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Pietus
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05 Jul 2014, 6:18 pm

I was wondering if anyone here (On the spectrum) ever feels a little sorry for those poor NT's?

I am diagnosed Aspergers, very happy with it, my entire family is diagnosed with it too (Seriously, my family is proof that ASD is genetic) so we get it.

But I watch NT's out there, and sure, they have lots of friends, and they enjoy going to those awful things they call "parties" and "nightclubs"....but from the outside looking in it's not so great. They walk around in a bit of a stupor, not really having much idea what they're doing or where they're going, and they can be very cruel.

Downright cruel. Aspies can act selfish, but if someone goes through something we have, we (Well I at least) can actually feel like I'm that person (Sometimes I begin to think I am that person, but then I fix my thinking, really). NT's....they say they feel empathy, and when something bad happens they get all: "Oh, my god that's like so terrible!" and act all distraught and empathetic....

But they don't seem to actually understand how that person is feeling.

Does this make any sense?

Anyway, sometimes I feel sorry for them, because they don't make much sense in their lives.

Cheers



seaturtleisland
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05 Jul 2014, 7:00 pm

No way. I don't feel sorry for NTs. They're no worse off than I am. Why should I feel sorry for them?



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05 Jul 2014, 7:21 pm

dont be a hypocrite and pity NTs for being different.
we hate pity for the same reason,and so woud NTs-theres no one size fits all template for neurotypicality either,it depends on a lot of variables like intro/extroversion,upbringing, interests,personality etc.
lots of NTs dont like parties and social stuff.


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05 Jul 2014, 8:19 pm

that's exstremly condescending, and i think its a misconception that you see it that way, there are many Nts who are nothing like what you have described, i think you are describing more airheads :)



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05 Jul 2014, 8:48 pm

I don't, but I think I see what you're getting at---that if one accepts ones differences as part of one and maybe even of value, others are lacing something.

It's not desirable to pity people who don't experience themselves as suffering though. They don't need it, and if they realize, they may behave poorly toward you.



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05 Jul 2014, 10:17 pm

Pietus wrote:
Anyway, sometimes I feel sorry for them, because they don't make much sense in their lives.
Cheers


One of the big misconceptions on WP is that there is a homogeneous group called nuerotypicals or NTs. The truth is there is just as much nuerodiversity among so called NTs (perhaps more?) than among those on the ASD spectrum. With this diversity then there is going to be a variety of people who are happy and believe their lives make sense.

What I do feel sorry is for people who are intolerant and bigoted or prejudiced (You don't have to be NT). If you read some of the posts by a 13 year old WP poster called Ezra about his experiences in a special education. The cruelest people he interacted with were actually his fellow Aspies.



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06 Jul 2014, 3:58 am

I don't because I get bullied by them!


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06 Jul 2014, 7:05 am

Not at all.

It's also a massive hypocrisy to shame them for enjoying parties and nightclubs. I hate both of those things with a passion, but they have the social capacity to enjoy those things, so more power to them. It is a waste of time to direct any energy to hating someone for enjoying something, quite alike how we want "NTs" to stop giving us so much grief for living our lives they way we do.


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06 Jul 2014, 8:54 am

Well, I think most of them are idiots that allow themselves to be herded into a life that they only partly choose based on simple social indoctrination.

I also think they're dangerous for the same reason.



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06 Jul 2014, 10:02 am

I'm sure this sounds like another one of those ''Aspies vs NTs'' things. I don't feel sorry for NTs. I feel sorry for people individually depending on their circumstances, but not a whole neurotype. That doesn't really make sense.


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06 Jul 2014, 6:29 pm

I don't feel sorry for anybody and that includes NTs.


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06 Jul 2014, 6:34 pm

Pietus wrote:
But they don't seem to actually understand how that person is feeling. Does this make any sense? Anyway, sometimes I feel sorry for them, because they don't make much sense in their lives.

It makes sense if you are catfishing.


