Understanding friends vs fake friends

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Hi im new my name is Chad i am 18 years old from southern California. I have Aspergers, ADD and Anxiety. I like to ride motorcycles and go to music festivals. I am a college student with a 4.0 studying get a degree as an automotive mechanic. Ive always had a difficult time understanding people and making long-term friends. The people that i get to know call me awesome, nice, thoughtful but People never call or facebook me to hangout and i miss out on all the parties and i dont know why. We have a fun time and share deep intelligent thoughts and wisdom and make lifelong memories. These friends of mine seem chill and smoke weed but i dont smoke pot because it gives me anxiety attacks. But what i dont seem to understand is my friends call me their best friend and homie. Im always the one willing to pay for things if they dont have the money, buy them christmas and birthday gifts etc. but they dont recipricate anything that i do. About a month ago a friend named jordan that i havent talked to in six months texts me from a hospital saying hes in life threataning condition from his appendix bursting. Then when i make it there he tells me how im a true homie for life and best friends and how happy he is to see me. Then he gets released a few days later and never talks to me. Wtf? And then i call a girl every so often named joann and she says she misses me, but recently got a boyfriend and is ignoring me ever since.

Hi there and welcome to WP. Pleased to meet you.

Those 'friends' you got there aren't worth having...they are of the 'fake' variety, belonging to the phylum Porifera...in other words, your common variety sponge (either financially or emotionally).

This is one of the main ways to tell 'fake' from 'real' friends...just say "I'm sorry I can't shout dinner tonight, as I'm gonna be broke myself for the next month or so....bills...bills...and more bills..." and watch them all flee like rats on the Titanic.

A true friend will always say 'thanks for the offer, but I got this one' or return the favour you just bestowed at a foreseeable future date. They don't say they are 'busy' when you ask them to do a small favour for you, when you are bending over backwards to do favours for them (my family does this all the time).

Last week:

Brother: "I need a favour....my car has to go to the mechanic and I have no way of getting back home...can you please drive down with me and take me back?"

Me: "Sure thing" *does it.

This week:

Me: "I need a favour....my car has to go to the mechanic and I have no way of getting back home...can you please drive down with me and take me back?"

Brother: "Can't you get somebody else to do it? I am just so busy with tax stuff and trying to clean my office and I need to advertise for more students...business is so bad right now....I will be busy for weeks...."

Me: "you are a real bastard, do you know that?"

*storms off.

This is how you tell the difference between 'real' and 'fake' friends.

My advice? Wipe them like a dirty arse.

I agree with SoMissunderstood. Unfortunately your friends don't seem to be very nice friends

Who doesn't want to be friends with an auto mechanic? It sounds like you are a valuable and resourceful friend to have so you are kept around however the connection really isn't there otherwise so you are kept distant. Basically you are being taken advantage of by people who need you however don't really want you. As hard is it is I would keep looking around for some better quality friends that could offer more in the way of mutual benefit.

Actually the term acquaintance probably fits your friends description best, that is the type of relationship you will likely get out of most co-workers and schoolmates.

The only real friends I have are the ones I've known since childhood and my best friend is also an aspie. The rest are what I consider aquaintences. It is quite typical for the NT to use you when they are suffering some type hardship and have noone else to talk to. And then there's the worst kind of all: The friends that just use you to do favors and borrow money from you. In my old age, I've learned to figure out these types very quickly and avoid them like the plague!

What hurts worse is the non-obvious sponges, or where money isn't really involved.

It really opens up your eyes when someone you were getting along with won't even buy you a beer or drink.

Real friendships are bonded on things shared in common: particularly mutual respect, some shared interests, mutual appreciation. Mutual is the big word here, Chad, and I don't think these people were were your friends, nor capable of being your friends. It's very hurtful when people use you, so know your boundaries and limits, and set them. People (worth knowing) will respect you for that.

Welcome to WP. Hope you find lots of good friends here.

Anyone who's taking a lot from you (money, material items, rides, etc) without giving back isn't your friend. It's one thing to accept more from someone who has more to give, and it's another to not repay the favor at all.

Once it becomes a pattern, cut things off. If you hand out money and favors to anyone who'll spend time with you even if they don't reciprocate, you're going to attract people who'll swap you some "you're such a good friend" and "you're so cool" flattery for it.

Thanks everyone it means a lot to me to be apart of this forum as most people dont understand my aspergers syndrome and it makes more sense now knowing that these people arent worth my time.

If you really like these people, if you enjoy being around them, hang out with them, just don't keep giving them stuff. Once you say no a few times you'll see who's real and who's not.

I had a lot of friends like that in college, they were always wanting food, money, drugs, etc. and it was annoying but it's what people do at that age because they don't have much money. And sometimes other people did things for me too but you have to put yourself out there for it. College especially is like that, it's like there's a complex bartering system.

People like that won't ever seek you out, unless they want something. It's nothing to do with you, they just have a mindset that everything should come to them and they don't ever think about giving to other people. Some will reciprocate if you ask them or remind them that they owe you a favor. I have never been good at negotiating things like that that which is why I get tired of it. But seriously at that age you are going to run into that a lot.

You might be interested in this book:
http://www.amazon.com/Tell-Your-Friends ... 156792297X

Seriously though, if they only use you and never reciprocate what you do for them it seems quite likely they're not your friends. You should probably say "no" from time to time.