I've found a way to deal with depression ... I think!

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Hey all,

As most know I've been going through a difficult patch with depression recently.Yesterday I had a full psychiatric workup which lasted about 2 hours. For the first time in my life I opened up about everything. At the end the psychiatrist said I have so many talents that he's not met anyone like me before. He said a mental hospital is not the place for me, and he wants to avoid that at all costs. He's also taken me off all meds that will turn me into a zombie and said he doesn't want to go down that route because it would be a waste of life.

This really made me happy. Someone recognised me. I left the hospital feeling kinda happy.

I told him how much I enjoy computer programming, and my music. He suggested that when I feel low that I record music. So ... I did just that. I got my thoughts down on paper, and recorded - on my iPhone - just a little rap of exactly how I was feeling and the frustration I was going through.

Here it is btw: https://soundcloud.com/gv1uk/freeeeeestyle

He asked me to email anything I do to him. So I emailed him, and he urged me to record this into a full track, which I am doing this weekend. He seemed pretty amazed by it :S

So from now on, that's what I'm doing. When I hit a low patch I am going to record how I feel into a track and rather than bottling it up, I will rap about it. Which seems to be turning a negative into a positive.

I feel happy doing this

He said although I have Aspergers, I have talents that NT's would wish for. He said to stop looking at NT's and wanting to be like them because NT's look at me and likely would love to be like me. Focus on my own talents, and hone in on them. He told me a lot of successful people have Aspergers because they are gifted in ways NT's are not and when used correctly results in very high success. I got goosebumps when he said that because for too long I've tried to be like other people and neglected my own skills.

On another note he's getting me involved in the local Aspergers group to do group sessions, and days out. For the moment I have a daily team that come to see me. I already feel a lot better though and I know feel like I'm on a path to recovery.

Feeling much happier this morning than I have ever felt.

For those that can't hear the rap properly the lyrics are ...

I?ve got this voice in my head, wants me face down flat dead on the buttered side of my bread.
Docs said the trick?s mask the problem, the root cause with the next course of action and more meds.
I?m not convinced. But this stint stinks I?m on the brink of losing the will to live, give it time they said!
But my perception of time is distorted by the deception thats taking place in my mind, morbid!

This is great to hear!


There was another thread recently about special interests. These interests keep us sane. My two special interests are my reason for existence on this strange planet. Without them I would be in misery.

Mate that was pretty sick! You've got some decent rhyming skills there, and I say that as a hip hop fan. Do you rap often?

Glad to hear you are doing well and that you feel positive about your meeting with the psychiatrist.

The above bothered me and I wasn't sure why so I thought about it. I guess because I am someone who does take medication. But it has the opposite effect on me as it allows me to finally get to know the real me (one less effected by the symptoms of autism and depression.)
Now obviously if you don't need medication, you shouldn't take it. But as one who does, I'm a little bothered by the use of the term zombie; which I think is far too culturally acceptable to say in this context.

Anyway, just a personal rant and I am happy things are going well for you.

I used to when I was younger, haven't for years. But decided to start doing it as a way to vent my frustration. I make a lot of beats though.

Hey Jay!

Congrats on your new lease on Life!

I'm glad you found a therapist who is caring.

Keep up with your creative stuff--your music and computers!

Don't be a stranger!

Hey kraftiekortie,

It does feel like a new lease on life and I am so happy somebody is listening to my problems and we're working through them. Never thought I'd start to feel good about myself again lol.

Awesome news and great recording!
You have a really good voice. I'm looking forward to hearing more from you.

I hope someday there is away to clone that psychiatrist because he is really good.