Are you sensitive to conflict?

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I've been noticing lately that I think I'm more sensitive to things like arguments and confrontations than most people are. Some of my family members spend a lot of time bickering with each other, and when they do it seems like it bothers me a lot more than it bothers them. When they start arguing, I get really tense and upset and so anxious I can't focus on anything else. Sometimes I end up feeling upset for hours afterwards, but the people actually arguing will go back to doing something else or talking like they're not bothered at all. I've talked about this with my therapist, and she always asks things like, "What are you afraid is going to happen?" But I'm not worried about something else happening; it's just the conflict itself that feels almost physically painful to me.

So I'm wondering - are people on the spectrum more sensitive to conflict like this? Has anyone else had similar experiences?

Oh, I've always been very sensitive to conflicts and arguments and them at all cost. They fill with with such a feeling of anxiety, that it takes me awhile to recharge afterwards.

People on the spectrum may well be prone to conflict sensitivity, but I do know quite a few NTs who feel that way, as well.

Yup. Conflict sets off "fight, flight, or freeze." Immediately.

It does not help that the majority of my education has been that, in any conflict, I am automatically in the wrong.

If I give ground, I am a doormat. If I stand my ground with less than perfect tact and skill, I am a self-serving domineering autistic b***h.

I have learned to avoid conflict, to the greatest extent possible, by ranking everyone in the room according to priority. Priority One is my husband-- I must ALWAYS and INSTANTLY agree with whatever he says. Priority Two is my mother-in-law. She must be agreed with, unless to do so would mean disagreeing with my husband. Priority Three is my uncle. Priority Four are his kids, and Priority Five are their spouses.

I hate being spineless. I have sold my self, my values, my parents, and my soul. I feel as if I am not, actually, really alive, but merely moving and possessed of vital signs. I'm not a person; I am a possession. My husband owns a controlling share, and the other shareholders have stakes in declining order. My ownership stake in myself?? 0.00 percent.

But not as much as I hate being told what a selfish, thoughtless, nasty, uncaring, callous, demanding b***h I am. I cannot bear the thought of making someone else feel the way I do on an almost daily basis.

I avoid conflicts as much as possible. Generally, I don't surround my self with confrontational people. I haven't actually witnessed an argument in a long time. I have had people yell at me for various reason though, , usually saying the rong thong at the wrong time. I get anxiety and freeze or run. My husband has done interference for me in those situations several times.

I've never been good with confrontation, barely able to respond and when I do form words they aren't very coherent and usually I end up in tears and/or having a meltdown.

Yes I'm very sensitive to conflict, and I prefer to avoid it whenever possible. Most of the time I just want to get away from it as quickly as possible. If I feel like I need to take a stand about something, I can be very confrontational and fierce, but it always hurts me to do that and it can take me a long time to get over something like that. It's like I have the strength only long enough to get through it and I collapse as soon as it's over.

This makes me so sad. My adult autistic son never stands up for himself. He's very kind and sensitive and aware but he'll fold so fast during confrontations. Right now he's living with us, safe and loved. Maybe I've protected him too much from the outside world and he's missing out but there are people like you described out there who scare me.
I don't like arguments either and try hard to fix things fast which, sometimes, isn't helpful.

I'm super-sensitive to arguments, confrontation, etc. I've always been that way. My normal reaction is to walk/run away.

As a result my wife and I have had to learn to have calm, non-emotional discussions as opposed to arguments. She got tired of my habit of <exiting stage left>.

I hate confrontation.

I´ve hated confrontations before, but I am getting better, because I have learnt to recognize my anger in the situation.
What I can´t deal with, is people, who takes over! Pushy people.
If I suggest something, and the other goes. "Yes" When? Say a specific time NOW. In an hour?" I freeze completely, because I hadn´t gotten that far, and people usually pressure me on TIME! "OMG", I think, "She´s gonna get mad at me. I can´t do this in an hour", and it was actually my idea to start with.
A neighbor just said, that I make her pis boil with my freezing, but she is very pushy, and I feel, that she puts a pressure on me, whenever I make a suggestion.
Anyone recognize this?

Last edited by Jensen on 04 Jul 2014, 1:34 pm, edited 2 times in total.

I hate conflict and I'm not good at standing up for myself. Usually I just internalize it and don't respond.
Actually I think I have been influenced too much by people who have told me I should stand up for myself when really I would rather just think about it.

I almost have a phobia toward arguments and fights. This is because my mother and father would fight all the time when I was little. Pretty much from when I was 7 years old all the way down to when I was 17, it was just NON STOP FIGHTING pretty much whenever they were together. They didn't give a damn that I was in the same room or the same house. How we all survived it, I do not know. We came pretty near blowing everything up a couple of times.

So, with that in the back of my mind, I avoid fights and arguments like the bubonic plague. I have grown incapable of having arguments with other people, because as soon as it's about to start, I just kind of enter a shutdown mechanism that puts me in this 'avoid' mode, and I don't do the regular back-and-forth that pertains to normal conflicts/confrontations. I hate it I hate it I hate it, and I know that's irrational, but I can't help it. Thank you mom and dad! /sarcasm

I'm like this too. I always feel like and anxious wreak when people are bickering, have their voices raised, and the like, even if they are only joking or telling a story and imitating what someone else said. I always get wound up with any very strong emotions are expressed in someone's voice.

Yes and I hate that I am.

Yes. My whole childhood is tarnished with the memory of my parents fighting.
I now realise my father is on the spectrum and wish I had known what ear defenders or indeed ear plugs were.

YES. I hate it when I see other people fighting, even when it's about something that doesn't involve me at all. It really gets me worked up, and I often feel this sort of "fight or flight" responce where I either have to gtfo or intervene somehow, which usually leads to more trouble for me.

I'm pretty much exactly the same way. I actually remember this one time I was at my cousin's place for Boxing Day or something, and everyone was just insulting one another, telling stupid jokes, and just getting into this really nasty banter, and I was shocked. I seriously thought that everyone was pissed off at each other. On the way back to my grandparent's place, I asked them about it, and they told me that they were just goofing around and that it was normal for them. My god, if that's how the people I lived with "goofed around", I would be out of here faster than a bullet train.

Yes. I hate seeing others fighting, and fighting myself. It freezes me, puts me in a panic mode and makes me feel so incredibly helpless.