"Stop Doing That; You Look Ridiculous"

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Ah, the catch-cry of my youth that has followed me into middle-age.

When I start 'stimming' in public; when I forgo all sense of 'social etiquette' if the situation calls for it; when I start acting like a a child to accentuate the childish; when I invent my own 'sensory aids' just to help me get through the day...

'Who the heck needs to wear sunglasses at night?' they say....I mean, it was 'cool' back in the '80's and even had a song named after the practice.

'Who wears earmuffs in summer?' It depends on how noisy it is and how much I cannot stand things being inside my ear canal...duh!

Who just invested in a pair of binoculars to narrow down my field of vision, so that extraneous visual stimuli doesn't totally overwhelm me to the point of selective blindness ('forest for the trees' syndrome) - I don't know how many of you Aspies suffer with this, when what you are looking for is right, damn in front of you and you cannot 'see' it because you are too busy being distracted by other things that are also 'right in front of you'.

Picking out a single face in a crowded shopping centre? forget it!

...and people say 'why didn't you see me? I was standing here all the time?' I mean, they should have seen me right? lol

Anyway, taking out a pair of binoculars to find your mother in a crowded shopping mall when you get separated/lost? totally ridiculous, but hey, it works for me!

I never go anywhere without my backpack full of little 'utilities' and among them are binoculars (now), a small strap-on LED head torch, some rubber thimbles (for more grip on 'clumsy days'), my bottle of hand sanitiser, my face mask infused with lavender oil, my dark welding goggles, a pair of thongs...

Just small things I have found over the years that can make my existence a bit more comfortable and ease my suffering to some extent.

I gave up caring what others thought about my appearance years ago...I mean, I could not afford to do that and remain in any degree of comfort whatsoever. Why should I sacrifice my own remedial therapies, if others are only concerned with the shallow appearance thereof?

My parents are one of those; 'what will other people think?' 'what will the neighbours say?' 'How you look and behave is all that matters'...I got raised like that, but I could never, ever live like that.

Many people live like that...

Women getting around in 8" stilettos, I mean, wtf? I would trip arse over tit...but anyway...

My family are those who make it a point of pointing out other people's physical defects and characteristics and it pisses me off...as it would...

'Oh look at that really obese chick over there...' 'why do people dye their hair blue, it's stupid?' 'why do men have those huge holes in their earlobes...look at him...just looook, how totally ridiculous is that?' and on...and on it goes ad nauseum.

I'm like "look around, mum and dad, do you see anybody else rudely staring and giving a damn? so why does it bother you if I wear sunglasses indoors after you've see all that? I am not on drugs, I don't have a hangover, I am not 15yrs old anymore..."

My family is still stuck in the friggin' 50's and as soon as I get overwhelmed and start rocking, it's like 'knock it off! you're not a baby anymore'.

As soon as I start 'misbehaving in public' it's 'stop doing that, you look ridiculous'...and now I quip 'ridiculous to you because I don't care how I look'.

Then they say 'well, we do, so have some consideration for the fact you may be embarrassing us if you don't care about yourself'.

Oh dear lord...

I'm almost 50 now and they still don't 'get it'. They don't get the fact that I am almost 50 now...I think I have reached the (st)age where I get to do what I bloody want and any problem they got with that is just that...their problem, not mine.

Sometimes, NTs cannot understand that we just cannot help 'doing that' no matter how 'ridiculous' it makes us look....we know...we KNOW! so don't rub it in. If we could just stop 'doing that' we would, trust me.

Thank you for reading.

I remember the "sunglasses" song from the 1980s.

Hello! I'm new here, but your post makes total sense in the argument why should our individual actions have any bearing on others!
I find having things to fiddle with majorly helpful.
I've been told on numerous occasions at work 'why can't you be normal' or 'why do you seem so edgy or nervous' 'why do you speak so fast'

It's tiring at times

My mum is relentlessly normal and she points out peoples' differences in a negative manner. She says things like "Oh my god! Those guys look like they stepped out of the Eighties!" "Look at the colour of that person's hair! It's ridiculous!" "Look at what that woman is wearing! Some people will wear anything!" "Listen to that person's accent!" mocking their accent afterwards. "It's fun to remember things from the past that you like, but you've got to live in the present!" - well she hasn't said that for nearly two years, but things could also change.

I just remembered an incident that happened about two years ago as the most simple example of this.

It was the Easter holidays and I was taking my mother out shopping to the city plaza.

I'd just had a rough few days and was feeling rather emotionally drained and shattered. I was frustrated, touchy, angry and ready to explode into total meltdown at any moment.

Being the busy school holidays, not being able to find a close parking space, having to 'compete' with other humans for limited resources (which I hate and I would be the very first victim in 'Survivor'), my awareness just got lost in the throbbing sea of humanity, jostling me and stinking of their sweat and cheap perfume...I was on the brink of losing it and having a 'hissy-fit' right there and then.

Then, I saw it...in the middle of the shopping centre...there was a....petting zoo full of baby farm animals...baby lambs, calves, piglets, goats, ducklings etc etc

I mentally 'pulled myself together' and started to make a b-line straight for it, mother in tow with a 'what on earth are you doing? where are you going? speak to me...for god's sake...just SPEAK TO ME!'

