What was your Reaction to your diagnoses?

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or for those who were not diagnosed, what was your reaction to finding out about ASD? ((sorry this doesnt touch base to those with more sever autism or those who were diagnosed in childhood, feel free to add any feelings you may have about your diagnoses if you have any))


I was diagnosed without me really knowing i was being evaluated, or even knowing what ASD is, when i found out that it was Aspergers, i was surprised, but not because i had ASD, only because i always felt different and odd, kinda slow at times but always thought it was a illusion. i was also soo surpirsed on how ASD described me so well, i picked up Autism for dummies and it was like reading a book about me.

what was your reaction?

I always knew, since the start of my awareness of the world at age 5, that I had some kind of "condition." I didn't believe I was "brain-injured," though, which was my diagnosis in the 1960s.

I used to think I was "ret*d." I used to go around saying "I used to be ret*d" when I was 9 years old because I wanted to hang out with the kids who went to the "special school" on my block. I used to always think I had "brain surgery" to correct whatever it was I had before age 5. I went to a "special school" myself--but these kid, who went to school on my block, had all kinds of genetic conditions (e.g., Trisomy 21--Down Syndrome--known as "Mongoloids" in the 1960s).

After I started speaking, at age 5, I became "Aspergian." Before, I seemed to have had Kanner autism.

I just took it for granted that I had something wrong with me, something different about me. I knew, however, that I was going to graduate high school and go to college; I took that for granted.

I got depressed, angry and ashamed.

My reaction, "Well that explains a lot!"

Relief, - and surprise to see, that I was right about myself for once.
I had secretly thought, that I had a sligt brain damage. Someone had told me, that I have autistic traits, and when I read bout autism, I thought I recognized something, - and yet.....
In my life I have been subjected to so many disturbing, unpleasant labels, I didn´t recognize from within, that I was HAPPY to hear, that I am just a completely normal asperger!
Things fall into place now.

Relief. A real sense of something "clicking" into place - finally all making sense.

A supplementary question would be - "did your diagnosis lead to any significant improvement in your ability to deal with your life?"

I'd already self-diagnosed, so my reaction was basically 'OK, now I know for sure'.

As for when I self-diagnosed, it was a long, slow, gradual process. My initial reaction to AS was 'ooh, fascinating' and it became an intense interest of mine. Then I started noticing experiences I was having in everyday life that mirrored what I was reading about, but I rationalized them away. Then my rationalizations broke down, and I started thinking 'maybe I'm BAP'. And then I started thinking my autistic traits might be too pronounced to just be BAP, but I kept second-guessing my self-diagnosis as autistic. I hoped I was autistic, but part of me kept saying I was just lazy and rude and inconsiderate. When I got my official diagnosis, I stopped second-guessing myself and just accepted that I was autistic.

I was very relieved about my diagnosis, because before I knew AS existed, nearly every time I got upset, I spent hours searching on the internet for reasons as to why I felt so disconnected from what was going on and all these things. My questions were mostly things like, "Why is it that I get confused so easily and just can't fill in the blanks for so many things when they're left out? Why can't I assume what goes in those blanks and get it right?" I always got extremely frustrated about how I just can't assume those things and figure out what goes "in the blanks" if someone doesn't fully explain something, because they think that certain things in whatever it is was "obvious." For me, it's almost never obvious. Now, I still get frustrated, but I get less frustrated now, because I know that there is actually a reason for me thinking this way and that there are other people like me. Now, I only get frustrated about the direct situation instead of getting frustrated about the situation AND wondering why I am this way.

Then of course, other questions were answered, and I'm just happy to know that I don't have to get upset about wondering why I am this way, and I just get upset only about the direct situation of whatever is effected. That's a good amount of less stress per day.

It was complicated. I had many thoughts and feelings all tangled up together.

"Huh... that makes a lot of sense, actually."

I actually laughed, and still find it funny now.

(diagnosed last October)

For me it was like finding the 2 last missing pieces from a huge and complex jigsaw after it had seemed for many decades that the last pieces were permanently lost and the puzzle would forever remain unfinished.

So the last 2 pieces clicked into place, and there is was: a sense of wholeness at last.

Well, I was diagnosed before I went to primary school (which had an autism support unit) so, at first I wasn't sure. I knew I was different as soon as I went to a new nursery, but I couldn't properly articulate what it was or how I really felt about it.

When I got a little older (from age 8ish) I was asking a lot more questions. I knew I had this autism thing, but I didn't know what it was and why some people had it but couldn't talk and others had it but they wouldn't shut up. I also didn't understand why I went tons different school than my sister and why I wasn't in the mainstream classes. I actually worried that there was something wrong with my intelligence. Worst of all was that some of the teachers and teaching support actually denied that anything was up. It made me feel annoyed that something made me different, but nobody would admit it. Then they caved in.

My teachers and therapist decided that it'd be a good idea to give me some literature on autism. The only thing we had that actually explained autism to somebody on the spectrum was a leaflet for teenagers. However the language was so simplistic, I had no trouble comprehending it. I think my curiosity started to spark the curiosity of some of my peers, so the teachers decided to do a worksheet with some of us (pretty much three aspies) and that's when I was first introduced to the term 'Aspergers Syndrome'. The worksheet tried to make out that it makes you a special snowflake, but aside from that I was mostly just glad that, finally, somebody explained that its a spectrum and that's why each of us had different levels of ability.

I think, overall, I was just glad that I could understand what made me different. I felt like, upon hearing of this info, that I finally had ownership of my own condition as well.as some control over how I learn to deal with it. That was most preacious to me.

Well I was speech delayed I was (and still am) hard of hearing in one ear and Autism was "hinted" at a young age tho because it was a still new diagnoses at the time early 80's to mid 90's many people were hesitant to say that yea your son (me) has Autism but looking back the signs were there I believe it was until I was 11 or 12 I saw somebody and the psychologist said to my mother that it's extremely likely that your son has Autism and recommended special needs classes that would best suit me which worked out great however my mother didn't like the idea/thought that her son (me) had Autism so it was never an official diagnoses and the testing stopped there However I officially got a proper Diagnoses a year ago (after much research on my end) it was a relief... because it pretty much canceled out previous labels that many teachers and "psychologists" threw out on me based on "suspicions". As for my feelings that have what is now known as ASD relived knowing I'm not as abnormal as many people thought I was and now that I truly know what I have I can work it with to perhaps better my life from here on out.

Mr Grumpy, in response to your supplementary question: did it lead to improvements in your life?

Yes, definitely. I stopped blaming and shaming myself for social faux pas which NTs had negatively commented on in the past, and focused instead on my strengths. I decided it was time to give certain NT "friends" the push and find/form new friendships with more understanding and congenial people.

I stopped trying to be an NT. (I didn't know this was what I had been doing before I knew I was ASD).

This was great!

When you know better, you do better.