relationship with more than one person

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franknfurter
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04 Jul 2014, 6:38 pm

Ok, this might seem quite naïve, but I said to my parents today that my ideal situation would be to be in a relationship with 2 or 3 people, and we would all live together.

financially better off, we would all have jobs.

I would prefer being in a house of four like I am currently

it would be more interesting

children would be easier because there are more adults on hand.

my parents are convinced that it never works and its wrong, I don't know why

why is it only acceptable for having a couple, why not 3 or 4. my dad said jealousy happens, but why, we would all be together.

I prefer more people, its more secure.



cavernio
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04 Jul 2014, 7:43 pm

Because society and jealousy and tolerance. I mean, think about how many couples break up not because of jealousy or whatnot, but because of fighting and inability to work through differences. Now have 4 people do that, and like, some people may like others more than someone else, and it might cause tensions. Plus, you have to find people who like each other enough to be in that sort of situation also, not necessarily easy, although it can certainly happen.
I've known and heard of friends (couples usually who are friends with another couple) who will buy houses next to each other, or get apartments next to each other, so that there's enough personal space but they'll still interact way more than if they lived further away.

I suppose what you're talking about isn't necessarily all romantic relationships though. And if you're not, a lot of friends in university and the like will choose to move in together and they hang out together, and some will split utilities and things. They stay together until school's done then they'll move away for their careers, or until they find that they want to only live with their romantic partner. I mean, plenty of people live in houses and have roomates.
Also, what you're describing could also just be family. You live with your parents and possibly siblings for a large chunk of your life, and in many cultures people will stay living with the family until they find a partner and raise kids of their own, or even if they do that they'll still have their parents around and look after them as they age.

I've thought this way before myself, have thought about living in a commune of some sort. Hey yeah, I guess communes and stuff still exist, that might fit the description of what you're talking about. You'd probably hve to do some research to find out about these places though, and they probably aren't very many so the city or country you want to live in might not be viable.


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KB8CWB
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04 Jul 2014, 8:07 pm

Sounds like looking for more of a plural type of relationship. Most in society tend to think in black and white. But others are polyamorous and are in relationship with more then one person. This happens way more then people realize and it can be beneficial. Note however this is for only special people who can truly share ALL in relationships and it is not for everyone. One group that comes to mind are fundamentalist Mormons. They have plural marriages and a vast majority are quite happy with the arrangement. Sharing of household duties, child rearing, etc. For the right people it can be quite special and advantageous. Just most of western society are so against it many laws have been passed preventing plural relationships. I never understood that because if all adults in a relationship are happy with it, and the children are doing well then who's business is it anyhow? But since the dawn of time people have been sticking their nose in others relationships. Personally I think it is jealously and/or it offends them for whatever reason. Too damn worried about what someone else is doing when they should pay more attention to themselves.



Callista
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04 Jul 2014, 9:18 pm

Are you looking for polyamory or for a group of friends/roommates?

There's a difference (unless you're asexual, in which case the two situations may look very much the same, perhaps with a bit more cuddling if it's romantic).

You should be aware that polyamory is relatively rare and takes a lot of maturity to pull off successfully (probably more than a two-person relationship), without anyone getting jealous; however, it's not impossible, and I have talked to people who are successfully romantically involved in a group of three, four, or even more. You would face some prejudice because it is considered an alternative lifestyle, but I don't think it would be much worse than what you would get if you were (are?) lesbian or gay.

The idea of living together in a group arrangement without romance is much more common, usually among young people, college age or young professionals who haven't got the money to rent their own apartments or buy their own homes. It is very common in college towns, but it has its own problems. It's much cheaper, and pooling resources can save everyone money, but living in harmony with roommates means finding ways to divide up the housework and making sure everyone has the privacy, space, and accommodations that they need. Roommates have broken up over things as small as a dirty shower or a roommate who keeps eating all the ice cream. Again, it takes maturity to pull off. Do try to get your own bedroom, however small; if I know anything about autistics, it's that practically all of us need privacy to recharge.


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iammaz
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05 Jul 2014, 4:13 am

Someone i was dating suggested this to me. it was not for me.
I was not interested in earning lots of money so other people could just have fun.
good luck. that is not to say that it wont work for you but it will very much depend on you and all the other people involved.



Ectryon
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05 Jul 2014, 9:07 pm

Its all fun and games until you realise they hate you and you have 3 simultaneous divorces to handle.

That said polyamoury does occasionally work if all parties are capable of actually deriving satisfaction from your attentions to the rest of your harem. By this I mean that woman A and C would have to feel a warm glow whenever you shower Woman B with trinkets as opposed to concern that these trinkets happen to be shinier than theirs.


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