How many fellow Aspies have experienced parental rejection?

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stumped2011
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28 Jul 2014, 7:13 pm

I was wondering if rejection by one's parents is common to people in the Aspie experience. My own father, though he cares deeply for his other children, living with him and otherwise, has always completely rejected me. He has ignored my phone calls my entire life. He refuses to support me financially or otherwise. In fact, in the past 10 years, I have probably only interacted with him 30 times or less. I know its not out of disappointment in my abilities as I am the only one of his children to graduate college and the only one in his family to go to college. In fact, when I'm around him, I hear him brag about how I'm a genius.
However, I do feel like my father's inability to connect to me may be related to my condition. Since I did not live with him, I did not speak much when I was around him as a child. He and his family are very extroverted so there were always parties and get togethers to attend. I would often remove myself from those situations and sit in a room by myself. I never played with the other children or in a way similar to his neurotypical children. I feel that these behaviors have led to him distancing himself from me.
Have many of you had similar experiences with your parents?



bguimaraes
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28 Jul 2014, 9:01 pm

My mother and father they left me when I was a kid, in that time I didn't exposed my feelings about it, I was just worried about dinosaurs and astronomy, but last year my father tried to approach, he's married, and they has a lot of extroverted friends, he invited me to go to his house that his wife was going to do a party. I felt so weird, he even know about my AS, and I heard he spoking that I'm always "in another word, and shy". My mother, no contact. I don't know why they didn't wanted me, it was because I was different or I developed AS because all of this in my childhood (I read isn't about the experience, you just born with this, but I still thinking it's like this: The more that you scratch the itch, the worse it gets. If they helped me that time, I would problaby be more social). And I feel the same stumped2011, I feel the AS make the relationships distant, but I know now they have to accept the way am I.



stumped2011
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28 Jul 2014, 9:58 pm

bguimaraes wrote:
My mother and father they left me when I was a kid, in that time I didn't exposed my feelings about it, I was just worried about dinosaurs and astronomy, but last year my father tried to approach, he's married, and they has a lot of extroverted friends, he invited me to go to his house that his wife was going to do a party. I felt so weird, he even know about my AS, and I heard he spoking that I'm always "in another word, and shy". My mother, no contact. I don't know why they didn't wanted me, it was because I was different or I developed AS because all of this in my childhood (I read isn't about the experience, you just born with this, but I still thinking it's like this: The more that you scratch the itch, the worse it gets. If they helped me that time, I would problaby be more social). And I feel the same stumped2011, I feel the AS make the relationships distant, but I know now they have to accept the way am I.


I'm sorry you had to go through that. Though I know that I have had this condition from the beginning, I feel that I too would have had a better outcome if my differences were supported and embraced rather than blown off. My father seemed to take pride in my differences. He would say "she doesn't want to go out with the rest of the kids. She's not a street kid. She's too smart for that." He seemed to take pride in my differences, but the way he behaves towards me seems to suggest that he's ashamed of me.



mittencat
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28 Jul 2014, 11:48 pm

I met my father less than ten times during my childhood. I never felt like he was my father, and I did not know what to say to him, when he visited me or called me. When I was 15, my mom had told him that I was bullied at school, and he wanted me to talk about it with him. I told him I didn't trust him enough, and he never called or visited me again.

My mother has disowned me, because I'm lesbian. She says her daughter has died and there is just an empty shell with devil inside. Not just my mom but the whole family has disowned me because of my lifestyle. Recently my mom has allowed me to meet my teen-aged siblings a couple of times, which makes me happy, although I don't think they feel like I'm their sister after all these years I've been away from their lives.



shadowpuzzle
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29 Jul 2014, 1:56 am

I had an unfortunate family too. Never met my dad, when I was born he pretended I didn't exist, because he already had a wife and kids and was having an affair with my mom. My mom has been a drug addict most of her life, and I am confident she is a sociopath. She was verbally, sometimes physically abusive, and manipulative. I haven't seen her in years, nor would I care to. The only family I have left is my aunt and uncle, but they don't get me, especially my aunt. They are the extroverted, closed-minded types. They get mad when I can't make eye contact, and don't understand why I don't want to go to college, and would rather just work 3rd shift manual labor.



KingdomOfRats
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29 Jul 2014, 3:02 am

am LFA not HFA,and was resented and rejected by dad from toddler age,was beaten by him for behaviors and difficulties every day.
never knew him as a dad even though we lived in the same house-even up to now, its a big difficulty to see him as dad although he is very accepting and understanding now.

sister is undiagnosed HFA and she is gifted as well,she grew up admired by dad and never once got hit by him even when she did bad things,he used to shout things like why cant be more like her.

am actualy diagnosed with reactive attachment disorder that had mostly been caused by his neglect and rejection and mums neglect from self medicating with alcohol to cope with having a severely autistic daughter as her religeon and doctors brought shame on her.


