To meltdown or not meltdown

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I was in the most interesting conversation with an Aspie mum in the waiting room while my daughter was having her session with her therapist/

We were comparing aspie notes and traits with her 4 children on the spectrum, herself included.

She was surprised that my daughter does not have meltdowns. I was thinking if she internalised her meltdown, wouldn't that be more damaging?

Can she still be aspie, if she doesn't do meltdowns, she has a lot of other traits that say yes to being on the spectrum.

Having meltdowns seems to be a release and a lot healthier, than if she is having them internally.

My daughter sings adds a million times over, each day and flaps like no tomorrow.

So would the above be her release instead of her having a meltdown?

The lady in the waiting room had a surprise baby 5 months old sitting on her lap, and she is wondering. In her words,

'Oh no what if this one is NT, because her whole family is so comfortable and familiar with being aspie and on the spectrum.

This is all her and her family have known, and it seems so normal for them.

A meltdown is a response to stress, manifested differently by different people. And some people more shutdown than meltdown. Never thought of one as better.

If things are not too confusing and overwhelming in life this aspect may be so mild it fades into normal childhood reactions.

Perhaps you are just rising your daughter the right way.

From what I know I experienced meltdowns very often at home and sometimes at school but never in my grandma house when I was with her alone.

This was because the life with my grandma was predictable, there was not many changes and she understood my needs, set a routine for me and was telling me about the changes in advance, explaining everything to me logically.
All what my parents were doing was telling me "You are a child so shut up and listen to us, you spoiled brat. We are your parents, we know better what is good for you."(I was undiagnosed, Asperger was unknown when I was a child so I was just "a spoiled brat".) and dragging me to unexpected situations I couldn't understand. No wonder it was causing meltdowns when I was under their care.

I like your grandma.

I was under the impression you don't control the meltdown, the meltdown controls you.

About my only defense is to get out of the situation that is causing it, which of course could be pretty hard if you are a kid and you HAVE to be some place like school.

I do more of a shutdown, or sometimes I go into an "all is hopeless"mode, which I guess is a form of meltdown, I start crying.