Back to a life of solitude.....

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Well, This is the price I pay for wanting to be have a "friendship" with somebody I opened my self up and in the end I get f****d...

The person whom I was meeting with and exploring my world with turned out to be a total jag off. He's ignoring my calls and text messages whenever I'd ask if he wanted to hang out or grab a bite to eat He'd ignore the messages only to follow up an hour or two later by saying already ate and is on the way back to (his) house or send pictures of himself at the restaurant (which I enjoy going to) with food in front of him as if he's saying "look where I'm at and your not."

I thought I knew myself better then to allow my self to open up and get hurt I mean I had all but 2 friends going up in Jersey no friends when I moved to Atlanta (I was 12) You'd think that I'd be happy to just be by my self? Buut no I had to give in to that little morsel in me that wants some type of friendship and now I'm paying the price I'm going to have relearn what it's like to be alone again. Guess it was my fault because I failed to see the cues that he was trying to send I guess it was also my fault I couldn't pick up on his facial expressions when we would meet or his body language. I guess he doesn't want to hang out with somebody whom appears to be a little off or I guess he feels he's better then me I dunno....But I should be glad right? Because now I don't have to listen to his bigotry or how he want's something to be "done" to our president or whatever hangups he has in life.

I just wished I knew what the outcome was so I could have saved money and not have invested so much time with outings and such.


Oh well... guess It's back to the dark and lonely corner of life for me.

I feel really sorry for you.
It's sad that you have finally given someone a chance to be friend with you but the person screwed the opportunity.
Maybe it's a good idea to be alone for a while to recover but i really believe that you can find someone nice in the future.

I can relate to your experience. It hurts. I'm sorry that you are going through that feeling now. But please don't think it's your fault. I think that "friend" of yours wasn't a genuine friend after all. You deserve a true friend. You shouldn't have to try hard to find/keep a friend. Good friends will be your friends without you having to try hard. In the meantime, you have us here on WP, your online friends.

In my experience, when I start sensing someone is not really enjoying my company, that's usually the case. So if I sense something from someone, then I don't pursue him/her. I have better things to do than worrying about unreliable people.

Thanks jk1, It's been so damn long since I had a "true" friend that I wouldn't even know what one was...
I have had s**t luck when trying to make friends I can recall in my teens some kids close to my age moved in on my block I was encouraged to talk with them and see if they wanted to be friends I talked with them asked if I could play some ball with them they said "OK" I was in the process of talking the mail to the house and when I returned I saw them running away down the road from me.

When I was in school in GA even tho I have HFA they still grouped us together so I was placed in a class with lower functioning students (EBD borderline MR) and to top it off they also came from very sheltered homes so asking them to meet up at an arcade for some Mortal Kombat on the weekends was out of the question....hell some of them didn't even know what Mortal Kombat was.... So there was nothing we could relate to.

Let me ask you this and let me ask the group how do you sense if somebody isn't enjoying your company how do you pick up on that?

A few things I look for; A: behavior
i) people have shorter conversations (compared to when you first hit it off), they don't seem interested in what you have to say
ii) they have less time for you on the basis they are too "busy"
iii) when there is three people and they spend 98% of the time talking to the third person and not you
iv) they dont take up anything you suggest but will agree with some random dude

B. entertainment
i) they dont like your music
ii) they dont like the movies you watch
iii) they suddenly decide to join a football club when they know you hate football

C. food
i) you like spicy food and they claim they cant eat it anymore because they have a sensitive tummy
ii) you love a steak and they suddenly become vegan overnight
iii) you don't drink alcohol or like loud music and the only places they want to hang out is at a noisy bar

You get the drift...

Generally you should watch how other members of the group interact with each other. If they seem to smile/laugh and initiate conversations with others far more than they do with you, that's a huge sign that to them, you aren't as likeable.

I think both cyberdad and Norny have summarized it very well. I will add some here that I think may be relevant. They may be overlapping with the above posters? points. In one phrase it?s general not nice attitude toward you:

- Disagreeing with/brushing off what you say constantly ? basically not listening to you.
- Not responding to your texts/emails. Or giving you a very brief indifferent response.
- Seeming to be trying to minimize the time he/she has to spend with you.
- Not actively seeking your company or interaction with you. You always have to contact him/her.
- Changing attitude when others are around.

