Seeing my former key worker Sara is awkward!

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I cannot work with Sara any more. She was my key worker, but she went sour once she knew I liked her. That was part of her plan to nip things in the bud, but it still wasn't nice. Part of me likes seeing her around, but I'd want it to be for the right reasons. Now that I know I'm forbidden from working with her, I feel flushed if I even look at her.

It appears I'm banned for life from working with her. She was my key worker for a while, but her bosses think I breached boundaries. Rather than talk to me about it first though, they lied to me in a sense as they preceded over what to do. Over a month later, we still hadn't had shifts together. And it's likely Sara was removed as my key worker long before it was formally announced, but who knows?

This is partly why I cannot be bothered taken my support any more. Sure, I may still work with other support workers as there are a lot of them these days, but I really wanted to be able to still work with her and Joanna, another woman they banned me from working with. I actually suspect Sara told management she was uncomfortable and they granted her wish to take her well away from me, not taken my own personal feelings into consideration. I was just deceived. Well and truly. I've tried talking to this Andrew guy about it, but he fobs me off. He's pretty good at that.

They also turned her work based e-mail address off so I cannot write to her. A nasty message I sent to her prior to some meeting I had just made things look worse, although it's likely she was indeed removed regardless, but my actions just screwed up my chances. I got paranoid, but I think I had a right to be curious or suspicious about what they were up to, although I surely should have kept calm. I've really messed up my chances, but they do make me feel frustrated and I think I should have been giving a fair chance. If I even see police around my flat, I freak out. They often come to arrest a guy named Scott when he misbehaves, but sometimes I feel discomfort and get out of dodge if I notice a police van on my street, as they've come before for me.

Since that time, the seniors had purposefully got the police to stop me seeing Sara at a coffee shop one night, making out they called them in case I harmed myself if she hadn't been there, but it was just a ploy. Two cops showed up at precisely the time I was about to get up from a nap and I got charged for sending an email with abusive content in it that same day. That was in March.

Now when I am at home, I cannot get online. I gave up my Internet contract, but I leeched off their Wi-Fi for a while. Due to technical issues, they changed things about so I don't have the new network password. I may pay BT to get Internet access, but it may work out a small fortune as it's like a hotspot you use.

But if I even think about or look at Sara, I feel horrible. The manager Cathy will never let me work with Sara or Joanna again. I've even had suicidal thoughts at times, as the depression I go through is quite severe and I feel agitated a lot. When I try to hug Sara, she shouts at me in a nasty way and runs off. But I heard Spanish people have temper issues.

Should I quit my support and move on out of there? But I think I'd be lonely tenfold if I did leave that, but my future looks bleak with all the compromising they do.

Correct me if I am wrong but I am assuming you are talking about romantic and sexual feelings for Sara. It is also very possible they are perceiving that you have these type of feelings for Sara even if you do not. I am answering based on those assumptions

It is understandable that clients may developed romantic/sexual feelings for key workers/therapists. You are closely working together and discussing very personal topics, perhaps topics that you have never discussed with anyone else before with this person.

People on the spectrum are often do not understand boundaries. Having a romantic relationship between a key worker and a client is considered a serious breech of boundaries. Although it seems that way this boundary it is not some weird NT thing designed to confuse us. There are good reasons for having a boundary that seriously frowns upon client and key workers having a romantic/sexual relationship. While personal topics are discussed the relationship you had is considered a business relationship. Also if a key worker is working with someone with issues with boundaries she can't help you understand these boundaries if she breaks them herself by having a romantic/sexual relationship with you.

So if I a understanding this correctly this is something they had to do for your benefit.

I am sorry this happened. If it is any consolation you are far from the only person this has happened to.

Good Luck

A more detailed explanation of the issue and the harm it can cause
http://www.kspope.com/sexiss/sexencyc.php

Not sure what to say, but I hope things work out, and if you're feeling suicidal, you should probably call a hotline or get some other kind of help. Good luck.

By the way, I recommend removing their names from this post.

seconding this.
had once wrote on blog the initials of support staff that was being abused by in a intelectual disability institution years ago, was physicaly encouraged into the office where was told to delete the staff initials and put a x or y or z as their name instead because even though random people may not know the person there may be people who know the person come across it-which was actualy what happened in own case, they were trying to argue that was to low functioning to understand the physical,sensory and mental abuse they did every day was just innocent behavior and not at all abuse, felt like punching them but the national autistic society did a big enquiry into it and the lame excuse given for the abuse.

Well, I only just text her calling her 'petal' before Christmas and she wasn't the same towards me after 19 December. I feel like the bosses fobbed me off on purpose, although I guess if she requested not to work with me, they'd remain hush on that in case I got angry. I saw a spiritualist on 29 May and she said they didn't reveal it right away to preserve my feelings, but I still feel like I was deceived. I could tell she was acting odd even before the meeting took place, but I already said I was the one who acted foolish by emailing her in the manner I did.

When I see her around at random, she looks like she's filled her pants. She never does a sleepover any longer. So since I cannot contact her or talk to her in the office as people are obviously going to be flocking around us, there's no way I can make up with her. I got to say sorry to the two ladies at a meeting, but it was probably just a way to shut me up. It meant little to me.

I may as well bite the facts. She didn't want to work with me and yes, it is likely over forever.

But if I quit my support and I cannot even get online to entertain myself, what else would I do? I'd have to 'get a life' and that could be hard in a world full of fussy, neurotypical people. That and I'm really socially inept, anxious and unattractive to boot. No woman would want me. Trust me. It's not lies. It's all true.

Since I lost my key worker, I've felt too low to do anything risky. But of course, I cannot rely on support workers as it's a job and everyone will leave one day. If I don't advance in life, I'll stay put while others will get better jobs, relationships, or whatever. I'd be a non mover.