No desire for a relationship

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I have no desire for a relationship, I've never dated and am still a virgin. I do feel sexual attraction, but the idea of being intimate or having a relationship doesn't appeal to me at all.

Normally, it doesn't bother me, but today someone in work was giving me a hard time, basically saying I need to settle down and have kids otherwise I'd die alone in a care home. Her reaction upset me.

Do other people with AS feel this way or is it just me?

Neh, you aint the only one.

I tend to think this way as well.

I wouldnt worry about it. If others have a problem with it? Well, it's THEIR problem, not yours. Dont let what others think of it bother you.

I feel the exact same way as you Wblastyn. I find relationships pointless.

There is nothing wrong with that. With or without romance, life can be full of friendships, adventures, and lessons to be learned. If people tell you that this is not right and that you will be unhappy, they are rushing you. I personally think that people who do that kind of thing are narrow-minded and immature.

I can relate to that. People have pitied me for never having a boyfriend, even though I am quite happy. For goodness sakes!

Another thing that has happened before is guys being so desperate for me to be in love with them that they would sometimes act creepy, and at other times act like children.

My last was in 2003. I haven't sought one out since then.

I had two relationships, each of ½ year durance, when I was 18-19. I was releaved, when they ended - and I´ve never had or wanted one since.
Yes. I´ve been gravely adviced to have relationships....."Otherwise I could get lonely".
I never felt anything of the kind.

Lol "I never felt anything of the kind." That made me laugh for some reason, thanks!

I feel like people who say I should get married and have kids (I'm also gay, so that's not gonna happen) are projecting their own fears/desires onto me. They're afraid of being lonely/dying alone but that doesn't necessarily mean I am too. Well I do worry a little about what will happen to me when my parents die and my friends get married. But for now I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything, it just feels like something "other people do".

I have a friend who's desperate to find "the one" and is terrified of being alone. I'm actually kinda glad I don't (usually) worry about things like that.

For the record, gay people can totally get married and have children. Well, they will be able to, once our various governments get their heads out of their respective posteriors, anyway, and let them get married and adopt kids.

Not wanting romance is not exclusive to the autism spectrum. Some neurotypicals don't like romance, either.

It's kind of like the flip side of asexuality--Instead of being romantic asexual (don't like sex, but do like romance--about 4/5ths of asexuals are this way), you're aromantic sexual (don't like romance, but do like sex).

This does make you just about as incompatible with most people as an asexual person is... you'd need to find other people who want just sex, and no romance, in order to avoid leading someone on.

Being asexual, I don't really see the point of sex without a personal connection... it makes me think of a cat in heat, just having sex because that's what the hormones say. So, I guess I can't really understand why you want to have sex but don't want a relationship, but I know it's within the scope of human sexual behavior--I may not get it, but it does exist. Just please be responsible--just because you don't want a relationship, doesn't mean you don't still have to worry about using protection and being respectful of whoever you happen to hook up with, or become friends-with-benefits with, or whatever.

Nah, I don't have such desires either, not even much in terms of attractions at all.

Just an elaborate Bisexual and Yiffy thoughts for my own amusement. :p

I didnt start dating and lost my virginity at 22, which I thought was late at the time. It was mainly because I was very shy and awkward and didn't know how to ask someone out or start a conversation, and I tried to talk to friends to get tips on what to do, but it just didn't work for me so I relied on having others I knew fix me up with someone, which didn't always work. I was attracted and interested, just didn't know what to do to make it happen!

Relationships never interested me either, when I was a teen if anyone asked me what I wanted to be when I was older I said "An Old maid" haha I would be classed that now I'm 50.

I've never heard of Asexual before but on the project the other night there were two people that were talking about it I can't remember if they said they felt revolted when there was too much sex in books but I know I feel if I come across any in books.

I don't feel any desire to be in a romantic relationship. I was never in such a relationship and I hope I never will be. There are too many stupid rules in a relationship and I feel that the roles that each partner have to fill are also stupid.

Aunts Uncles and even a friend are always telling me I need to hook up I need to go out on a date. Hell, even my father told me he wouldn't care if I went out with another guy just as long as I am happy in life... What people don't realize is that I AM happy I am happy just being by my self! living life by my self not having to worry about another person having my own hours doing what I want. The only person whom "gets it" is my brother and he never pushes me one way or another.

Come the time I should want some companionship I'll adopt a Dachshund.

I have no desire for a relationship either. Am now a happy old maid / virgin, 36 years.

As for getting lonely or dying alone: if you live in a care home, you don't die alone, do you??

And what's up with that rigid(!) thought that when you get old, you can only have your own children as company? As if you get kids only for entertainment when you get old?? That's quite a responsibility to put on a child. That they should be their parents' one and only company when the parents get old. As if it was the only purpose they were born.
And what about the just as rigid(!) idea that you can't get new friends just because you have reached a certain age??

However, having children is not a guarantee either. Lots of old people are lonely although they have children, because the children don't visit them.

I had an old aunt who never married or had children. But she did have a big social network and was not lonely.

So it's not as black and white as that.

I used to ''window shop'' a lot, but whenever a man actually wanted to date me I would back away because I couldn't deal with the pressure. He would keep sending me sweet texts and I would feel compelled to reply back the same and I would feel smothered. But now I feel more up for a relationship, but everybody I know are married or aren't my type, so I'm still waiting.

Labour of Love - The Kinks

Marriage is a two-headed transplant
Sometimes that's how it seems
When the sex wears off, it's all give and take
And it's goodbye to all your dreams

One head wants to go to a movie
While the other wants to stay at home
And just like a two-headed transplant
You get the feeling that you're never alone

Mr. and Mrs. Horrible are an example of what I say
They used to be so in love, now they fight so much
That they've frightened all their friends away

They never get visits from neighbors
They've alienated everyone
And what started off as all cuddles and kisses
Has finally become

A labour of love, labour of love
The torment, the worry and woe
Love's full of fears, bruises and tears
That's the way that a true love grows

It's a labour of love, labour of love
It's a struggle without a doubt
But if they keep on trying, screaming and crying
Somehow they're gonna work it all out

It turned into a two-headed transplant
But it started off with, 'Here Comes The Bride'
But cut off one of the heads and you'll soon find out
That the other just couldn't survive

Because they couldn't stand to be separated
They still each other's to have and hold
Anyone who thinks the transplant is easy
Really ought to be told

It's a labour of love, labour of love
The torments, the worries and whoas
The battles, the fights, the bruises and bites
That's the way that a true love grows

They took the vows for better or worse
And they had it blessed by heaven above
But what started so brightly as a tender romance
Turned into a labour of love, turned into a labour of love