Putting on a persona?

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Hey Guys,

I was interested in finding out if any of you (especially the lady aspies - I hear it's common trait) put on a persona in public or in different social situations? Is this normal for "NTs"? I tend to go from bossy boots/know it all, to silly teenager, to responsible adult and interchange depending on the people I'm with or the situation. Though none of these are who I am (I think silly teenager is closer to who I am though) and I find my true self is very polar opposite - I can be silly and oversensitive or highly logical and informative (seeming responsible I guess?). I think these personas are to protect me, and also something I do when I meet someone and find them cool, so study how to be like them.

I hear women with ASD have this to mask that they are different, which I think is true for me. I often say things in social situations to appear normal, but I don't necessarily believe in what I said or who that persona was. It's like being an actor or chameleon at times, but with strangers I can't act, unless I act super nice, but I think that's because people perceive me as super nice because I say nothing, to stop from foot-in-mouth situations, and just kinda keep it to simple pleasantries, which after a while I think people get annoyed with (not sure?). I do use a scrip for greetings and if people catch me off guard like when I say I'm good and you and they say I'm terrible, I don't know what to say, my mind is just blank and I stutter something out quickly so they don't notice (but this often ends badly).

Eeeek!

Does anyone else have this, or is this more of an NT trait?

I wear who I am on my sleeve, so to speak, and I cannot hide who I am from people.

I have always copied other people as far as I remember. I would see someone do something and do it too but that was also a problem because I copied everyone rather it was bad behavior or inappropriate behavior. I even copied inappropriate behavior at school when I was 6 and seven and when I was put in mainstream, I acted better because I saw kids in my class didn't do these strange things. It was like I was never myself except for at home. I don't fake my answers anymore and I don't think I ever did but I used to pretend to not like things. I quit jumping on the band wagon in junior high so that was why I was never into Pokemon or anything that was so popular. Sometimes I still feel tempted to do things I see others doing. I would say it was a NT trait I had alright but what i was missing was what NTs have with that ability and that is knowing what is acceptable behavior and what is not. I copied everyone including little kids because I did not understand the rules for each age group. I always relied on other people to figure out how to act. I also did not understand where the line was drawn about when something was acceptable and when it's not. Other kids knew when to stop and I didn't. It was as if little kids were a bad influence on me which is funny because it's normally the other way around. I even told my husband months back if you have a child that copies everyone, you do not want them in that class. A class for special needs. My parents didn't even want me in a special school even though it may have helped me educationally but not socially because it would have made me worse and my school wanted to put me in a behavior program and my parents knew that was a bad idea or I would learn to have behavior problems and learn some violence. They just didn't want me doing "school behavior" even if I l always left it at school.

I also think this ability helped me from being more of a target for bullying so it reduced it.

I think everyone uses personas but the way NTs do it is different. Like they can do it more on autopilot and shift between different personas more easily. I have to think really hard about putting one on.

I have a work persona that I use so I can concentrate on what I'm doing. Someone else pointed this out to me years ago, before I ever noticed I was doing it. A co-worker noticed how it was like I became like a different person before and after I clocked in to work.

I believe everyone has different faces, both NT's and Aspies. The most common are the work persona, parent persona, social/peer persona, family persona, internet/online persona and private persona.

Although me being interested in movies and comic books I have an extreme version where I enjoy doing cosplay. I only time I do this is at events such as comic cons and Halloween parties.

Thanks for those replies guys. They were very insightful. I'm not sure if I go into "autopilot" with my personas. I think I do think to myself which persona is more appropriate and for works situations I default into the say nothing and be "pleasant" persona so I don't get into trouble. I think this is because my parents used to hate how I asked too many questions as a kid or spoke my mind - I guess because people perceive it as rude or precocious, so I suppressed this side of me and sort of followed the crowd to mask it - rules were important too. I do copy bad behaviour too, and there have been instances where I've had friends which influenced me to do things that were wrong and I would only find out about it afterwards.

I guess since finding out I could possibly have Aspergers I've been trying to decipher where NTs would lie and where Aspies would lie on the social side of things. It's quite confusing really. I know that I respond to what is said rather than social cues and I struggle to figure ppl out (facial expressions I just don't get unless they are extreme anger or very happy etc or if I have time to analyse them lol which is hardly ever the case unless ppl are ok with stretches of silence).

