Difference between kindness and Empathy.

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Simple question. What is the difference between kindness and empathy? ive read alot of people with Aspergers can extremely kind. I myself have been told im unusually kind to a point where it can be taken advantage of. What is the difference between this and empathy?

I think empathy is being able to care about the person and feel what they feel, and kindness is actually reaching out to help them.

TheAP explains it very well. I would just add that the two tend to go together. If you are kind to someone, it is because you are able to empathise with their feelings and understand what you can do to help them.

There are a few different things people will mean by empathy. Sometimes they lump multiple ideas together:

1. Being able to identify people's feelings from things like tone of voice, body language, etc.
2. Giving a damn about other people's feelings. (Completely lacking this toward other humans is sociopathy.)
3. Being able to predict what someone's feelings will be after some hypothetical event.
4. Vicariously feeling someone else's emotions.

#2 is what makes you want to be kind to others. #1 and #3 is what lets you do a good job at being kind. #4 is what's actually in the dictionary.

I think that is the type of empathy that Aspies say so much about NTs have, which is the one that makes the most sense.


The rest are not accurate to describe any group of people. I find myself caring too much about other people and their feelings, even if I haven't experienced their problems or feelings myself. I can still generally put myself in their shoes. But have I had people being nasty to me because they don't give a damn about my feelings? Oh yes. This is why I get so angry when people just vaguely say ''oh NTs have all types of empathy, Aspies and Autistics lack it, so *raspberry*'', and forget about all the times people who are a bit different from the norm (ie, ASD/ADHD people) get so shunned, judged horribly, bullied, and whatever else you can think of.

I agree with what's been said here.

I'd say that kindness is the will to make others happy, empathy is the way.

An ill-willed individual (such as a narcissist) may use their empathy to make others unhappy.

Somewhere in the middle, I think it's sometimes possible to use empathy to neutralise an attacker.

It's powerful stuff, empathy.

I was discussing empathy with my psycho the other day - we sort of came up with something - maybe an aspie gets caught up in the truth of empathy - when a lot of NTs express empathy it is a lie - they do not know what the other person is feeling at all, they are only trying to imagine, or even projecting what someone should feel. With the aspie need for truth, unless they have actually experienced the same thing, maybe they don't assume that they could imagine what another person is feeling?

Simon Baron-Cohen is helpful here. He distinguishes between the cognitive aspects of empathy (the bit which allows you to spontaneously understand others) and the affective aspects of empathy (the bit which allows you to care and sympathise).

Autistic people tend to lack the cognitive aspects but not the affective aspect, and so they are typically kind (or moral) but often find it hard to pick up on things (e.g. that someone is sad).

According to Baron-Cohen, this makes autistic people 'super-moral' and mirror opposites to psychopaths, who have good cognitive empathy but lack affective empathy.

See Baron-Cohen's very interesting book Zero-Degrees Empathy (printed as The Science of Evil in the USA).

I strongly suspect a lot of that is right. Problem for me with the term "empathy" is that it has too many different definitions and it's a word that's steeped in emotional charge for many people. I wish the experts had used other terms, e.g. "cognitive empathy" could be called something like "emotion reading skills." Doesn't sound as impressive, but it seems less confusing to me. I don't know where the term "super-moral" came from, but again I think it has a little too much emotional charge, though I don't disagree that Aspies can be sticklers for (their idea of) right and wrong. Aspies can get upset to be called unempathic, and NTs can get upset if it's insinuated that Aspies have a superior sense of justice to theirs. So I don't object to the ideas that are being expressed here, I think they're useful, I'd just prefer more neutral terms, to aid in the dispassionate pursuit of the truth, if that makes any sense. I'm probably being too perfectionist.

The seems to make sense. I tend to really feel for others once I think through their situation. But it they tell me about a problem, especially if there's a lot of information, I have trouble telling how they feel, if they're asking me for something, or what they expect me to feel.

I think what Baron-Cohen says makes sense and I have seen it reported on in other papers. Once such article described a comparison between Callous-Unemotional children (their child group with 'psychopath' traits) and diagnosed ASD children.

They split the empathy types into caring about what other people feel (they described that people with ASD may or may not feel what others feel but nonetheless care. This group do not inflicit harm on others for pleasure.) and knowing what other people are feeling.

They found that ASD children tended to be score highly on caring about other people's feelings but poorly at reading social signals. The reverse was found in CI children, save a small group of children with ASD AND CI traits suggesting there can be some overlap in the empathy deficits

You mean "what's the difference between sympathy, and empathy?".

Both words have "path" (meaning 'feeling') in them.

Empathy is the ability to get into someone else's head, see their pov, sense what their emotions are.

Sympathy also means to sense the other person's feelings, but it also means to combine that with concern. And you can have sympathy without actual empathy. You can have sympathy for a person who's thought process you don't understand.

And you can have empathy without sympathy.

Sociopaths tend to be good at empathy, but lack sympathy. They get into your head, and know how to manipulate you for their own ends.

Does anyone else here cry if they see someone cry?

Even if I just see someone's eyes start to tear up on a TV commercial - even if I don't know why they are crying. It works exactly like yawning when you see someone else yawn. I don't start full-on weeping or have a meltdown, but at the very least my eyes will well up. I can't find any information on "sympathetic" crying (except on babies).

Years ago I was told this was proof that I was not on the spectrum. Now I am starting to see more research about excessive, overwhelming empathy rather (as opposed to little empathy), which fits my experiences.

If so, do you think this is more of a female thing? Have you read anything about this?

- Kindness is caring, and desire to help others
- Empathy is understanding the situation and how the other person feels. But some will misunderstand this. They think because you don't understand you don't care whereas you care but don't understand.

Empathy is important to be an effective as*hole, too. You need to know what would make your victim's life the most miserable in order to do it.

Been trying to understand this concept. Ive been told im unusually kind. So i assumed i was empathic therefore not Aspie. After deliberating with myself and reading i believe my kindness is a trait from childhood where i would equate making friends with giving people stuff, also if someone does something nice for me i have a compulsion to repay them like for like. An example would be if someone takes me somewhere i have to repay them, if they dont take it then il leave it on the ground then walk away till they take it,otherwise someone else will. If they dont take it il go on and on till they do. Theres also possibly some self worth issues too. If someone gives me something money or anything of worth il try and give them it back. I also just think money is paper, its value is illusiory, therefore not of worth. Although i know its essential to a certain degree. does this make any sense?