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06 Jul 2014, 11:37 pm

I don't feel sorry for NTs in general per say, but I do tend to sometimes feel sorry for the ignorant masses...which consist of a lot of neurotypicals but probably not only neurotypicals...you know the people that are so caught up in watching nothing but garbage on t.v., texting when they drive and seeming to live in blissful ignorance aka what society deems 'normal' or whatever.

Also I am on the spectrum and I don't really see any issue with nightclubs or parties, aside from too much of stuff like that could be exausting....but its not something strictly neurotypicals participate in. Some NTs can be cruel, and some can be kind it really depends upon the individual. Also I don't think aspies are immune to being downright cruel we are humans and humans are capable of that.


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06 Jul 2014, 11:55 pm

No, I don't feel sorry for the so-called NT's. After all, it's me who always has difficulties in interaction, not them. I used to think I was more intelligent than average when I was young, because I succeeded at school and was a rational thinker and liked to question everything. I thought most of other people were just plain stupid and ignorant, but then I realized it was me who had problems with even simple everyday tasks and needed extra help, not them. I haven't been able to create a normally functional life, while most of who I used to consider stupid are succeeding in their careers and family life. Also, I don't think they have a responsibility to understand my behaviour and way of thinking or experiencing, and I don't think they have failed if they don't understand me. Well, perhaps it's not my fault either, I'm just different. Such is life.



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07 Jul 2014, 12:34 am

i'm not sorry for nt's. i'm sorry for ignorant people, this can include nt's and all neurodiverse peoples.

i'm only envious of the way many nt's can simply enjoy life without a care.


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07 Jul 2014, 1:21 am

I think many of them are happy with the way they are just the way many of us are happy the way we are.

To think that they don't enjoy parties and nightclubs because I don't enjoy those things, is a failure of theory of mind: It is possible for others to enjoy things I don't like, so I can't apply my own preferences to other people without checking to make sure the preferences are the same. If I say, "I can't stand loud parties; the NTs go to them all the time; if I did that I'd be miserable, so they must be miserable too," is a statement that ignores that NTs are different from me, and enjoy different things.

But they do the same thing to us. They think we must be horribly sad because we don't go to parties or nightclubs (well, most of us don't), because they like those things and we don't, so they think, "I love these things, and those poor autistics can't do them; they must be horribly sad about it, like I would be if I couldn't do those things." But they'd be just as wrong.

NTs live their lives with most of the people they meet being very much like themselves, so when they assume that other people are just the same as they are, as a quick-and-dirty estimate, they are often correct. It's when they meet people who are just different enough to throw off their assumptions that they start getting it wrong.

Many NTs are unhappy, just like many autistics are unhappy. I can't really say "pity" because "pity" has kind of a condescending vibe to it, like I think I'm above them, and I don't think that because I've been unhappy a lot myself and I can't look down on other people for being unhappy.

Admittedly there are some pleasant things about the experience of being autistic that NTs can't experience--the calm of rocking or the sensory thrill of the perfect texture or the absorption of a special interest, for example. On the other hand, we don't get to feel the emotional contagion that NTs experience in groups, and probably won't ever experience what they like about loud, large groups of people. And they don't have the benefit of having a disability, namely the experience of being different, not quite fitting in, and seeing society from a different angle; they're missing the unique perspective we get.

On the whole I think it's a trade-off. Both groups get things the other group doesn't get. That's just life; everybody's got an advantage over someone else in one way or another. Born in America? Advantage. Born with athletic talent? Advantage. Born poor, and learned how to survive? That's not a skill everyone learns. Not that poverty's something I'd want to perpetuate, but it does have its perks... I know, I'm poor myself...

At any rate, nah, I don't think I'd pity them. Nor do I think they should pity me. But many of them do, anyway, because they don't seem to understand that there are many ways to live and be happy and have a satisfying life, and the multiplicity of ways that NTs live are not the only ways to live. We have our own ways; they have theirs; there's a lot of overlap because we're all human. Difference isn't bad, it's just different.


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