it as anything but being eccentric.

You never "Grow out of" autism. You learn to cope with it and use it to your advantage. It's most visible when its disadvantages have not yet been ironed out of a person, and least visible when that person has mastered the art of faking relative normality.

Ah, and depending on which crowd you're in, the opposite sex might just find that inherent social ineptitude "cute", so... There's that.



Personally, I get around it by being arrogant, knowledgeable, and kind at the same time, so people are too busy wrapping their heads around that to notice the other quirks. When they do notice, they no longer care.

Like NTs there are a range of personalities for Aspergers so all things are possible. One of the key things is it not that Aspie's can't be social, it just it's more difficult. If you realise that you do things slightly differently and you have some people to help point things out or you just observe what's going on then you can learn those untaught skills.

I've always thought that it's possible for Aspies to occasionally be better in some social situations. When you now you're bad and have had to learn what to look out for and how to react you might be more aware then people who will just really on instinct.

If they find the right niche, or learn boatloads of socializing skills and pour buckets of effort into it, I'm perfectly certain Aspies can be popular.

The question I can't answer, though, is why an Aspie would WANT to be popular. I mean really want it, for it's own sake, not because it looks great from the road over and you're jealous.

Popular. In the company of large groups of people, most of the time. Frequently looked at. Phone ringing with social calls almost daily. Bleeech!! !

I get where you're coming from, though. More friends will come with time and looking under rocks. As for your Aspie friend-- she hasn't a think against you, most likely. Most likely, she's just perseverating on her boyfriend. It will wear off eventually.

I think it's neither luck or a fluke. You mentioned that he didn't get a diagnosis, so the most logical conclusion is that he didn't get one, because he wasn't autistic. It's far more likely that he was just a very sensitive, introverted NT, who once he got older and found a crowd he fit into was able to feel more comfortable with himself and be more expressive. It happens all the time.

You have raised an interesting point. It has been drilled into us that we are 'socially inept.' But are we really? Certainly there is a great deal of variability, so generalisations are not really applicable here. I think we can agree that we may socially naïve with delays in coping with others. However, as others have noted here, Asperger's changes with adulthood.

Given the right settings, I think an Aspie could be popular. Certainly there are some Aspies who have grating personalities, but then so do plenty of neurotypicals! We do have a moratorium on traits such as honesty, intelligence, forthrightness and integrity. If these are developed, then we could be popular. I think the biggest risk is bullying - once a victim, then it's really hard to ever regain social confidence.

Entirely apart from AS, we are individuals with unique personalities and traits, just like anyone else. Without any pretence, I am a really nice person. I am naturally caring and have often been described as 'sweet' and especially thoughtful. Being extra shy has been really hard for me though. Wrong Planet members are some of the nicest people I have ever encountered - many of you have shown exemplary character. While socialising may not be any Aspies prime directive, of course, we are certainly not asocial (with some exceptions).

I think the lesson for any given neuro/psych professional, teacher, parent, etc. is to remind Aspie children that they can indeed make good and valued friendships. Such a mistake to categorize us as otherwise. Like any attribute, our personalities develop over time too.

Sure. You have to put yourself in a place where people appreciate intelligence and you have shared interests. Some social groups will doubtless make it very difficult for aspies, but you probably don't want to associate with such people, anyway.

Maybe not everyone can do it at all, and not everyone can find a diverse, intellectual, weird group easily. I think a lot of people get burned a few times and start to generalize about society. Negativity can blind people to opportunities, and it makes them less appealing company.

Labpet, I second everything you wrote.

Mostly, I agree with what you said, but I don't know about that one sentence, and I don't think that word means whatever you think it means.

Yep, "propensity for" might be a more useful terminology there?

The book, Raising Cubby, written by John Robison, described how John's son Jack "Cubby" Robison had many friends growing up, and also described that Jack even instinictively responded to facial expressions when he was a baby. Yet he still was diagnoised with Aspergers at age 17 or so. His Aspergers caused him to not be aware that his intense interests in building explosives and publicly showing the results on Youtube could land him into trouble, and he did. He had to go through trial but luckily he was found not guilty. Also while he has many friends, it doesn't mean he understood the basics of social interaction the way NTs do, he became so focused on his experiments that he neglected his friends and also it was said that he accidentally stepped on the foot of a female student and he didn't even notice what he did. Therefore, yes if anything, Aspies are capable of making lots of friends if they have certain qualities that outweigh their social deficits, such as the example of Jack's mental giftedness and his strong knowledge in chemistry.

I know an Aspie guy that is extreamly popular has loads of freinds, has quite close relationships with girls andis super bright, athletic you name it! And where the same age, mean while I'm stuck here maybe I have not tried as much but I envy him I guess end if the day I have done something wrong to be in this spot.

Of course it's possible, because anything is possible.

I have friends. Close friends, very long term friends, work friends, school friends, family friends, relatives, my little guys (God kids, their siblings, my nephew etc.) & I go do things with them. There have been times where my symptoms were strong and I avoided everyone like the plague for a few months at a time, or maybe didn't see certain friends for several weeks or months and would only keep in touch with people via Facebook. Sometimes I'd be very active and out hiking in the mountains during these periods, others I'd be at home anxious and depressed. Anyways, I've still maintained friendships throughout all the ups and downs of life. Presently I have too many friends I'd like to see more often than I do but I've been working long hours for several months now and don't make the time to visit people often as work/finances/growing up have taken priority vs. avoiding people for social anxiety reasons. My pace of work may slow down some with the next job I move onto, which may be as soon as next week, and then I can see people a bit more often as well as go do other things I enjoy. I'm booked to go river rafting with a bunch of high school buddies, their friends, one of my brothers, and my sister's fiancee on Saturday. It's been a long time since I've gotten out to do something fun with these guys, so I'm looking forward to it. I also have a few friends with small businesses that want me to work for them but I only work for them when I'm between jobs/contracts, as I'd rather pursue other things. I also have a few friends that want to go biking/hiking/swimming etc throughout the Summer & snowboarding etc in the Winter, but I'm too busy to take them all up on their invites. I have other friends I'd like it if they were available to "go outside & play," when I'm free but they lead busy lives w/ work/business/family/school etc.

Blah blah blah. Just because someone's an Aspie doesn't mean they aren't capable of having friends. I might not maintain the most perfect balanced relationships, especially when I'm too busy to see people, but I still have plenty of long term friends.

there were high school age kids in the autism school i went to who were diagnosed aspires who were more the social popular type. but still probably considered different, unusual, unique.
there's famous popular eccentric people who are suspected aspies like Andy Warhol.
I've managed to become well liked by my peers and popular on discussion forums. I'm called cool a lot and even won popularity votes.