At war with my body

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Please excuse the rather melodramatic title. This obviously isn't wholly related to my ASD but I think it is, a bit.

It seems as though ever since my early teens my body has been doing everything it can to make life as hard as possible for me. It clearly isn't and this isn't a very healthy viewpoint but I don't know how else to phrase it.

I'm a big man - 6ft 2in tall and pretty heavily built. The main problems have been the size of my head, hands and feet and there's not a lot I can do about them. My head is so large (63cm) that it's almost impossible to find any kind of a hat. I am profoundly short sighted and have a complex prescription so have been advised not to get contacts- so I am very restricted as to what glasses frames I can wear, I take a size 13 (UK) in a shoe and again these are few and far between. What is available tends to be very expensive, very ugly and really badly made (not an appealing combination). Suit jackets are very hard to find because I have very broad shoulders and long arms.

Buying all of this outsize stuff is depressing and I worry how I will be able to afford it if my income gets reduced.

I've always thought my face was ugly. People have always told me my face is ugly. A school House Master told a school assembly that I looked like Jaws (the James Bond villain, not the shark). When I was going for a psychotherapy appointment, one reception told the other that I looked like Lurch from the Addams Family. The Lurch name has been a common one actually. Naturally I've never been popular with the opposite sex.

I have red hair which I've always hated and I started to develop male pattern baldness at about age 20. Perversely, my body is very hairy, so I look not unlike one of these fellas:



I also perspire quite profusely. I've tried treating this with the more aggressive antiperspirants but they drive my skin crazy.

I sound quite irresistible, don't I? I also have an injury to my lower back which makes me walk a little stooped.

All of the above has rather limited any activities I could take part in: anything that needs footwear, or anything worn over the head or eyes is either off limits or incurs huge extra expense. Anything that would involve me being physically picked up by someone else is out.

It has meant though that people have tried to push a role on my - I was of course forced to play rugby at school and many people since then have tried to get me to join a team. I didn't want to. I hated it. People also constantly told me (only half jokingly) that I should be come a debt collector or a nightclub bouncer, despite the fact that I am a quiet, shy and gentle person - in fact, because I was so big and so timid it just made me even funnier to some people.

It has only been in the last couple of years that I've been aware of Autism and I have begun to wonder if some of what puts people off about my appearance could be due to my body language, facial expression, gait and so on. I guess I'll never know how much is a result of my physical appearance and how much is my mannerisms.

I'm not a trans person but I do feel like I'm trapped in the completely wrong body. I keep myself very smart and neat and clean but I've never been able to be fashionable or sexy (and I'm too old for either now).

I'm sorry. I guess that all of my woes could be grouped under "First World Problems" and I know that there are an awful lot of people with far worse medical issues who would love to be in my position. I just needed to vent. I saw a photo of myself earlier and that always brings me down.

Firstly, I'm sorry to see you're feeling so down about yourself. I often feel really bad about myself too and it's not a nice feeling. I just want you to know you're not alone in struggling with negative self-view and low self esteem.

I have several cousins who are taller than you with bigger shoe sizes and they are all quite fashionably dressed, so it is possible to find things in larger sizes. What type of style do you like? What sort of hats are you looking for? What sort of activities would you like to take part in but find you struggle to find the right clothing for? If you have similar taste, or lifestyles interests then I'm happy to ask my cousins where they purchase their things.

Also, there is no age limit on being stylish, fashionable or attractive to somebody - Think of all the older gentlemen in the entertainment and fashion industries who are very well put together and respected for their style! There is absolutely still an opportunity for you to find your style and feel better about yourself. Don't give up hope, please. Which age group do you fit into? I'm sure there are some role models for your body type and age. Have a look online. If your hair is still red then you can't be that old!

Have you thought about either learning to sew or finding a good tailor or seamstress to help make things for you? It doesn't always have to be expensive. I have a difficult figure to fit off the rack myself but I can sew so I can adjust things or make them from scratch. If I'm not confident doing it myself then I can ask family members to help as several of them are very good at sewing. I also have quite long (but slender) feet for a woman so find the internet very good for finding shoes I like in my size.

Lastly, red hair is great! I'm only slightly biased by my own hair colour. I'll leave you to guess what that might be.

There is a guy who is a member of the ranch. His name is Lauren, but everyone but myself calls him Lurch. He says it doesn;t bother him, but I still won't call him that. When I first read your post, until I found a few clues in what you wrote, I thought you might be him.

Just today, I was visiting with Lauren [and another guy] at the pool. I have known Lauren for many years,but it was only today that I thought that if I were a lot younger and single, that I would be pursuing him like crazy.

There are stretchy hats, and 2 of my grand kids have feet too large to buy shoes from a regular store. Their dad is constantly hitting us up for money for all sorts of things, but never for the kids shoes, so I assume they have found a reasonably priced source. If you want, I can find out.

As far as being stylish, at 59, I feel I am not too old. My mom is in her late eighties and always stylish as well. The secret is to dress in classic styles rather than trying to dress young.

My grandsons have assured me [not that I wanted to know this. These are my grandbabies for goodness sake. i really don't want to know this] that there are a multitude of women wanting to find out if the rumor about big feet is true.

I would not be surprised at all if that's the case. Not just because of being autistic, but because how you feel about yourself and how you see yourself has a lot to do with how you come across to people. The more worth and value you see in yourself, the more it will come across in how you carry yourself. I know it's one hell of a catch 22, when you are already down on yourself, but you've got to find something about your body that you can appreciate.

If anyone says you are ugly, they are the one being ugly. What a rotten thing to say. But I don't see anything wrong with looking like Jaws, or Lurch! I think that's kind of cool. I would take pride in it.

Hey, I hear ya on this. I feel the same way about my body as well since I'm like a head shorter than my grandma. (started puberty when I was 6 or 7 years old) and have to lose like 80 pounds beyond my 'set point' to get to a correct BMI.

But here's the thing. There are some steps that you can take, to help with your body image. For example for me dieting and cardio is a major thing. If you feel that you are not only tall but large you can do some cardio and it will make you thinner, which reduces overall bulk. Like I've noticed guys who are skinnier yet tall look smaller overall. Eating less carbs and sticking to a 2000 calorie diet is a good idea.

They say that, nobody is ugly it's about how you dress and style yourself. One good step to take is exercise, as well as various shaving techniques. I also have an issue with body hair and use a lotion that contains Capislow (a substance to reduce body hair) after shaving. If there is a big and tall store near you make sure to check it out to see if there's anything cool there.

For a guy I would recommend getting clippers also known as a manscaper, and trimming your body hair. Not shaving because sometimes shaving looks unnatural. Then using a Capislow lotion to reduce density of body hair. If you are dissatisfied with your hair color I am as well and got some highlights. If you would like to tone down the redness of your hair one good option is to try Just For Men hair color in medium to dark blonde, like leave it on for half the recommended time to have a subtle shade, get the ash shade so that it gets rid of brassiness. Another thing to do as a guy, is to kind of groom your eyebrows. Use the clippers as well as groom your hair as well as eyebrows with a lite hairgel.