What does ?Reading People Well? mean?

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I was reading a thread earlier when someone said, ?I can read people very well?.

What exactly does this mean? If you ?read? someone well, does this mean you know exactly what they are thinking? Do you know what they think of you? Can you ?read? someone just by watching them? How much does what they say factor in, when ?reading? someone?

Also, how does one know if they ?read? people well? What criteria is used to determine if this skill exists (or not)? For people who have this ?reading? skill, is it only applicable with people they know well (e.g. family, very close friends), people they know peripherally (e.g. acquaintances), or anyone they meet on the street?

Many humans, especially those in post-industrial nations like the United States and the United Kingdom are replete with the "memes" and socially rote ideas in which they have been bathed for decades. This is especially true of NTs. Whole conversations can be conducted simply by repeating slogans and cliches which describe ideas, opinions and even replies. Hollywood and Twitter has scripted their future experiences.

As such, for those willing to learn this juvenile speech at least, it is remarkably easy to predict what the next sentence might be for certain of these people. It isn't so much "reading" people, but reciting the script before they do.

I can sense people's moods. I can't necessarily read their minds unless I know them really well. But, I can often tell if what they are saying is "honest". Not necessarily that they are telling a lie, but whether the outer persona is matching the inner person. Basically, I can usually tell if someone is fake. Sometimes, that is not because the person is trying to be deceitful. It could be that they are trying to put on a "happy face" but are actually sad.

I find that I miss verbal cues more than I miss visual cues. I'm not sure why. So, I cannot really predict the next sentences, nor can I quickly come up with something appropriate to say.

Bunch of the following (and more):

+ Accurately detecting emotion from facial expression, tones and body language
+ Understanding the effects of actions upon individuals (cognitively and emotionally, and precognition of their desires etc)
+ Foreseeing possible consequences of one's social behaviour

_________________
Unapologetically, Norny.
-chronically drunk

I know a guy like this, he stereotypes people I guess, and is usually correct in his 'reading of people'. To me, it means that they can size people up/get the measure of a person/categorise/stereotype them with some accuracy. This is based on appearance, conversation and behaviour, if he knows the person well, he can guess their thoughts. I don't believe that its possible to accurately read acquaintances or strangers on the street.

I come to find 'reading people' is something that becomes especially natrual to anyone who is very analytical and observant. For me at least, if I have have experienced someone with similar behaviors I can usually deduce others displaying similar types of behaviors.

It's like once you get a good idea how someone who's in the spectrum is like, you can more easily spot others who are in the spectrum, even if they themselves are not aware of it (and if approached may even be offended by it)

Personally I can think back to a kid in a way that relates to this. Most in the spectrum don't do eye contact. For me in my childhood, I had a dislike of noses (I don't know why) so when someone's trying to talk to me I observed their nose, often making it appear I was making full eye contact. I'd notice any abnormal shape of a nose, like the slight twist if it was ever broken, i'd notice the bump on the bridge of the nose some people have, i'd notice the nostrils flairing as they talk, or even a nosehair wiggling. In time when I no longer was fixated on noses it'd be other things that'd catch my attention, like stains or odd wrinkles on a shirt, the print of a shirt, maybe premature wear of the print on the shirt, or a bug or strand of loose hair on the shirt, by time I no longer got fixated on that the whole eye contact thing was more realized and was just an automatic thing for the most part, though sometimes I may close my eyes if i'm talking to someone which some might think as a lil strange.

I pointed that out because though it started with the nose, it turns into heavy observation and analyzing individuals I have interact with, be it physical behaviors, or even how their grammar structure is when chatting through text. For me it follows under the same group as learned behaviors or building mental mechanisms for dealing with new social situations so i'm not overwhelmed by a similar situation in the future.

[quote="WaYa"]I come to find 'reading people' is something that becomes especially natrual to anyone who is very analytical and observant. For me at least, if I have have experienced someone with similar behaviors I can usually deduce others displaying similar types of behaviors. /quote]

Yes, very true. I am very analytical and observant, and so is my dad. We are both good "people readers". I read strangers, sometimes extremely well, but it usually comes to me as a "gut instinct." People I have just met but am sort-of interacting with (in a group when I am not talking with anyone), I can read better. The better I know people, the better I can read them. I have "read minds" before, and my kids have been shocked when I've told them what they are thinking.

It does get down to noticing patterns and details. Somewhere along the way, I started associating little details regarding mannerisms and tone of voice, etc. with certain personality traits, moods, thoughts, etc.

HOWEVER, and this is a big however, I can only do this if I am able to observe. Once I am involved in some sort of verbal communication with someone, I start missing the details and get confused. I can't keep track of the observation/assessment while at the same time trying to figure out how to actually interact with someone. I can often learn more about someone by watching than interacting.

There is no real objective way to know how accurately one can read people.

-Sometimes people don't understand what they themselves are feeling, therefore a 'reading' cannot be accurately confirmed.
-Sometimes people lie about what they're feeling, maybe they say you're right, maybe they say you're wrong.
-Sometimes people may change their mind which can throw off a reading.
-Sometimes behavior or outcomes may be delayed so one can't be certain to what the 'reading' is actually connected.
-Sometimes people may be feeling several different things and any 'reading' may be "accurate."
-Sometimes other people 'confirming' the reading can do all of these things as well.

'Cold Reading' is a way of convincing someone that they were thinking what you say they were thinking.

And practically speaking, reading someone is only useful for predicting their behavior and modifying it in a predictable pattern.
If that is not, or cannot be done, then 'reading people' is a nearly pointless exercise without much of a way of determining accuracy for even practicing purposes.

It is a lot of fun though. =)



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Im better at reading moods than I used to be but that does not mean I'm good at it. I honestly doubt I can ever be good at it. To me it's really an important skill to have at least some competence in, though. I usually don't "size up" people unless there is a need to. If I get off the freeway and go into a 7-11 to buy a few things I see no need to "size up" the cashier since our interaction will be short and will never re-occur. Some people habitually size everyone up and have a subliminally aggressive way of doing it. I'm not real good at eye contact but I can and will make eye contact but I lack consistency there. Sometimes eye contact is a necessity in order to send a message. If someone is talking their mouth is what's moving the most and that's where my eyes are automatically but unintentionally drawn to . There is no value in me watching someone's mouth, it's just that the movement captures my eyes at least momentarily.

For some bizarre reason, this discussion on ?reading? people reminded me of the time I got beat up outside a movie theatre. I was in high school on my first date (with the sister of my brother?s friend). I went to get popcorn. When I returned, the girl I was with was saying something to some other boy. After the movie, the girl I was with suggested that we follow this other boy out the side of the theatre. I had no idea why. I figured that she somehow knew him. He said something to me (I forgot what). I was a bit confused. Then he started hitting me. To this day, I still have no clue what happened. I guess I didn?t read the situation very well. LOL.