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Ann2011
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29 Jul 2014, 6:40 am

My parents split up when I was 4 and I'm pretty sure it was because of me. My father never accepted that I have autism or that it exists. I think he thought it was just bad behaviour and that my mother was letting me get away with it.



kraftiekortie
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29 Jul 2014, 6:54 am

I'm not "rejected" by my parents--but they don't see me the way they see my brother, who is neurotypical.

My mother doesn't want me to meet her friends, or to go to gatherings with her, out of fear that I might embarrass her. She was always good in a practical sense, but lousy in an interpersonal sense with me.

I am fortunate, however, that I haven't suffered as much as some people with Asperger's have.

It's truly not fair--to have to suffer because you have a different neurology!

What we have to do: is not to be permanently angry--but to educate people on Autism Spectrum Disorders; and, especially the positive aspects of them.



Tawaki
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29 Jul 2014, 7:06 am

My husband's sibs want nothing to do with him. They still hold a grudge about his behaviors growing up. The meltdowns, inflexibility, generally making life miserable in their eyes.

His one sibs told me, "We had 20 odd years of his drama and crap, and I'm not obligated to deal with it any more. He's a selfish, self centered person, and I think his diagnosis is an excuse for him to continue that way. "

His parents want nothing to do with him, either. His father believes his Asperger's diagnosis just an excuse for *not manning up. Not acting like a son.* His mom is on he spectrum, but believes if you just pray hard enough, God will cure you.



BirdInFlight
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29 Jul 2014, 9:09 am

My siblings.



kraftiekortie
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29 Jul 2014, 9:12 am

I like your flight patterns :wink:



mr_bigmouth_502
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29 Jul 2014, 9:18 am

I know I have. Honestly, my parents weren't really around for me much growing up. They were always preoccupied with their own hobbies. :P



LupaLuna
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29 Jul 2014, 9:39 am

Although my dad will never say it. I know he sold me out for my sister, witch is NT BTW. When I go over to his house. All I see are several pictures of my sister and there is not a single picture of me around.



Klowglas
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29 Jul 2014, 9:45 am

I'm actually the one that rejects my parents, they never displayed any empathy for me growing up, they were quite oblivious and apathetic to all of my difficulties and downfalls, which made life especially hard. it is your DUTY as a parent to SEE for your child, who is very blind in a world that is ESPECIALLY eager to prey on it. To add insult to injury we never did anything as a family, and this apathy spread its influence through my siblings (i have three older brothers) whom I feel absolutely nothing for . I even have visible scars from my childhood of when one of them tried to manipulate me.

Family, it's dirty business when it's not done right. I think I consider it a win that i don't hate my family, but I will never feel anything for any of them.



Campin_Cat
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29 Jul 2014, 10:43 am

I was 8th of ten children, and because my biological mother couldn't handle all of us, we, sort-of, got doled-out----a couple of us were adopted-out, 3 of us went to live with their father, and my maternal aunt came and got me because I had pneumonia, and because one of us had already died from pneumonia, she didn't want to see another one die (2 more died of a blood disorder). I grew-up knowing my biological mother, but she didn't "mother" me because I wasn't to know she was my mother----I thought my aunt was my mother. My aunt didn't "mother" me because she already had a daughter, and her daughter didn't like this new kid encroaching on her territory. My aunt was horrible----if I was inhaling, I should've been exhaling, if I brought home a "B", it was: "Why wasn't it an "A"----if I brought home an "A", she asked me: "Who'd you copy off of?" (true story) Her most frequently asked question to me, was: "Why do you act so stupid?"----OR, "Why are you so stupid?"

I only know 2 of my female siblings: my sister, who was adopted-out found my other sister----they stayed in-touch for awhile, then had a fight, and haven't spoken to each other, since; I met the adopted-out one, but we have nothing in common, and have remained estranged----the one I grew-up with, and I, don't really like each other. I'm sure both of them are Aspies, too!!

I met one of my brothers online----we've never met, in person, but that relationship fizzled. I have one brother left (The other one died in an industrial accident when he was in his twenties.), but he doesn't have any sort of online account.

No one is really sure who my biological father was----that secret died with my biological mother.

Everyone else is dead.

I had a, sort-of, adopted family----but, because I was so weird, most of them thought my "aunt" (as I called her) didn't discipline me, or, that I was spoiled, and they asked my aunt why she didn't get rid of me----that she didn't have to put-up with me, because I wasn't her biological child. Almost all of them are dead, now, too----except one "aunt", who has moved-away from the area, and an "uncle" who is a "little girl", and makes me wanna PUKE!! LOL





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29 Jul 2014, 1:06 pm

[quote="kraftiekortie"]I'm not "rejected" by my parents--but they don't see me the way they see my brother, who is neurotypical.

My mother doesn't want me to meet her friends, or to go to gatherings with her, out of fear that I might embarrass her. She was always good in a practical sense, but lousy in an interpersonal sense with me.

I am fortunate, however, that I haven't suffered as much as some people with Asperger's have.

It's truly not fair--to have to suffer because you have a different neurology!

What we have to do: is not to be permanently angry--but to educate people on Autism Spectrum Disorders; and, especially the positive aspects of them.[/quot


YESSSSS