If someone enjoys your company and wants to keep your friendship, he/she will try to be nice (smile at you, have eye contact(!) with you, talk to you about random things, respond to your texts/emails, ask you out etc). If you notice a ?friend? is not doing these things, it?s very possible that he/she doesn?t consider you as a friend.

I think it?s important to remember that loneliness is a temporary thing and things will change. There are good people out there.

I see it now it was so obvious
A) 1,2 Are spot on
B ) 1. He's always bring his music into my car which I didn't mind I'm pretty open when it comes to 'new' music 3. He suddenly decided to join a gym but yet he sends me pictures of a restaurant that I use to enjoy going to.
C) 1. He didn't want to go to many Italian places with me but insist on other restaurants However, by himself he'd go to the Italian places as evident by the pictures he's been sending 2. All of a sudden he's been wanting to watch his weight 3. At least when I try to call he says he wants to go to a bar to get some food which is loud and he knows I don't like such places....

Man, I'm such a yutz for not seeing these signs... why I couldn't I pick up on this before WTF is wrong with me?!

Believe me, I've been there, done that. But what makes matters worse is when you are trying to make friends and not knowing why it fails and you keep on trying and trying and getting nowhere. At least you where lucky enough to learn about it when you where 12. I didn't learn about it until I was 41.

What makes me curious is that he's sending you photos of himself at the restaurant you enjoy going to. That looks very much like a taunt to me. He's punishing you for something.

I'm not convinced that he is intentionally being rude or unfriendly. Sometimes I'm not near my phone so I don't notice a call or message; sometimes my phone is silenced and/or I'm busy. I'm not a businessman, I can allow myself the luxury of not being available 24/7.

Similarly he may not have time, or not be in the mood to get together, particularly on short notice. He may not want to be rude by saying this explicitely, so he doesn't respond - I'm guilty of this sometimes, and it doesn't mean that I don't like the other person. I can't explain the picture thing; then again, I can't explain it by unfriendliness either; if someone is unfriendly, he will typically just ignore you.

On the other hand, if he rejects you repeatedly, then naturally he does not want to hang out with you, and you should leave it be. I still don't agree that he is a bad person. There may be all sorts of reasons why a person doesn't enjoy someone else's company, and that doesn't mean that there is a problem with either of you. Hating on someone because of that instills too much unnecessary animosity and anger between people.

I dunno, I dunno what he's trying to convey I can only guess it's a taunt I never thought of it as a "punishment" or it could be he's being an ass4013.

You seem like a nice guy. Why don't you be a mirror to his behavior and see how he likes it. For example tell him you are busy and let him make the first move to come back to you. If he doesn't make an effort then that tells you this relationship is too much of you giving and him not reciprocating.

My point was you've got to find out why he's punishing you. People sometimes give you a taste of your own medicine when you didn't realise you gave them any first.

Against my better judgment I've got a call out to him needless to say it went to voice mail I simply asked for him to call me back when he can because I had a few questions to ask so...we'll see what happens next.

The only time I can think of was a time he wanted to go to catch a movie I couldn't because I was in the middle of coding a webpage and was also tired he kinda got upset and went off on comparing our lives making false accusations that I "oversleep" hell I should be so lucky to actually get decent sleep I met up with him later that night and told him that one of the statements he's made was inaccurate I have insomnia which is a comorbidity of Autism he kinda shrugged it off as if I were bullshitting him (I wouldn't wish this f*****g disorder on anybody) So needless to say we ended up seeing a move he wanted to see an hour later but I bought the tickets because it was my fault that he didn't get to see one playing earlier in the day. Later that night he told me to contact him the next day around 4 or 5 pm to plan out what we were going to do needless to say I did I waited til a little after 5 he told me yea we'll meet up at a restaurant at 7pm then he called and said he's going to costco then 8pm came got a text that he's on his way home which at that point I was in the process of taking my father out to dinner....Since then he's been avoiding my calls and on Thursday he sent me a text of him at the restaurant I asked if he would mind if I joined nothing 30mins later another picture of the meal he was eating and 30 mins later a picture of the food in the bag.