Autism and Friendships

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How does autism affect friendships in terms of functioning levels, trait combinations or otherwise?

I literally cannot form cohesive thoughts concerning autism and friendships.

I have observed 'types' of psychological process regarding friendships, where lower functioning is typically associated with a more complete disinterest with social encounters and/or people in general. I want people to disagree with what I'm about to post, so that my knowledge can expand. I will be leaving out observations so please don't assume I'm being hostile and jump on what I write or anything like that - I don't aim to offend or pigeonhole anybody. I will also be ignoring the factors of introversion and extroversion, as they're irrelevant in this context.

I'm going to make my this as clear as I can, and will attempt to condense everything into three primary types:


--------TYPE 1--------

+ Tends to develop friendships just as anyone without autism would, bar the intimacy due to alexithymia.

- Will often miss friends.
- Will like to socialize, though to a lower degree than average.
- Mildly capable of attachment.

--------------------------------

--------TYPE 2--------

+ Tends to develop superficial friendships where friends are better considered 'tools' for survival or information transfer rather than for connection.

- May have friends, but not miss or truly like any (lack of reciprocation).
- Will despise socializing, and as a result only attend social functions because they 'have to', or because the activity enjoyment compensates for the annoyance.
- Incapable of attachment and so love is near absent or at least rarely felt and expressed.

--------------------------------

--------TYPE 3--------

+ An almost entire, or complete lack of interest in social interaction and other people in general.

- May have 'friends', but if they vanished from the Earth, the autistic individual would not be affected at all.
- Will rarely socialize, if at all.
- People are seen as objects or background information.

--------------------------------

TL;DR - If you have autism, how do you think/feel about your friendships? I pose the same question for any non-autistic individuals out there, NT, ADHD and anyone else. Please specify!

I believe I'm somewhere between Type I and Type II.

I rarely "miss" people per se, but I do keep in contact with people, and feel pleasure during that contact.

I don't really like hanging out with groups of people, though I've gotten better at adjusting to these situations. I would say I feel more pleasure in observing the interaction than in interacting myself. I like to listen to discussions--because I frequently learn something from them. If I feel I could contribute in some way, I try to do so--though it's been known to come out somewhat awkward.

The one thing I hate is "talking about relationships." I just like to be involved in a relationship, doing things, talking about things, without reference to the "nature" of the relationship (unless, of course, concerns arise). Human relations is not an exact science. I don't like to "study" human relations in a macrocosmic sense. I base my assessments on personal anecdote, which pertain to actual, not hypothetical, situations. If I were in school, and had to comment on research, articles, etc., I would do so, but only because I'm required to do so. It doesn't give me pleasure, otherwise.

I'm a "go with the flow" kind of guy.

I am pretty much Type II.

-I like people for what they do not because they just "are". I rarely miss someone unless I have a need that can only be fulfilled with them. I can go months any contact with friends and still consider them my friends.
-I don't understand the whole "having someone to talk to" idea and I tend to met with friends only when they make me to, it is the best thing to do or the activity I want to attend is just better when you have a company.
-I can fall in love but it is needs related. Even if I show affection to my loved one it is because I feel the need to do so, not because they want me to.

I feel like a mix of type 1 and 2 too and also relate with what you said.
I kinda like to be with people but i can't spend too much time with them because at some point my mind gets too tired, especially if there are more than two persons on the group.
About missing other people... I'm not so sure how that is for me. I've spent years of my life without missing anyone (and my social contact during that time was basically just my family) but there are some times that i remember of someone and feel kinda sad if the person is not around me. I think this is what they call "missing someone". lol
From a general point of view i could say that i don't "miss" anyone, but there are times that i do.

I would say I am between II and III.... when I was younger, I craved the company of others and could not understand why they all rejected me. As I have gotten older, I have become more unattached and disconnected. Now in my 20's I do not require human contact whatsoever. It is, however, nice when I do find someone that I connect with, but I do not push it or seek others for my own need. If someone wants to talk to me, then I am friendly and engage them but do not seek others out and badger them until they become my friend. I only infodump with people that I know won't get (too) annoyed.

