I have problems with all of my senses, although some are exponentially worse than others. It's to the point that it is a constant struggle, and when I say constant, I really mean it. There is hardly ever a minute when I am not having some sort of problem, and I am not exaggerating. The severity fluctuates to different degrees, but it is never to the point that it is not having any sort of negative impact on me. Loud sounds, high pitched sounds whether loud or quiet, very low sounds, crinkly sounds like the sound a plastic chip bag makes, or sometimes every single sound no matter if it is so quiet that other people don't hear it. Even white noise is difficult to handle.
Then there is touch. I cannot wear clothes or touch clothes that have been been dried outside. I can't tolerate fuzzy or velvety or certainty types of silky cloth. I have trouble with some type of dry powdery substances such as plaster dust and baby powder. I am unable to use hand cream, no matter how dry my hands get. I can't wash dishes because of the feel of the soapy dishwatery sponges or rags. I cannot bear being touched lightly or someone rubbing my back, or many times any sort of contact at all. Breeze or wind often makes me want to jump out of my skin.
I have trouble making my way through crowds. I have trouble telling where exactly another person or thing is in relation to my own body and so I bump into people, not just brush against them as I walk past(although I do a lot of that too,) I actually walk into them. Then the noise of people talking and breathing and the like, the dizzying visual input of lights and people moving around, only make the situation worse. Holding on to someone else makes things a little bit easier, but making my own way through a crowd can be exhausting.
Visual input is a huge struggle for me as well. Lights, people moving around, people moving there hands and arms all over the place right in front of me as they talk, flashing lights, certain TV or computer screens, fluorescent lighting, LED lights, and basically any sort non incandescent lighting, although sometimes incandescents give me problems too.
I have a difficult time eating because I simply cannot choke down certain textures or tastes. And pain is more intense for me as well.
I am unable to attend the church that I have grown up attending because they recently changed the lightbulbs and installed a type of lighting that is way worse for me that fluorescents. It is my home parish, and I cannot go to it because of my sensory issues. And just yesterday I had to leave a very special event for my godmother, who I only get to see every few years because she lives in Mexico and only comes to visit her family in the States every year or two, because the music was loud and harsh so I was forced to leave after being there for only two minutes. I have a difficult time going to restaurants, parties, stores, and other places because of noise and visual input, and that's only at places that aren't already blasting music or flashing lights. When I do go to things I invariably have to leave early because I am overloaded and am starting to shut down. Then either I have to ask a family member to drive me home, or I am forced to sit in my car for one, two, or sometimes three or more hours until I have regained enough energy to drive myself home.
A lot of my day is spent resting away from other people and in as sensory a friendly place I can find.
I could keep writing for hours and hours about all the trouble I have and how limiting my troubles are, but I've noticed that my post is already the length of a novel, so I'll stop here.
31 May 2014, 9:06 pm
