Okay so idk wtf this even is lol.

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(I have tried to post this 3 times now. f*****g internet connection.)

So, if you recall (which you probably don't- frankly I don't expect strangers on the internet to remember the details of my life. Y'all have your own s**t to worry about.) a few months ago (probably more than a few, I'm bad at time) I posted a thing explaining that I thought I has Aspergers, got referred for an assessment and put on a waiting list, only to end up really suspecting I'm not and panicking about 'wasting their time'. Well. The time of that assessment is Monday morning, and I am quite possibly even less certain of my own aspiedom than I when I made the first post.

I will keep the description of myself fairly short, since I have limited time and need to sleep, however:

- I have always been very strange in a way that puts some people off just from utter surreality (eg- believing in ghosts and paralell universes, going off on odd tangents- basically Luna Lovegood-ism), however I have also I always been very social and don't recall having ever not had close relationships, even at times when I was actively avoiding them.

- My tendency to take things literally depends on the thing in question- I fully understand sarcasm, irony, anology, metaphor, etc, but I am also very gullible in some ways; I feel the less plausible a lie sounds the more likely I am to fall for it. I can easily work out minor lies intended to get someone out of trouble, but lack the logical knowledge of "wow that is so not a thing in reality" to avoid falling for blatantly fantastic stories, which I suppose is at its most basic a form of magical thinking.

- Speaking of which, I honestly just lack logic in general. Like, at all. Ever.

- Same goes for common sense.

- I'm good at picking up on emotions and social cues, even according to tests.

- ...But I forget things like manners, names, birthdays, things i said i would do for people...

- I have an utterly abyssmal memory and little attention span, which leads to me drifting off in conversations and when doing something, and just generally going through life in a dream state with little awareness (or care) as to what I'm doing, why, or whats going on around me.

- As a result of the above, I'm bad at following through with everything from work to relationships. I never finish anyth
(including sentences)

- I'll come back to you about whether I've ever had shutdown or a meltdown when I actually understand what those things mean. Seriously, totally lost here. Though from my limited understanding, I don;t think I ever have for the reasons I'd be 'supposed' to, though I am in some ways emotionally fragile and tend to cry easily.

- Weirdest thing I do, is I end up either running aimlessly or just pacing, normally without being fully aware that I am doing so, generally because I'm stuck in a 'daydream'. (see next point). I also tend to talk to myself while doing this, usually under my breath and from someone else's pov (so it would sound like I'm adressing myself in second person).

- I'm... not great at the whole fantasy/reality distinction thing, and while part of that is philosophical (I believe each human's experience of the world is at least slightly different, and in the end our perceptions and the perceptions of others matter more than whatever objective reality there may be. You define your own existence.) another part of it is more like actual delusions. I've had 'conversations' with people I haven't seen in years or who might not even exist, my past is honetly multiple-choice, at various points I have been 100% convinced that, in utter seriousness, I was not entirely human, had some kind of great destiny relating to the future of the human race or of reality itself, or was cursed or doomed.

- I have a really good imagination in the non-psychotic sense as well though, which is a plus.

- I tend to stutter and mispronounce things, which I've always had to an extent but it's gotten worse as I've gotten older, I think. This might be tied to Dyspraxia though.

- The most common words used to describe me are things like "ditzy", "scatterbrained", "spacey" or "just plain odd". There's also a tendency of people to underestimate me and cast me as "cute but dumb" or as the Manic Pixie Dream Girl archetype.

- I've been in and out of psychiatric services since I was about 12, and never got an actual answer; the closest I ever got was a list of 'maybe but not really's and a few offhand comments to the affect of "you're very strange, i'm not sure what to make of you" and, on one memorable occasion, "I don't want to put you on medication, because you have a very interesting and charming personalty, and I don't want to risk that."

- Aspie quiz says I am "very likely neurotypical". Don't remember my AQ, but I think it was below threshhold for ASD. IQ of 139 as of last testing (albeit said test was online).

- I can be quite obsessive and get pre-occupied with my own odd ideas and fantasies, as well as (to a lesser extent) more mundane fixations such as fandfiction, psychology, types of media, etc. (Also, I really like designing anthropomorphic personifications of stuff a la Hetalia or Wikipe-tan, but I don't think specific hobbies or fandoms bear any real relevence to diagnoses.)

- I tend to sort of... adopt traits that I read about or see, usually subconciously, and in many ways I started acting autistic-ier (shut up, its a word) after reading about it. When I was utterly convinced I was on the spectrum, the aspie quiz told me that I "very likely" was, now it tells me that I very likely am not. Both times I was trying to be honest, but I feel I tend to view my own actions and personality in a different light based on how I feel at that time, which makes knowing the truth of any results I get on anything somewhat hard.

So... there's the complicated mess that is Sana, laid out in hopefully-convenient (organization isn't something I'm good at either) bullet points. Anyone got any thoughts on it?

doesn't sound horribly aspie-ish. i'm not an expert on these things, but perhaps schizoid or schizotypal personality. and "wow" - one more IQ point and you'd be a genius.

Not much ASD in your description.

dont worry(easier said than done), but just be who you instinctly are.. and if you dont get the diagnosis, it may just mean that its not interferring with your life as much as its required to be for a full diagnosis. you may still have traits even if you dont have enough of them to reach the dx. the iq is way up there! that alone can be a trait of ASD. (mine was 124 or 125 (i cant remember which) from my last iq testing which was back in 2009).
and even if you dont get the dx from the test- the testing isnt the "all knowing" or "100% correct" type of thing. there are a few different types of tests for asd.
but no matter what your results on this test is, you are still you. taking the test wont change who you are, (unless the label plays a part as who you feel that you are)... and in that case... ... i am not sure what advice could help with that, but if you dont go for the testing, you will never know- and who knows, it might very well prove that you get that title. but if you dont take the test it will prolly have the same affect on you as if the test were to say "no".. so taking the test could be better than the "no" or didnt take it(both act as a negative- and having to rewait the waiting list if you want to take it later and not now).. but it could be a positive ever heard of shrodingders cat? (i know i didnt spell that right; but its off of the big bang theory.)
sooo... goodluck!!

ps. you also appear very list oriented and organized.

Being honest with yourself can be hard so I'd suggest to look back to your childhood. We can learn coping strategies to cover up later in life but in childhood we were by nature forced to be honest at least in the early years. So if you were socially typical for a child then you?re probably not autistic. As for current symptoms they don?t sound it either but as I said they can be covered up.

I don't... really remember my childhood well, but okay. (I also have no idea what 'socially typical' looks like in kids since in my day to day life I really only deal with adults, so that probably affects my perception.) I... had friends, I know, and I did talk to kids my age, but I also spent a lot of time on my own, I don't remember all the details but most of the kids at my primary school, at least the ones I knew, were quite sporty, and, frankly, I am not, never was, and never will be. Coordination disorders sort of prevent that from being a thing. I had imaginry friends as well as real ones, and when I did play with my 'real world' friends it was always very "lets make stuff up!" sort of games. I was bullied a little mostly around the ages of 9-10, partially because I was known as the 'disabled kid', and visibly so, since I used some assistive stuff like a writing slope or whatever the s**t they're called, also for making stuff up quite as much as I did, since I basically lived in my daydreams as well as reality and would make casual references to things that don't exist in the same way I would to things on tv or people I knew.

It is also probably worth me noting that between certain experiences I am not going to elaborate on, having a terminally ill mother, and being out of school a lot due to both life upheaval and illness, my education and my social life were both pretty weird and fragmented for large parts of my childhood.