NT's claiming you're too smart to have AS

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My parents and even doctors frequently comment on how intelligent I am and help people with AS or any disability with no they have it. My parents especially get mad because I won't be able to identify a problem that I have but I won't be able to fix it. For example I will be able to identify that I'm hypercritical and far too blunt but I've always been this way without being able to fix it. My parents and others seem to go by the motto if you knew better you would do better and they claim because I know what I do wrong I should be able to fix it. They claim I just want the diagnosis to have a pass in life and so I don't have to take any responsibility for my actions. Does this happen to anyone else???

Typical intolerance...

Its just my opinion, but I do not think (except perhaps in the most severe cases) that a person can not change a negative behavior just because of ASD. You may not be able to totally fix certain tendencies, but you can gain conscious control of them.

For instance, if you desire to moderate your hypercritical characteristic, with work you can.

Thirteen is still a very young age however and although you may be advanced in intelligence, other things still take time to catch up, like life experience and wisdom.

Well if the negative behavior is a symptom associated with ASD, how then is the person with ASD supposed to just up and change it...also it can vary what is considered negative behavior. Though I think people with ASD can gain some amount of control over various things or work around it. For instance if I had a problem of blurting out blunt things that hurt peoples feelings.....I would then try to think before I speak and analize if what I say will come off as rude or not, but not beat myself up over if I slip up.

But it certainly doesn't help when you have struggles and someone thinks you can just fix any problem you have just like that....

My intelligence, especially in the areas of math and science has landed me in a lot of trouble in this area. People always ask me "If you're smart enough to do this, then why aren't you smart enough to do that."

They are falling prey to a couple of fallacies:

1. Aspies are not intelligent. Au contraire, Aspies are usually more intelligent than the general population. Stupidity is not a diagnostic criterion for AS.

2. A person can easily fix their faults once they realise what those faults are. Not so. I have behavioural problems that my best efforts have failed to put right. Even leaving out the brain-wiring angle, most of us will die with many of our flaws still un-fixed. Awareness of a problem can only take you part of the way to reform.

It's perhaps fair enough for them to express a suspicion that seeking a diagnosis could be a ruse to duck out of responsibility, but to claim that they know that for sure is dishonest and arrogant. It's entirely possible that they just don't want the bother of making adjustments, and prefer to trump up such an excuse for letting you down.

None of those things has ever happened to me as far as I can recall, probably because I tend to keep pretty quiet about my diagnosis in the NT world, and hardly ever cite it as a reason for being unable to do what's expected of me. I think the reason I keep it quiet is because I've read so many posts on WP reporting just this kind of thing.

This exactly I didn't mean I can't change behaviors whatsoever I mean people claim I'm too smart for my AS behaviors and that they shouldn't happen at all

I often hear stuffs like "You should use your intelligence other way", especially from my parents They say it always when I start lecturing someone in a situation where such behavior is not acceptable. xD

Generally, if you have AS it is because you're not stupid. For someone to say that is just plain stupid.

Stupid is when you do not really know right from wrong.

You can be slow, and not be stupid.

This is a stereotype and not true generally.

dont slur a disabled group to make another group look better, genuinely not knowing right from wrong to any degree is part of intelectual disability; not stupidity.

and aspergers includes inteligence from iq71+,which is the start of the high functioning spectrum,its a myth that aspies are more inteligent than NTs,there isnt a minimum IQ criteria for neurotypicality like there is for HFA so of course it skews comparisons.

I heard this all the time when I was younger.

Most of the time, it had to do with basic "common sense" things or things like cleaning up after myself or keeping track of things.

I was so smart that my need for help in areas of executive function (specifically in organization and emotional control) were misconstrued as irresponsible and disrespectful behavior. Basically, my intelligence was high enough for me to excel in school *despite* my difficulties, so it was assumed I had no difficulties. So wrong. So, so wrong.

If I had had help learning how to manage some things, it would have prevented A LOT of stress and meltdowns.

When I was 13 and long before Asperger's even became officially recognized, my parents were told I was as smart as most 18-year-olds. But my grades in junior high had plummeted, I had poor peer relations and was described as looking confused, disoriented, withdrawn, and seemingly in a world of my own. Most of my teachers would have disagreed with that whole being smart thing. It wasn't until I started going to a school for students with learning disabilities that I was described as being "bright, intelligent," and "talented" I wonder what my teachers in my old school would have thought of that.

I disagree, many NTs have difficulties in education, they are fairly common - such as organization and emotional control. So the fact that you excelled and your problems did not impair in any significant sense doesn't suggest anything clinical. Also emotional outbursts aren't akin to meltdowns. I think a lot of people have this skewed idea that they are the same thing when they're not.

Your username and statement of being very smart may be true, but I can't help but feel that they are inspired by the stereotype that people with AS are nerds or more intelligent, which isn't the case at all.

Mundies tend on average to follow the mind-set of Different = Inferior. They do this because they're stupid.
And because they're stupid, you are fully justified in taking everything they say with a metaphorical pinch of salt. They're just too stupid to know better.

Nerdygirl wasn't my first choice...I just couldn't think of anything else. I think it is very difficult to think of usernames.

Yes, I identify a bit with being smart. Smart and musical. Pretty much the only things I had going for me growing up since I couldn't say I was well-liked. I lived with plenty of bullying and ostracism.

I am not sure what you are intending by mentioning meltdowns. I didn't say anything about emotional outbursts, though I have had those too. I know they are not the same thing.

Last month, I had a serious meltdown and cried for 3 days. I am 38. Thought I would have outgrown these by now.

I'm not sure how "significance" can be measured as it would be unique to each individual. How did my EF problems affect my life?

Is it significant that I show up to dentist appointments on the wrong day? Is it significant that I could never remember to give my kids their medicine when they were little and had to depend on my husband to call me up from work remind me?

Is it significant that I have made major adjustments in my adult life to keep things "quiet" and reduce the amount of stimulation overload?

At what level is a problem "significant enough" to be considered to have AS? I do not know...