Waiting for a Diagnosis for my 3 year old son

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Hello

I'm a mum to 3 boys aged, 3, 2 and 5 months. We are currently on the waiting list for suspected Aspergers in our 3 year old. Our appointment is in September, so not too far away. Our family Dr seemed pretty confident that he is showing the classic signs for his age. I too, believe, without a doubt, he has Aspergers. He is a beautiful, smart, little boy. I've been going crazy doing as much research as I possibly can to understand him more. As odd as it may sound, the more I read, the more I think I too have Aspergers.

I'm posting today for a few reasons. Firstly, I'm seeking advice on how to handle this situation while waiting for the Diagnosis. I'm feeling confused on how to discipline him. He can be a pretty wild, energetic, little boy. Do I keep the way we discipline him and his 2 year old brother the same? Do I need to make adjustments? I'm not sure how I should 'respond' to his behaviour now. I just don't want to be too hard on him, when maybe the reason for what we see as bad behaviour is something he can't help? I'm hoping this makes sense.

Secondly, He has A LOT of trouble socially. This includes interacting with his brother. How can I encourage them to play, together? I generally sit down with them both, and join in on what they are doing, however, there is just no interaction between the two. It's just two kids playing, side by side. He also has a hard time showing affection and empathy. Hugging anyone but myself and hubby is non-existent. If he does give it a go, he doesn't wrap his arms around, he kinda just leans in awkward. I feel as if he FEELS empathy, but doesnt know how to respond. The social side of things is really worrying me. Beginning next year, he is able to start Pre-School.. I'm worried how this will go. He is also very attached to me. For kids with Aspergers beginning school - what sort of help do they receive? As I said above, he's a smart kid. Theres no doubt about that... But I feel his social skills are going to make school not an enjoyable place for him.

Lastly, Are there many parents who seeked a Diagnosis for their child to realise you, too, had Aspergers? I cannot shake how much I have been reading resembles me. A little bit of background on myself, from what I remember growing up, and now as an Adult. When I began school - They were concerned for my hearing. I wouldnt speak. So they thought maybe I couldnt hear? My hearing is perfect. But I had the label of the 'Shy & Quiet' girl. I did change Schools quite often - But I don't remember having trouble making friends. BUT - I never seeked them. It was more a group of girls would adopt me into their little circle of friends, so I'd just go with it. I know I can become quite obsessed with subjects. It's hard to remember all the way back through my childhood. But I think I was heavily obsessed with Dancing, such as Ballet. I never did Ballet classes or anything. But I loved to dance, and all I could think about was dancing. Seems normal for a girl, but I think I took it that one step further. I'd borrow books, and DVDs from the local Library, and I would teach myself everything there was to learn. It lasted probably a good 5 years? Now as an Adult. I enjoy dancing as a whole. But I am not as obsessed with it. I've always had trouble looking at people in the eye. I tend to more look at their mouth instead. As a kid, when I'd have a friend sleepover on the weekends. I'd eventually get to a point where I just wanted them to go home. I wanted to be alone now. I remember my mum use to laugh about it, cause she thought it was so odd that I was so blunt to them asking if they can go home now. Social interaction as an adult, I dont seek it. I prefer to stay home with my kids. I like being at home. I feel comfortable here. I tend to go out if its the whole family going out together. Emotions - I'm really bad at talking about my feelings. To the point, its like I feel to much and I shut down. I will literally go to the bedroom and hide, and I just feel emotionally exhausted. I can't talk. I dont want to look at anyone. I tend to over think everything. I could sit there for hours just going around in circles in my head - and still have no clue how to talk about what im feeling. It bothers my husband so much when we have a argument. He tries to talk to me, but I just can't. I want to. I really do. But the words wont come out. I can't handle hearing someone yell - I can't even explain the way it makes me feel. It almost feels like an overload of some sort. I can't handle it. The anger in peoples voices is too much for me. I've always been told I where my heart on my sleeve. I really do take things to heart. I guess I know the difference between a joke, and being serious when It comes to my family - but for a stranger, I over analyze what they say to me. I've been told I have an 'ODD' way of thinking and seeing the world. I really don't know if its worth mentioning this to my Dr, or if I am infact overthinking this. Thoughts?

Thanks in advance to anyone who responds. I just want whats best for our son. And I'm unsure how to do that.

Welcome to WrongPlanet!

What you just described in a nutshell pretty much tells me that you and your son in fact do have Aspergers. Since you're gonna see a psychiatrist for your son. I would have him check you out as well. wouldn't hurt. BTW: I don't know if you can relate to this or not, but you might want to be careful with your son. Sensory overload can be very painful and things that may not affect you (or even notice for that matter.) can cause your son a lot of pain.

Parents reading about autism seeking information about Autism for their children then shockingly realizing they are reading about themselves is very common. There is a genetic component to Autism.

It is not the what the interest is, it is the extreme intensity of the interest that is the Autistic trait.

I would mention all those things to the doctor.

Thanks for the warm welcome

Since seeing our Dr - I'm trying to really watch his reaction to everything around us, and take note of it. He seems to crave hearing noise, and making it. He likes to have background noise. I have noticed though, lately, when he seems to be in a situation that is upsetting him, he covers his ears? He is so young still, I'm finding it hard to have him communicate with me enough for me to be more aware of these things if I don't pick up on it myself. If he is in fact experiencing any type of sensory overload, I can definitely sympathize with him. I know, when I shut down with my 'feelings' - My head honestly feels like a big ball of pressure that's about to explode.

The 'Interest' sign is what really stood out for me. I also find, especially now, when I talk to people, I tend to want to talk talk talk about what I want ... and when the conversation starts to change, I don't want to talk anymore. I have no interest, especially if Im feeling really absorbed into what I wanted to talk about. (I hope that makes sense)

I wish the best for you and your son.

Hiya Lancs

To put your mind at rest about yourself, do the RAADS-R test on the internet which you can find at http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3134766/ and RDOS aspiequiz which you can find at http://www.rdos.net/eng/Aspie-quiz.php

Namaste

David Adrian Thomas, Esq., M.C.I.H.T.

Thank you for those links. Very interesting. My Aspie score was 158/200 and the non autistic score was 56/200.

Playing side by side is perfectly fine. It's referred to as "parallel play" in child-development. It's what kids do when they want to peacefully co-exist, before they learn how to play together, and thereafter when they are doing solitary play (a group of children coloring is an example of this). It is a good experience.

Hugging can be overwhelming. You're right that he feels empathy; autistic children do, though they mightn't know what to do with it. A recent study established that autistic children are just as securely attached to their parents as typical children. One theory about why very young autistic children may not spontaneously hug you, is that they don't yet understand that you and they have separate minds, and so assume that you know what they are feeling. So he takes your bond as a given, something that's a solid fact rather than something that has to be constantly communicated. That's only one theory, though, and considering the sheer diversity on the autism spectrum, even if it's correct it may not fit the majority.

Consider alternative ways of showing affection that are not so physically overwhelming. I wonder if he'd like to give you a high-five, or hold your hand, perhaps? Sometimes just sharing the same space in peaceful coexistence can be an expression of love..

+1 callista