Advice For Dating With Asperger's (NPR)

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Don't Call 100 Times A Week
by NANCY SHUTE
August 09, 2014 4:54 AM ET

Dating isn't easy, and it's even less so when you've got Asperger's, an autism spectrum disorder that can make it hard to read social cues.

Jesse Saperstein knows that all too well. In his new book, "Getting a Life with Asperger's: Lessons Learned on the Bumpy Road to Adulthood," the 32-year-old tells his fellows on the spectrum that they need to be up front with potential dates that they have Asperger's. And he says they also need to realize that what feels to them like sincere interest can all too often be perceived as creepiness. This is an edited version of our conversation.

You say that some of the traits common in people with Asperger's can make social life especially challenging. Why is that?

I believe my peers and I, we achieve great things by being unrelenting. We don't know when to stop. We can go after things for years. But that relentlessness does not work with humans and human emotions. In adulthood, that translates to full-blown stalking. Sometimes there are legal consequences that could be avoided when the intent is harmless.

Have you been accused of stalking?

You have no idea. I have definitely been accused of that many times. In college I would try to win people over by giving them long hand-written cards. I continued this into adulthood, but it wasn't considered cute. It was considered disturbing.

What did you do to fix that?

Now I tell you, 'I have Asperger's and this is how I communicate. If this bothers you, you just need to tell me so I'll do better in the future.' Ninety-nine percent of the time that works. I sure don't want to miss the people who would love a hand-written card.

Much more here + comments>> http://www.npr.org/blogs/health/2014/08 ... mes-a-week

You know I had this happen to me at a Sci-Fi convention about 4 years ago. There was an artist there that I was a fan of and wanted to get her attention and every time I would approach her, she would ignore me, but I was perceiving it at if she was busy at the time and I would come back and hour or two later and try again. I try multiple time and got no response from her. At the end of the day. security came up to me and told me to stop stalking her and that to me was very confusing because she was not saying anything to me every time I approached her. She never told me to stop bugging her. BTW: I was not in it for a date ether.

I don't know about anyone else but I find it extremely hard to initiate interaction, the best I can do unless I am with people I know is be somewhere in public and hope someone talks to me, or I have met some people in person that I've only met on the internet previously. But yeah never really got accused of stalking, I think in some situations I have lingered a little long or overstayed my welcome by potentially missing cues.....but I would have a very hard time approaching someone I didn't know let alone continuing to attempt that after they express no intrest.

Maybe this sort of has to do if someone on the spectrum is introverted or more extroverted, or more common with those who don't have social anxiety.