When she realised what I was up to, it was 'oh no you don't...you're not going to do what I think you are going to do...that is for CHILDREN...little KIDS you are too old to go in there...grow UP! just GROW UP! I will not let you go in there...I FORBID IT'.

I totally ignored her and walked over to the lady who was running the whole shebang with a "I'm sorry to bother you, but I have a question. Is this petting zoo for children only? You see, I've had a rough day and I don't own any pets...nobody wants to talk to me and I feel lonely...I could really do with some 'cuteness' right now, honestly".

She laughed and said "I know what you mean. School holidays can be a real nightmare, can't they? I've had days like that and the baby animals are so adorable. Go right ahead and take as much time as you need. I'll be here if you need help".

So, I went inside, found a baby lamb who offered to use his wool as a tissue, I buried my face into it and just bawled my eyes out for about 5 minutes.

After that, I was perfectly fine and carried out the rest of the shopping trip as per usual (despite the fact my mother didn't speak to me for the next 3 days).

Your mother should "get a life," frankly.

Beautiful story about the lamb!

Hmmm binoculars. You know I have never thought of that! Wat a great idea!! It might help with my faceblindness

I never thought of it either, until I continually had problems finding my car in a crowded parking lot (even though I remembered where I parked it), finding a marble on a pebble driveway (oh god, why must thou test me?) and no my dear friend, do NOT ask me to play 'Where's Wally' and then make fun of me...no fair! lol

Nah, it was getting beyond the point of frustration where I had to visually isolate 'one' from the 'many'.

At close range, I seemed to have no problems with it (unless I am sorting beads or something...I mean thinking I could ever sort beads or something).lol...but close-range and mid-range seemed to be fine depending on the size of the items (items on a supermarket shelf are a nightmare and I have to go up close and read the labels and I'm not necessarily all that shortsighted -just a little bit).

I thought about horses at the race-track and how trainers put 'blinkers' on them to narrow their field of vision, stop them getting too distracted by things 'out of the corner of their eyes' and allowed them to see...to focus on the track.

I walked around for a while putting the sides of my hands up against the corner of my eyes and I immediately noticed an improvement...but the objects all still appeared much further away than they all actually were and the perceptual distortion was still there.

So, I thought again...'now, how do I limit my field of view to only the area in front of me that I want to look at...and not only that, but bring objects closer to my eyes within that area I want to look at?'

A telescope was totally out of the question. lol

So, I came up with the idea of using binoculars and screw how 'stupid' it looks using them for everyday purposes like these.

Last edited by SoMissunderstood on 19 Jun 2014, 10:00 am, edited 1 time in total.

How lovely about the petting zoo. I would have loved to find this in a shopping centre shopping centre are not nice places so this would have been a welcome distraction and I would have reacted the same way to it

Who cares about being like other people, be yourself and feel good about it.

I can soooo relate to your post, MissUnderstood....I have a stepmother who is judgmental to the point of ridiculousness. She makes unsolicited comments about a family member who is convinced she has a calling as a masseuse ("SIIIIIGGGHHH, with her talent/brains, she should have gone to college")....the fact that it's taking me longer than four years to graduate from college ("SIIIIIGGGHHHH, I don't know if you're EVER going to graduate")....the fact that I'm overweight ("You better start losing weight, Coupe, I'm not kidding") etc, etc. You get the idea. It's gotten to where it doesn't bother me that much anymore; although if she would just get it through her head that she simply cannot tailor the world (or ME) to her specifications and just STFU, that would be fabulous. Not gonna happen, but it would still be fabulous. I've learned to just let her throw her little hissy fits and just carry on as normal.

I guess I should appreciate my mother more. I'm 39 and she is almost 60. If there was a petting zoo at our mall she would go in it with me (or by herself even if I wasn't there).

She went with me the time I was in an unofficial Yugioh tournament at the mall and it didn't bother her that I was the only adult and the only female in the tournament. I was like Mai in the Duelist Kingdom tournament.

So, I think you should live your life the way you want to. It's not your Mom's or anybody else's business if you use these tools to aid you. People are far more accepting of what are viewed as eccentricities these days anyway. She needs to stop fussing. I dont think parents ever get over this though; my Mom only communicates to me by telling me what to do.

Oh dear, you just had to take it there. lol

All I got was; 'why do you waste good money on cardboard? you might as well just throw it away' ....you should find a hobby more appropriate for your age and gender'.....'yugi-whatevers is so stupid'.

Yeah, just gimme your Millennium Ring so I can send them all to the Shadow Realm now...oh wai, that's my Millennium Ring...give it back.lol

Anyway, I do enjoy Yugioh too and I used to get hassled for it, but after playing it for 11 years now, I think she realises she ain't gonna change me, so now nobody ever mentions it now and it's better that way..

....but yeah, she's really judgmental..

....sometimes I wonder whether my 'illness' is caused by 'nature' or 'nuture' as both my parents are a bit 'weird'.

Thanks for all the replies, I've been reading them.

Last edited by SoMissunderstood on 19 Jun 2014, 11:01 am, edited 1 time in total.

The story about the petting zoo warmed my heart.

Easy bro, that's just a "don't eat the cookies, cuz I might become fat"-problem. If other people's bullshite is more important to them than your well being, tell them to go fug themselfs. One big hint, if you are an legal adult, any association with people is by choice.