my mother wants me to talk even when I don't want to

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I think talking is tiring, specially when I come back from college and I am feeling exhausted already, or when I get home or when I am anxious.
but then my mother wants to talk. Not only her, my father etc are like that too but I see my mother more often. She asks me questions like: "how was your day?" or "did you have fun in the party?" and I don't answer because I am feeling very tired, or else answer "I don't wanna talk"
she gets really upset. My father gets mad. He yells that I have to answer when he asks me a question and I can't ignore people.
or I may answer "I am tired" and then she says "it's not my fault you are tired"
also she complains I don't tell her anything and that daughters tell their mothers everything about their lives. But I don't know what she wants me to tell, nothing happens, really. It's not like I fought a dragon on my way home. Plus when I talk I prefer to talk about things I discovered and learned in that day than what happened to me or who talked to me because that's boring. But she doesn't get that and she thinks that talking about theories doesn't bond people.

so my questions are:
1) do I have to answer everything people ask me or is it okay not to talk when I am tired or don't feel like?
2) does my mother have to respect my desire not to talk or is it the other way around?
3) if you think I have the right not to talk at anytime, what should I do so they don't get mad or upset at me because of that?

I actually experience the exact same thing, and it's infuriating.

I'll finish an exam, come home, first thing my mum asks: 'how did you go on the exam?'

That followed by a million more abrasive questions, only to have my dad come home soon after and repeat the very same questions in a more aggressive way.

1. I think it's perfectly fine not to talk to them, but I can't offer a solution if simply requesting them to not talk to you immediately after life commitments etc doesn't work, as that's all I know.
2. You are the one being initiated upon, so it isn't your desire at fault, though without providing a reason can be seen inconsiderate in that they love you and want the best for you etc.
3. No idea, sorry. XD

Tell your parents you saw a dragon. Then describe the dragon's actions.

Seriously: I wonder if you wouldn't mind telling them: "I love you very much, but I don't feel like talking right now. I'm pretty tired. Thank you for your consideration."

I could understand that you don't feel like talking; I feel the same way frequently. I guess, at that point, your parents are a combination nosy, concerned, curious, and (perhaps characteristic of most Non-Spectrum people) just want to socialize.

I say, "I just got home and I need a minute to decompress." (Not sure what the idiom is in your language for "return to normal after being under stress/pressure".) Most people can identify with that experience even if they are not on the spectrum, and the statement implies that you WILL talk to them at a later time if they can be patient.

Could you come to an agreement that you will answer 1 (or 2 or however many you want) question(s) about your day and then they won't ask you any more? They might be happy with that?
My kids are only little (1 with asd and 1 nt) but they both hate being quizzed after school. DD will answer as many questions as I ask at bedtime though as she gets to stay up later. And ds will tell me 5 things about school but he chooses what they are. Or we play a game where he can ask me any question and I can ask him any question but I guess you're a bit old for that
It's hard because what is seen to be important information to you and your parents won't necessarily match. My sons teacher informed me the other day that my son has had an inseparable friend at school for a long time now but I'd never heard his name mentioned before then.

Statements my wife understands when I use them:

- I really don't feel like talking right now.
- I prefer not to talk about that.
- I'm feeling kind of quiet.
- I just need some space right now.
- Can we keep it light, I'm not into heavy topics right now.

Try some like these - maybe they'll work in your situation.

Hope this helps.

What she wants you to tell her is the emotional component to your life. Compiling the events that occur to you into an emotional tale that regales them with wonder. I?m slightly exaggerating with that but it?s the general idea. This is a quote from Tony Attwood that for aspies in conversation there is a ?Predominance of descriptions of actions compared to descriptions and interpretations of thoughts, feelings and intentions of themselves and others.? I have noted an extreme difference between myself and others when it comes to being able to take the days events and compile them into a story to tell people in the way they do for each other. Perhaps this is what you?re describing, perhaps not. For example I go to a park and play, way back when I was a kid, and I meet another kid. We play. And when asked what happened I say we played or something specific whatever it happened to be we did but the NT adds emotions to the story, intentions and thoughts an entirely new dimension of detail it?s like going from 2 dimensional(me) to 3 dimensional(NT kid) and I cannot fake it so hopefully you?ll know how an NT would describe that situation of playing with some kid at the playground. It?s a huge difference from me and later on in life I came to see that sort of conversation largely irrelevant as you do and thus not wishing to engage.

To your questions.
1. It depends upon your objective. If social integration is your objective then a modest amount of communication is required regardless of how you feel. You can occasionally tell them you?re tired and can?t talk right now but for the greater majority one has to ignore their feelings and engage. If social integration is not a desire then just ignore everyone as they are pointless.

2. That depends upon person and culture. Some people and culture?s will kill you if you don?t obey them. For the majority of the world though it comes back to objectives. From what she?s said your mother wishes a closer relationship with you eventually she?s just going to have to accept that you do not want a close relationship and she should respect that.

3. You can?t control their emotions. But you can let them know it?s not their fault and that you?re just different and thus ask them to accept you. As soon as they accept that you desire a distanced relationship from them then your actions should no longer aggravate them. The aggravation comes because they want something from you and they aren?t getting it.

Your post makes me angry. Your parents are not respecting you. Maybe they will be more understanding if you explain being too tired to talk as an ASD symptom, but honestly, they should back off until you feel ready to talk no matter the reason.

Personally, I am having increasing problems with being fatigued by talking. I'm thinking about getting an AAC app and expecting backlash because people know that I can talk and will selfishly prefer that I talk even if it kills me. The importance people place on verbal communication can be quite annoying, especially when all they have to say is trifling b.s.

Hey! An idea: Tell your parents that you'll communicate with them right after you get home if they'll buy you an AAC device and you can use that instead of talking. If you want one, that is.

Your parents are being parents. They love you. They worry about you. They want to hear that you are doing well, or help you if you are not. Just one of the evils of a loving parent.

Why not LOVINGLY explain why you sometimes don't want to talk. And you might have to LOVINGLY remind them of that a few thousand times. And in between those quiet times, giving them an occassional hug and thanking them for all they have done for you, will help them worry less, therefore be less annoying.

After school, I hide in my room, do my homework, surf the Internet, and let out my tics. I'm tired, okay? Give me a break!