Do we really have it that bad?

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Do people with asperger's syndrome have it harder than people who don't? There seems to be this idea among Neurotypicals that everyone has their own problems, and that people who have AS and complain about it are just being dramatic.

This is how I look at it. People with AS by definition are unable or less able to send and receive nonverbal communication. Scientists tell us that 90 percent of our communication is nonverbal. This means that people with AS have only approximately 10 percent of the ability to communicate as NTs. Such a handicap makes many normal aspects of life such as making friends, forming relationships, doing well in school, and finding employment exceedingly and often prohibitively difficult.

Everyone likes to consider themselves independent. However, intuitively I think we all know that happiness is largely based on our ability to be excepted and loved by other human beings. Since AS makes this difficult or impossible, I think this one area is probably the worst part about having AS.

For these reasons, I don't think it is unreasonable for some of us to say that we got the short end of the stick.

It depends on the Aspie; it depends on the NT.

Are you dead? No, so you have it better than most humans on earth.

This is a big problem for me too. My lack of acceptance by others has forced me to become somewhat of a lone wolf. It's not what I wanted, but I try to make the best of it.

It is ironic that society wants us to comply with social norms, but even when we do we are not accepted. So screw it, either way I'm not accepted, so why go to the bother of trying to comply?

I don't!

But, my physical-disabilities pain is moderate where my Aspie severity is usually mild. So, my attention is focused on my pain, not my AS. By comparison, my AS is almost always interesting and fun. I couldn't say that it is making my life more difficult.

Still, I understand that, for those with greater severity and the absence of other disabilities, others might have much more difficulty than I do. On the rare occasions when my severity gets worse (sensory overload), I experience a little of what it must be like to always worry about it.

True. I have challenges, but also a safe and comfortable life compared to so many others.

I think that we have it both worse and better than NT's. We have it worse because we are not so good with interactions with others, but we also have it better because we think differently, we are more logical and we don't require others for sustenance and interaction. So I would say... both.

Agree. =)



There are many people with AS that don't need social interaction or love to maintain happiness, which I would presume to be advantageous. Needing it though, as in your case, would be very painful.

Hi Coolguy.

This is the "exact" question I asked myself at the end of second grade. It was in the beginning of 1951, we just moved, I had NO friends, I was always fighting with bullies (bullying was much more physical in those days). But the "kicker" was they had just discovered I couldn't see the big "E" at the top of the eye chart and now I had a pair of (ugly) glasses and I could see like the other kids and not hide my head in class and maybe even make friends.

But it didn't work that way. The ONLY difference was now the bullies could break my glasses (at least they derived a social benefit). And by the end of the second grade I knew things were going to be this way for the rest of my life.

Starting then at age 7, I decided I wouldn't study or work on anything unless I liked it and wanted to do it. In school my grades were about a "C", I wouldn't turn in homework or read assignments (or books, unless they appealed to me) and I studied only to fill the need created by a love of learning (my things, my way). Every year they told my parents the same thing: "...he just won't apply himself."

Is THIS what you meant Mr. Coolguy? I'll bet it's close.

But then something changed. At 18 I met my future wife; the one person who could see the inner me. And after a few years we had children.

And I'll tell you what, Mr. Coolguy: If I'd known there was a possibility that I would meet such a person and be blessed with two beautiful children I'd have been a conforming "whirlwind." But I didn't know there was a possibility of future happiness and I knew nothing of love (only what I'd read) and the possibility of having children had never entered my mind. Life could have been much better and smoother for our family.

I hope my error illustrates what can happen when you make life changing decisions.

My suggestion??? Wait until you're at least as old as I am before making decisions it's hard or impossible to take back.

Well technically speaking in a sense yes, considering aspergers syndrome is a disorder....that means it has to impair functioning in some way, meaning someone without autism is not going to have the same difficulties as someone with it. However there are lots of factors in life that determine how hard or easy over all someone has it in life so it is possible someone with aspergers could have it better than a neurotypical, but not as likely considering they don't have the autism related difficulties....also though neurotypicals can develop mental illnesses(though not sure they'd still be nuerotypical when that happens not entirely sure my opinion on that.

Actually there are plenty of people on the spectrum that do require others for that or find themselves very lonely and sad, and you can't interact with someone without there being someone there to interact with so anyone would require others for interaction.

Also I have yet to see any substantial evidence aspies are measurably more logical than people without aspergers syndrome...I think its more we have more difficulties expressing emotions/empathy and tend to go on using somewhat technical sounding language about topics we've developed special interests in so might come off as being more 'logical' minded but we still get affected by emotions and have emotional rather than logical reactions to things...

Yes, people with ASD have it harder then NTs. That is all else being equal, ASD will present many challenges and difficulties NTs do not automatically have to face.

Individual circumstances can alter the equation of course. An NT that has polio for instance, or a set of unfortunate circumstances, etc, but that is on a case by case basis.

I think the main reason an NT would consider it complaining, is that our disability is invisible (unlike a missing limb for instance) and we are capable of most everything they are. They just don't see the obstacles and mental distress we face on a daily if not hourly, or even minute by minute basis.

OK, my mistake.. perhaps I should have said that for me, these things are true. So for me, it is both worse and better. Not necessarily for others.. but since we are not all the same, then some will be the same as me and others will be different.

This sounds about right for me as well. While we all need some type of interaction, even if it's just online, I seem more capable of emotional substitution than others. Emotional substitution is any kind of indirect relationship or real relationship that requires less interaction than normal for a person to be happy with. An example is feeling like TV characters or the people who play them are friends. Or when I've had crushes I was happy if they smiled at me and over the moon if they hugged me. I didn't need to date them to be content.

Whether this has anything to do with Asperger's or is simply a result of being bad at human interaction is hard to say. For me being around people is difficult. I always disappoint them. Then I'm upset at myself for it. But while most can say that logically emotional substitution is an easier road they would still be unsatisfied with it. Although emotional substitution may not "complete me" it seems to come vastly closer to doing that than it does for others.

I can only guess at whether or not I have it "all that bad."

I had to go into the world of work for many long years, and my special difficulties as an undiagnosed Aspie (and a diagnosed one, later) did rather mess up my sense of well-being. Even now I've escaped, I'm still haunted by irrational anxieties about having too much to do and being likely to fail to deliver.

Socially, I've never quite hit rock bottom and had zero friends, but it gets pretty damned close to that sometimes, and as I'm one of those Aspies who needs people, the loneliness can be quite depressing. Relationships have until recently been a complete mess for me, and even now when I finally have an excellent relationship, a partner can't be expected to meet all your social needs.

Executive disfunction has also taken its toll. I just wish my brain would work better and see the overview instead of glueing itself to the first insignificant detail that comes along. I'm intelligent and capable of very good work, but there's something in that brain-box of mine that just doesn't make the grade, and I feel the anguish of that practically every day.

But there are worse things than AS. I wouldn't lightly swap my lot for anybody else's. I don't see myself as more miserable than the average Joe.