I had personas for most of my childhood. At home I would not put on a persona, but of course I would copy my older sister because I thought she was just so cool. I don't call that putting on a persona though.
At some point in my childhood I realized I was acting and also feeling differently depending on where I was. I remember itemizing 'this is my school self, this is my family self, this is my church self, this is me by myself self'. I also, for a loooong time, would act very nice and pleasant and try my hardest to just be a good person (thank you church), but it was always very taxing. Not because I had to be good, but because I tried very hard to listen to people, tried very hard to respond considerately. Like, I remember conversing, mainly listening, to my grandma who had Alzheimer's, because she just wanted someone to listen to her. And then when I would babysit, I'd play make-believe with the kids I was with. But both of these activities were not fun and I didn't like them, but I did them anyways because I felt that that's what I should do.
Many adults thought I was acting very adult-like.

Fast forward past teenage years (which was absolutely horrible then great, socially), I developed depression, and I eventually stopped being this pleasant, attentive person, and it pervades to this day. It's just too taxing for me to put up a front. I'm tired all the time now though, and I feel like my natural persona has changed a lot since being a kid too.
I mean, I will still act differently depending on the situation, I will not say things that I perceive will be taken poorly, or will very tactfully be like 'oh I'm not sure I think that's true all the time' when it's something controversial, in person, but that feels different than what I did as a kid.

I am a weird person and I feel like I choose to not fit in when I don't fit in, rather than having an inability to fit in.

Also interesting, different cultures make different use of personas. Like, North American culture is very much a 'be yourself' culture. It's what we tell our kids in storybooks, be unique, don't follow the crowd, what hipsters are trying to be, etc. But my understanding is that lots of eastern cultures, personas and being someone different in different situations is the norm and expected.

Yes, I have a persona for being out in public. I actually have several: one for work, one for social events, etc.

I call them "suits". I have to put on a "suit" when I go out.

I think Aspie males are just who they are! and Female Aspies are just who they ere!! !

It is normal for NTs. To put on different personas in different situations with different people.

Perhaps we have to put more effort into maintaining a persona in any specific situation than an NT would. But essentially I think it is this, just taking more of an effort ;

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dramaturgy_(sociology)

Same here. I'm very much not like women with AS there. I suppress certain things like stimming, tics etc when at work but I can't be anyone but myself.

us aspies gotta stick together

I disagree. No, it's not even that I disagree. It's simply the fact that I can't be false. I am who I am and I'm me for everyone. The same me. The REAL me. I don't know how to be anything other than me. I guess I could try and force myself to be like someone else but... No I couldn't. I just wouldn't be comfortable doing that.

I'd rather go sit by myself and just listen to the others inside having a good time (as I've always done), find an animal to pat and be myself by myself than to be uncomfortable and obviously false. Besides, I don't care that much about fitting in. I don't even really want to fit in. I'm just too different. I know it! They know it! I just prefer my own company.

Having said that, I do occasionally quote Spockisms and lines from various movies etc. in real life when and where they fit in but that's also just me!

That doesn't make sense. Forget I posted it!

It sounded good at the time last night.

I didn't understand what a persona was until about 10 yrs ago. I thought that everyone I worked with was the same when they went home. I believed this until I heard that one of my co-workers was a stripper on the weekends. At first I thought it was a joke and laughed. Then I was told later by one of my co-workers it was really true. I could not believe it, she was married and had children. After learning this I began to understand and started to practice different personas myself. I now work part time at Walmart and I put on my smiley face and my cashier persona. When I go to my full time job as a Ops Support Assistant III I put on my, I'm the leader persona. I'm not very good at it but it seems to get me by.

Same here, yes I sometimes use phrases copied from characters, and I am not above observing quietly and then copying people's behaviour in new situations, but the concept of deliberately putting on an act is beyond my capacity in social situations. I fail to see the purpose because if I am not myself then I'm exposed to things that cause me to shut down.

Also social phobia and societal pressure are utterly foreign to me. I have to consciously remember other people have thoughts of their own, and while in my Thirties I have got to the stage where I am intellectually considering what each person knows in a given situation (particularly in films and TV shows), what people think of me is not something that concerns me. I'm not instinctively aware THAT other people think and feel so why would I be concerned all the time with what they think of me?