I'd say I'm pretty much Type II.

That said, when I experience a lack of social contact for prolonged periods (which happens a lot more now my husband and I have split up so I don't have his companionship) I do miss it and feel isolated. But it's not enough to make contact with friends to socialise ... which makes my isolation worse. It's a vicious circle.

I guess Type II and III.

These types don't make sense to me.
I am not any of them.

I don't think it's so simple as to create a few categories and slot everyone into them like there are any black and white answers. Everyone's different.

This is expected. I would have replied in similar fashion to a post like my OP (OP = original post if anyone doesn't know).

My intentions with the OP weren't to slot people into categories or anything like that, rather they were to help me explain my sloppy thoughts concerning the topic. The way autistic individuals think about friends and form friendships is markedly different from that of individuals who don't have autism, whether the 'control' individuals have ADHD, are NT or otherwise, and I wish to expand my knowledge regarding this.

If either of you read this reply, I'd be more than happy to read what you think about your friends, and how you think that contrasts with what I originally posted, if you wished to do so.

I don't have thoughts that I can verbalize about friendships.
I can't create these categories or fit people into them.
There are a lot of threads about categories of autism along some dimension, and it seems like a lot of people identify with the categories and easily fit themselves into one or two of them, but they have never made sense to me.

I know what you mean about them not making sense, and I agree with that. As Goldfish posted, it's not black and white; people are far more complicated that one small post could possibly suggest. The only reason I use them is for clarity (I wouldn't be here if I didn't struggle with communication), though perhaps, after reading these posts, they are failing in that regard. I'm not too sure how else I can post though, because generally a wall of text isn't going to be read.

I appreciate your input. I don't mind if you can't verbalize anything about friendships.

I am not in any of your categories.

I have very few friends (only two I consider good friends) and I'd really miss them if they'd disappear from my life.
I used to belong to small social groups (many times it would be me and 3 more girls, sometimes I'd belong to multiple groups at the same time) when I was a teenager and later at the university, but I missed having a best friend who also considered me as his/her best friend. To me, belonging to a social group only satisfies the most superficial social aspect of me, like it looks good ("normal") and you can go out and have fun, but who really cares for you? Who can you be alone and share yourself with? This has been more important for me to find out.

I've become less and less interested in upholding a mask of agreeability and sociability the older I've become, and that has had a profound effect on my social life. I no longer go out to bars and nightclubs. I don't see myself as belonging to a social group (although there might be a social group that considers me a member) and I barely meet any new people. The social interactions I do have seem more fulfilling and I feel more connected than ever to the people I choose to meet. What role the autism diagnosis that I got 2,5 years ago has in this I don't know. The trend started a couple of years earlier, I think.

I've always had autism, but how it's affected my friendships has varied over the years. I think the most clear effect that I attribute directly to the autism is that I've matured intellectually faster than average, and emotionally slower than average, which has made me constantly out of synch with my peers and hard to understand (you sound smart but you act like a baby). Now I'm actually a bit dumber than I was before, but I'm definitely more emotionally mature and also a lot happier.

Last edited by IreneS on 02 Jul 2014, 3:53 pm, edited 1 time in total.

[NT with some ASD-like traits.] I want to socialize less than most people, but I socialize even less than I want. (I try to solve this.) I'd like to have friend(s) (and I have to some extent), not as tools, though I don't enjoy some common forms of socializing. More details in this recent thread about why one has friends.

I am basically a type I but sometimes exhibit traits of type II. I have had significant issues with rejection and still do at times, so I socialize less than I would like at times but do generally socialize and behave socially in a typical manner. I am on the high functioning margins of the spectrum so although I can understand what is going on in a situation, I have difficulties expressing myself clearly, have some subtle body language oddities, some fidgets/stims, the occassional offbeat remark, etc.