Becoming aware of change difficulties after DX

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Ive always thought that I deal with change well, but since going through the DX process and really starting to understand AS fully im realising that I dont. This is odd to me as ive never noticed anything before.

However, ive noticed now that once I establish a routine for myself that IVE instituted change to said routine is uncomfortable. It may be that I never linked the 2 because the reaction isn't intense enough. Also I had alot of change when I was younger which went badly apparently. My mum was also extremely unpredictable so I was exposed early

Even when I crave change its usually something ive planned and thought about for ages beforehand before implementing. The thought of change is unsettling somehow nevertheless. I love stability and continuity very very much. The world is just so chaotic and unpredictable. This is why I love animals and nature. They are steady unchanging and rooted.

Is it realistic to go through life not connecting change to distress and to suddenly have an aha moment when you realise that it does affect you? What could be attributed to this sudden realisation? Could it be increased emotional awareness maybe or is it likely just psychosomatic

TLDR version:
Getting diagnosed makes you think about all this stuff, and you are therefore more sensitive to it and primed to be aware of it.
You will find that things you didn't really think about are part of an autistic pattern and such discovery will continue for some time after diagnosis.

So change: I embrace it in some things and dislike it or resist in others. As I now understand it the way I both embrace and resist change is related to autism.


More detailed version:
Change is a bit of a vague term. But before getting into that:

I think this must vary between individuals, but I wonder how many people have been through what I have been through in the last year: I have learned that I am much worse at a range of social skills than I thought and that my perceptions in this area are really poor, which is why I did not notice before.

I have a cool exterior which masks a lot of confusion and I have an "observe first" approach that often saves me from acting on false interpretations or misperceived situations. This creates the illusion of a more socially functional person, which has served me very well.

I think the diagnostic process and related introspection opens up all this stuff.

Which brings us back to "change."

I rejected all this stuff about resistance to change and rigidity of thought, I thought my open embrace of new ideas an new technology might mean I was neurotypical after all, but then I realized that it wasn't change as in finding a new way to create vector maps for my job, or a new way of visualizing a certain kind of data set. I am all about constant discovery in those areas, and that's great. But I have a strong aversion to sudden changes in plan for the evening or weekend. I don't like to suddenly go to a new town and try a new restaurant. I want to research the route first, Learn the map. form some contingency plans. I want time to prepare for going out. I want time to recover from all the effort of the drive and the people. I can do it, but I need space.

I don't mind eating the same food every day for lunch. I was on a diet and settled on grilled chicken and salad as my standard lunch. People at the office thought it was odd that I had exactly the same thing every day for months on end. Why? I like it and it's good for me--what is there virtue in variety for it's own sake? Apparently there is one for many people.

I have been in the same job for 20 years in an industry where most people change jobs every two to three years.

I met my wife when I was thirteen and we got into a romantic relationship when I was 18 and married when I was 24. I know people who have been through 12 relationships and several marriages in the same time.

Some people move often, thinking of houses as stepping points on a ladder. I would prefer to stay in one good place.

I don't like fashion, I would just wear the same few shirts and trousers for ever if they didn't wear out and my wife didn't help me look more or less contemporary by choosing stuff for me to wear to the office.

These things are seen as constituting a resistance to change. Even though I embrace new software, new science, new processes, new architectures, this embrace of innovation is only in one part of my mind.

This type of powerful, emotional OMG, WOW!! self discovery is common during and following the diagnostic process. You are finding out ASD is not just some personalty traits, it is a whole way of being that has had an effect on the way you think and do and have done nearly everything. These discoveries do shake you up to your very core.