Verbal Repetition of Obsessive Thoughts

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You know how it gets when there's something that's making you anxious or frustrated, and you feel compelled to talk about it over and over again to whoever's listening? I experienced that four separate times today, and it's driving me insane. What sorts of things do you do to derail your thought process? When I'm nervous about an upcoming situation and people don't give me the answers I want, I just keep finding different ways to ask until they yell at me to shut up. When I'm frustrated about something or feel like I was treated unjustly, I keep talking about it until those around me change the subject, which makes me even more frustrated, as well as anxious because it feels (irrationally) to me like they don't care about what happened to me. I just can't seem to let go of things that bother me. Thoughts?

In a very similar predicament myself right now. You see I want to have my cake and eat it, I want an injustice to be reversed but I don't want to harm 'good' people who have made mistakes in the process. Sadly this can not be achieved, too many rules, regulations and red tape for that. But yes I have been obsessing and knew I would obsess when this situation came to the forefront of my mind again. I am trying the best though to keep things to myself, that in it's self can be frustrating, people try to advise me what to do when they themselves have no idea quite how deep, convoluted and complex the whole situation is. My advise is not to email the police while you are emotional and streaming drunk. Once you have said to much you have said too much and backtracking just makes you look like a nutter. At least it makes life interesting and I hope they got rid of the evidence as I have.

I have this problem a lot. My husband hears most of it now and he gets very annoyed about it. We are nearly opposites on everything and he is very laid back and what he calls "carefree" I am likely to call "careless".

I am anxious a lot and it gets worse when lots of things are changing or have changed. It's like I have to reframe the world and my place in it. It goes back to object permanence I think and resistance to change. I also have huge problems with perfectionism in myself as a person (this does not apply to my house; severe executive dysfunction there ). My personal mistakes and failures, and there are many, bog me down and feed into my anxiety because those things make me feel insecure and useless and make me feel like I am a "bad person" because I can't do things right.

I try to forgive myself and remind myself that these are failings I could not or cannot help. I have a lot of "baggage" from my childhood and younger years due to many experiences. I used to blame all my problems on this one very bad event, trying to find a locus and a causation for what I have lived with but after discovering Aspergers I have been able to let go of that event some and no longer use it so much as a frame. For some twenty years I lived in that event, like some weird PTSD thing. I dwelled on it. I spoke to a couple people (didn't have many opportunities to do that though) who quickly got tired of it, namely my husband. I used to dwell on how my father treated me growing up (undiagnosed/untreated mental health problems and unrecognized Aspergers). So many past things that I used to frame my life, in an attempt to make my problems make sense to myself and to people around me who wanted an explanation. The problem with using frames from the past is that they hold you back there and they keep you from understanding what's actually going on now. They are like a vortex. I have been able to let go of that most major frame/event now that I can explain things in light of Aspergers and I still have a lot of doubts that I have this because what are the odds and also I am a girl so that sort of makes things different in terms of identifying it. I don't know if some of your problems are from "living in the past" (I hate that phrase; sounds so stupid but I think I understanding now what that really means), but I know these things contribute to my anxiety because it puts me on the edge already emotionally. I don't intentionally dwell on these things it is more like they are always with me. They give me grief as much as they give me familiarity and grounding and comfort and that is a conundrum.

As far as current anxiety-inducing events, in order to derail some of that anxiety after telling my husband more than two or three or even four times about it in detail, I ask him for reassurance but even that can make him mad. I think he's gotten used to this being the way I am and doesn't get so ruffled anymore. Often I ask for reassurance first before I know he's getting to the breaking point and is tired of hearing it. When asking for reassurance, especially if it is an obsessive-type worry, I will tell him what he needs to say and how to say it just so I can hear it. I'll say, "Just tell me it won't happen," or "just tell me what-ever-it-is is okay". And if he does it gently and without anger in his voice it works. I also pray and give it to God I also stim, stim, stim. If it's something I need to apologize for I do that too so the other person isn't hurt or angry. Sometimes they have no idea what I am apologizing for anyway and then I wonder why I got so worked up over it then. And I do have to ask for reassurance several times. Eventually I quit and just stim it away over time. And time can be even a year or more over things any other person would just have "blown off" right from the start.

I try to track my emotions but then at night or weeks later or even months later I get random panic attacks over something I thought I was over. Or I think I am coping with something really well only to find that it just hadn't hit me yet til months later and I have a full-on panic attack (pacing, flapping, rising in stomach, wanting to bang my hands on the walls to feel it and hear it making sound effects). Stimming is so much better than holding it in and ignoring it, trying to be "competent." Certain items that go missing and deaths in the family are the things that really sneak up on me. I keep busy during the days so my worst anxiety is at night and in the early morning hours when there is nothing I am supposed to be doing.

I also find that I have more anxiety and sudden falls into depression and sensory sensitivity I suspect sometimes from chocolate so I avoid that too. I get migraines from it anyway so have to be careful when I eat it and how much. I also have reactive hypoglycemia often so I should avoid sugary and carbohydrate items. Have you tried light snacking to keep your blood sugar on an even keel? Anxiety, for me anyway, is so much less tolerable and more likely to "run amock" if I haven't eaten lately. My husband said I was less anxious when taking spirulina and I think he is right. If you try spirulina be aware of where it comes from because it can be contaminated with toxins and crap just like fish can. Some acquaintances have have some success with Limu juice.

Sorry for the rambling. I do that. Maybe it helps. Now I can go worry about giving too much information

StarTrekker,

A few things that might help:

- Relax your brain a bit by counting to three in your head before replying to someone in a conversation. This allows your brain time to reprocess your thought and work on the wording before your lips start moving.

- Take some little personal "time-outs" to back down from a possible shut-down or melt-down. This might include a short walk, making an excuse to leave the room for a minute (I just have to check on something..., I just need to get something..., Hold that thought I'll be back in a second...)

- If you can get away with it, try wearing dark sunglasses for the conversation (maybe you're talking outside, or you just came in from outside). For reasons I don't understand, I've found that if people can't see your eyes somehow they're a little more relaxed in conversation (or I could be full of it on this one but it is a theory of mine).

Hope this helps - take care.

Or just succumb to chaos, I love the feeling of vulnerability. It keeps you on your toes. Anyway with regards to my post above, hint, hint.

Thanks for the advice guys. I'm doing better today, have been able to let go of the biggest aspects of yesterday's stuff for the most part. Eggheadjr, the thing about the sunglasses is interesting. I would have thought that NTs not being able to see your eyes would make them nervous, because they can't use them to decipher how you're feeling, basically making them just like us with regard to reading emotions. I'll have to do some research on that.

StarTrekker - half the time I sit around with dark sunglasses on and a blank expression on my face people tell me I look "cool" or "very relaxed".

Maybe because they can't see my eyes and read them they have to assume how I'm feeling and project a state of emotion onto me based on assumption. I really don't know. All I know is that I get complemented when I wear dark sunglasses.

I've been doing that all morning since I've left my doctor's office at the walk-in clinic. I've been telling myself that she's a Narcissist who only sees things her way. I should go on an extreme diet and exercise programme so I'd be walking into her office all skin and bone like Ray Davies 12 months from now, so she will be in tears asking herself, "What have I done to her?" She only sees things her way with her all or nothing, black and white thinking.