People are scared of me or don't trust me

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I guess my Asperger Syndrome is not of the endearing, lovable kind. I doubt people even think I have AS. People treat me as if they want nothing to do with me. They do things that indicate that they don't trust me....

Has this happened with any of you guys ?? Hoping someone can relate....

When I'm depressed I feel like not even my fellow Aspies understand me, I'm a "bad Aspie" as in I can't even fit in with them either, lost, outcast, nowhere to go, etc.

--------------------> So if you're not depressed, consider the following:

There are so many overlaps with body language where many of the same gestures belong to different emotions being portrayed that one has to learn so much in context(experience) rather than in the way one would wish to learn, perhaps. The thing is, many common AS gestures have different meaning than the NT gesture they emulate at the time.

Example: from this site

Overwhelmed
-Both palms to forehead, fingers splayed (This gives me a headache.) [this is a stim for me because it feels good to press my palms into my head]
-Covering eyes with one hand (If I can?t see the world, it can?t see me ?) [I do this again as a stim to relieve this sensation I get in my eyes from reading on the computer for a while, I press my eyeballs a little]
-Eyes wide and staring into space, hands gripping the table in front of her (? Woah.) [Sometimes I just do this at work due to boredom and it feels good to have my eyes relaxed not looking at anything]


Okay so to summarize, It could be due to misinterpreting this body language in you that makes people react the way that they do. Try to pay attention to body language more. I know this is not easy, I can do it for some time then I get overwhelmed.

It sucks I know I never realized how much of this mattered to people until a couple years after my diagnosis.

I can relate. It might have something to do with body language or not following the social script people expect you to follow.

contact thing down very well - Some people interpreted the lack of appropriate eye contact as something a bit creepy and suspicious. Some people interpret the lack of appropriate eye contact the actions of someone who is both troubled and deceitful. Even juries will frequently think the way to tell if a witness is telling the truth is if they look them "straight in the eyes."

My biggest problem is with eye contact too. I had a long talk with my psychiatrist about this the other day. He said that it is not normal to stare someone in the eye when talking. I tend to either stare or look away. And, supposedly, neither is appropriate. The normal way people interact, he says, is a combination of eye contact (without staring) and also looking away for short periods. I'm going to try and work on this, but it is very unnatural for me. I tend to look away more than make eye contact because when I make eye contact it's too intense or something and makes people feel uncomfortable. I know they feel uncomfortable because they usually end the interaction early and get away.

my early to mid 30's before I got the eye contact thing right. I knew that I had been accused of staring ever since I was a little kid and at times up through my 20's and even early 30's - It took a while to get it right - But people I trust tell me that my eye contact looks perfectly normal to them now. But even now, I find myself having to consciously think about it - Am I making the right eye contact? Am I glancing away appropriately enough? But somehow - I wish I had a secret to share - but I honestly don't know - but somehow I eventually got it right. But back in those days most people only knew of autism in its most extreme form and there was little help or even awareness that there was a more mild form. So, there was not a lot of helpful encouragement for those who needed to work such things out. Today there are more resources

I was surprised to learn that being too nice too quickly to strangers will get you pegged as 'suspicious/dishonest.'

And yes, I think there are people who were/are scared of me because of my unusual (stiff) body language and flat voice/lack of outward emotions.

I have been told I come off as 'intense' and that causes people to freeze up. They think I am mad and am about to get confrontational (another thing people don't like).

Of course, none of this is how I feel on the inside, its just the outwardly AS appearance.

And yes, no one thinks I have AS when they meet me. A few people who are familiar with AS aren't surprised when I tell them, though.

I find that too much casual eye contact is creepy.

Yeah, people don't take to me very well either. My psychologist says it's because I tend to have a blank facial expression, which looks angry to allistic people, apparently. His advice was to think about something amusing so that you're smiling a little bit; it makes people think you're friendly and approachable. I can't tell you if it works, though, since I don't go out much.

...and the deception of psychological manipulation makes me nauseous.
I know I already said that!

I feel the same way, I don't want to have to deceive people, even if it is a very common thing in the NT social world.

I personally could not maintain a smile or funny expression from a humorous thought for more than a few seconds anyway. I'd actually have to be in a good mood to sustain a smile.

And socializing causes a lot of anxiety, which will remove my good mood.

I too have this problem, particularly when I'm tired as I often am. For me maintaining the level of energy needed to function in the NT world for very long is exhausting and I make mistakes when im tired, which often come back to bite me.