Dreading a Wedding

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I have been invited to the wedding of an old University friend of mine and I'm dreading going. It's tomorrow!

Oddly the thing I'm most concerned about is the physical discomfort. I overheat very quickly and perspire excessively. Being dressed up in formal clothes will have me sweltering in minutes. I'm always concerned about how people perceive I look and I will feel ten times worse knowing that I am drenched in sweat.

I haven't worn my suit for years and when I tried it I couldn't get into it any more. That made me more depressed about my appearance. I have a tweed jacket and smart trousers but I will worry that I will stick out dressed like that. I didn't look into hiring a suit because, well partly because I hate wearing them but also because I didn't want to face going into the hire shop and having them say "Oh, we don't have a jacket in yoursize"

I'm worried about the social side of things too. Social situations make me very anxious. I will be going with my girlfriend (who also has the same problems) and we only know one other person who will be going. It strikes me that this is the sort of environment where people will want to show off about their jobs and houses and social status and all of that will make both of us feel bad. My friend has also become religious since I knew him and the church is apparently one of those evangelical places which make me (an atheist) uncomfortable- I'm an Aspie and I'm British! I just don't do the hugging strangers thing.

I accepted the invitation months ago but as the day neared I thought about it and decided I shouldn't go. My girlfriend persuaded me that I should go and I'm kind of committed to it now. Even though she wants me to go I know she will hate it and feel terrified and so I will feel all the time that I need to be looking out for her. I know that she will feel depressed afterwards and, although it sounds uncharitable, I will have to deal with that too. She thinks that if I don't go I will regret it later.

If I don't go I will regret it a bit, not having seen my friend get married. If I do go, however, there is the chance that I will regret it a lot. If it doesn't go perfectly (and I don't see how it can) I will get some more poisonous memories that will swim around inside my head for decades, periodically erupting to the surface with toe-curling intensity.

It's going to be awful

I know when I go to these things I always regret it. I just decline invites to things like this. I used to accept and then come up with an excuse to not show up. But better to just decline in the first place.

I have been to a few. I won't lie. They are a full sensory assault. And yes, formal clothing can get very uncomfortable, especially in hot weather.

I'm going to a wedding in August, and am dreading it for many of the same reasons you describe. (Including having somehow got too fat for what little vaguely formal clothing I own.)

I'm consoling myself with the thought that surely it won't be as bad as I'm imagining, and with the fact that it's in a nice location and I'm going to be staying on for a few days afterwards, when I'll get to actually enjoy myself. But still.

If you're absolutely sure you don't want to go, I'd say don't go. (I can't not go to mine, it's a family thing.) Otherwise, perhaps have an exit strategy so you don't have to stay all day/evening if you or your girlfriend feel uncomfortable?

I feel your pain, I was best man for a brother and that was 20 years ago but I still have the fear inside me from it.
What to do is plan something enjoyable that you and your girlfriend will enjoy the day after and focus on that. Turn up for the wedding, decline religious 'hugging' and such like because I don't think it's compulsory and if you are judged then it is their issue not yours.
Remember too that you can take breaks - often! Go outside as often as you like and get fresh air which will also cool you down. If after some time you really have had enough, it is quite acceptable to feel ill and leave, politely sending a letter of thanks for the lovely day later.

Thanks to everyone who replied. We went to the wedding- well, we went to the actual ceremony and had a glass of champagne afterwards and congratulated the couple and left. We both got very very nervous and I got terribly hot. The actual event, when we got there, really wasn't too bad. No churchy hard sell. It was also a dreadfully empty, meaningless experience. It warmed my heart to see my friend obviously so happy but that was the only emotion I got out of it - the actual service and sermon were completely hollow to me and seemed very production line. Maybe that's a discussion better suited to PPR though.

Attending the event took a lot out of both of us and I was exhausted when I set off for home. And then this happened