How can I deal with absence of parents

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Hi. The title might not be accurate but my parents died when I was a child, my mom died first but my dad made it to new marriage before his death and now I am living with my stepmother. I have AS. I have sort of bad relations to my stepmom. We are never arguing, but I have serious problems to talk to her, or actually anyone, about my personal matters. She just doesn't seem familiar to me, and I have no idea why. I am behaving well and I am also at school and therefore she assumes I have everything ok.

The first 15 years of my life I could describe myself being a robot who took all the influences from the atmosphere, and next 2 years I have thought with my own brain, I am 17, so long it took me to develop common sense and stuff like that. Now I have identity problems and I often feel confused and very unsure. I also think I am depressed to some extent, or more likely have symptoms of bipolar disorder because at times I also feel really energetic. I am not very shy but I have also trouble maintaining friendships because either I get "bored" or rejected. I have a feeling there is no direction which would help me with my problems because who I would first talk to would be my parents. Could anyone help me or is anyone having similar problems here?

Do you have any pets? It may help to get a cat or dog you can feel close to.
You still have your parents in your memories so in a way they will always be with you.

You are at the right place. You can talk to people here that can help you.

You live in a harsh situation.

There are people who have parents who can't even talk to them about these things. You need to find someone who shares your problems. They can really help.

I had a bad adolescence.

It was helped mightily by my Persian cat, Zum Zum.

Thanks for all the responses.

I have a dog, yes. It gives me a lot of happiness, but it needs lot of exercise, for which I often have no time or energy especially when school starts. I also still have a couple of friends at school, I could try to talk to them but I don't think they'll understand. My closest friend is weird like me, and shy and withdrawn. I think he has his own problems, and he never talks to me about them so I'm not so sure can I just share my problems without throwing them to him. Other friends don't seem close enough for me, and I have already screwed up with my relations to some of my old friends involuntarily.

I have nothing against studying, and I know what I want to do in the future, actually I can't wait to get into university. However, the problems I listed often decrease my productivity, and I often suffer from bad concentration and/or motivation because I am too often either depressed or hyperactive. The fact that I feel unsure also diminishes my capability of making decisions.

I put bored in quotes because it isn't exactly the word I was looking for. Tired would be closer to truth... socialization is like work for me because of AS, and with certain people... well, it just becomes too exhausting. But I would really benefit if I had more friends irl.

Could I still get more answers because right now I feel restricted and I still really don't have any idea what way should I head to. Maybe I need professional help but those processes are so long and unreliable.